To be upset regarding this comment?

[Notthisagainfgs]

Back story - I have pretty much always struggled with my weight. Always had a low BMI. Always been skinny and boney. I'm 5"11, 55kgs so it's distributed poorly!

Never had an ED. Never actively tried to be skinny, in fact, always eaten a, good amount pre baby yet, couldn't keep it on, every blood test has shown every thing is completely fine. Not worried etc.

6 months PP - returned to pre pregnancy weight in a week (yes, lucky me I guess, but not in my eyes I'd of loved to keep the weight and be a healthy size.

Im now 50kgs, 5kgs less than my prepregnacy weight. DH's family are concerned about me, I EBF my daughter, so they assume I'm loosