To be upset regarding this comment?

[Notthisagainfgs]

Back story - I have pretty much always struggled with my weight. Always had a low BMI. Always been skinny and boney. I'm 5"11, 55kgs so it's distributed poorly!

Never had an ED. Never actively tried to be skinny, in fact, always eaten a, good amount pre baby yet, couldn't keep it on, every blood test has shown every thing is completely fine. Not worried etc.

6 months PP - returned to pre pregnancy weight in a week (yes, lucky me I guess, but not in my eyes I'd of loved to keep the weight and be a healthy size.

Im now 50kgs, 5kgs less than my prepregnacy weight. DH's family are concerned about me, I EBF my daughter, so they assume I'm loosing all my nutrients to her and something is wrong.

AIBU to ask, why is it OK to say to someone who is underweight that they look unhealthy but to reverse it to someone who is over weight, its completely unacceptable? I've always looked the same, it's just because I no longer have a bump I look differently.

Maybe Im thinking way to much into the comment but, all my life I've been exposed to 'you mustnt eat enough' 'just skin and bones on you' 'have a burger!'

But, if i turned around and said to someone who was visably over weight in their BMI 'oh crumbs you should eat a salad' 'go have a jog' etc id be absolutely slaughtered, even with the best interests at heart?

Why is this so?

You think overweight people don’t receive comments about their weight?

Your problem is with your in-laws or those who make comments, not people who weigh a lot more than you, but you seem to be using this thread to make snide remarks about them.

Because people assume people try to actively be skinny and are starving themselves for vanity (think anorexia) but people don't try and seek to be obese so it must be an accident etc. This is just my understanding of why this could be. I've pondered on this often as I come from a family of very slim individuals who often get shamed for it and are left feeling very body conscious and defeated.

It’s always difficult when someone comments on your appearance but the intention makes a difference I think. If it is said to be rude or mocking then that is never acceptable. If it is said from a place of genuine concern then that is different. I made a comment to my dad a few weeks ago as he has put a lot of weight on and has high cholesterol and is at risk of a heart attack. He didn’t take too kindly to me saying something but it was genuine concern for his health.

Your BMI is 15.4. You’re 9kg under the minimum for a healthy weight for your height. That’s very, very low and I can understand why they’re worried.

@VodselForDinner I'm sorry you feel like that, but that wasn't my intention. It was just in my opinion, I've never personally commented on anyones weight or physical appearance 'health' wise. This thread isn't to do with that in regards more so, why is it more socially acceptable to pick at underweight females?

Good point @Rookiegardener I never thought of it that way, personally. Yes, I'm constantly self conscious, and, I'm sure on the other hand so are people who are slightly on the higher side of the scales. Just seems, a lot of memes regarding a perfect woman has curves, no men like women with bones etc.

@PurpleDaisies But, my bmi wasn't much higher pre pregnancy, so, why wasn't they concerned now is also my point! I've always been slim build, always seeked why and no answers or concerns from a doctors point of view which they are aware of ☺️

I think most (sensible) people would agree that commenting on anyone’s body is rude and not necessary. Someone else’s weight or size is not your business.

But overweight people also get a lot of nasty comments. It’s not specific to slimmer people. In general some people think they have a right to comment on how women look.

@Wowcherarestalkingme No, most definitely, i completely agree that commenting on someone's physical health appearance either way can be awkward and uncomfortable for both parties on both sides! A genuine concern is just that, but, seemily from my personal experience (which I'm sure is going to be wrong) that it's easier to pick this up and mention to someone who's under weight rather than over. But, maybe again, that's unreasonable to think!

@sparklesocks most definitely! I wouldn't ever dream of asking or mentioning someone's weight to them, either way! This isn't about nasty comments as such, more, comments in regards to health not 'oh my god you are so skinny, it's disgusting' or vice versa. In a sort of back handed way? If that makes, any sense at all.

OP have you ever had your thyroid function checked?

ESP now, overactive thyroid is very common after pregnancy.

As a teenager I was very skinny and the school counsellors would hall me in to ask if I had any issues with my weight and eating and so on. I didn’t.Then when I was 21 I was diagnosed with an overactive thyroid, and the medication they gave me to suppress it also made me gain weight. I was never what you would call fat, but a few less calories and a bit more exercise was the order of the day. And then people used to say “ah it’s such a shame, you used to have such a lovely figure.

Four years ago I was diagnosed with a serious heart condition, and I lost my appetite and lost the weight accordingly, and again, people worried that I was underweight.

I now weigh 8 stone 3 and am 5 ft 2 so a healthy BMI. People no longer comment, and tbh for me, the less weight my heart has to carry the better, but they don’t comment because I’m not in any healthy range.

If you are 5 KG’s below your suggested BMI then there has to be something wrong, and I would be pushing for answers. Not just thyroxin function but t4 count as well...

Why is this so?

I think it’s because people think being thin is much less of a problem than being fat so you won’t mind it being commented on. I agree with you that it’s very rude.

I used to be friendly with in a circle of women in which one was very slender. Another of the group would comment on the slim woman’s slenderness a lot. Slim pal took it well but I used to cringe at how rude it was...and also how fixated on the slim woman’s light frame she seemed to be. Like leave her alone ffs.

If you are 5 KG’s below your suggested BMI then there has to be something wrong

Not 5kg, 9.9kg which is a stone and a half.

@AlternativePerspective I only recently had a blood test done, full works so the doc called it, so would assume that would be tested for? I had fatigue, loss of weight and general feeling awful so he ran lots of test all came back completely normal so - But, I'll definitely be pushing for some more answers and ensuring my thyroid was indeed tested!

Its frustrating isn't it, i know full well If Id kept the baby weight I'd of been told the same! Yet, now it's an issue in regards to my health. DP doesn't see any difference or worry.

@pictish I suppose so! Ive always had comments in regards to being underweight, even when sitting in front of people scoffing a full meal and two desserts lol. I always take the comments well, to their faces, but, each time, it gets to me a little bit more. Which I'm sure in the same token is obviously the same to someone with a higher BMI, im not trying to disregard that in the slightest more so ask why its mroe socially accepting to comment on one than the other.

Either way, commenting on anyones weight is cringe like you say!

@PurpleDaisies Yes, I understand the amount of weight I am low on..

[quote Notthisagainfgs]@PurpleDaisies But, my bmi wasn't much higher pre pregnancy, so, why wasn't they concerned now is also my point! I've always been slim build, always seeked why and no answers or concerns from a doctors point of view which they are aware of ☺️[/quote]
I don’t know but at some point people need to show people they care.
Maybe they are going about it the wrong
Way, but maybe they just want you to know they they are there for you if (and I’m not saying for one minute you have) an eating disorder.

How do people start that conversation without appearing rude?

But I agree people think it’s more acceptable to talk about people being underweight than over.

No one should comment on anyones body unless they are genuinely concerned but my pet peeve is people who say "no one would say that about a fat person." Everyone and their aunties cousin had an opinion on my body when I was fat and strangers would shout abuse on the regular.

And I think n that is because it’s an easier conversation to have. Being slim is seen as positive and admired. Being fat isn’t

Being overweight is the norm. You can be 2-3 stone overweight and still be relatively slim in lots of situations. I suppose people see being thin as a good thing and therefore don't see it as rude as pointing out when someone is overweight.

That being said you should get a check up with your GP. I used to forget to eat when dealing with a newborn and found prepping meals a game changer.

OP HAS NOT ASKED for our opinions on what she does or doesn't weigh. That is none of our business. She only posted her weight ti luustrate her point.
Read the original post of you don't understand ..
OP yes I agree it's very rude but seen as acceptable to comment on. Can your DH have a word with your inlaws and ask them to stop constantly mentioning it?
Hope you're ok xx

@Freddiefox No for sure, I know my DIL's are lovely, I've been absolutely blessed with an amazing MIL who is kind hearted, so, I know, theres no malicious intent there and generally genuine concern! But, still it's the matter of the fact that it's always been a comment to myself and I've not changed much other than the fact I've had a baby and I'm still in the same clothes as before

Im glad it's not just me, I was worried by the inital comment I was going to be perceived as someone who was shaming other people which is not! My intention at all! So it's nice to see my thread has been read the way I intended it to be

@Gomezzz I agree! But disagree in my personal opinion about the remainder of your comment, but, again that is my personal experience and yiu have yours! I am sorry to hear that 💐 feel uncomfortable in your body no matter your size and being picked on for it, isn't nice so I do relate 💐

That initial comment didn't make sense to me. It was clear that was NOT what you were saying OP

@SonjaMorgan I suppose so, in my opinion it's awful haha, I admire people who are curvy and 'bootylicious'! I suppose, we all want what we cannot have! Had a check up less than a month ago - all AOK so unsure where to go from here in that aspect! Was definitely struggling to fit eating in but now I do at least 2 meals a day which is normal for myself! I've always, flounced between 50-60 but rarely every above 55

@wildthingsinthenight Ah thank you 💐 This is the first time it's, really cropped up, but there has been a few comments in the past regarding my weight, sort of back handed in the terms of there's nothing on me or I'd struggle to finish that meal etc (but I demolished a meal for 2 last night 😆 and it was delish!) so it's a bit eh some times! I don't think its malicious just comments that aren't, really needed?

Im glad it came across that way, I was hoping it would! I didn't mean any malice nor trying to shame anyone at all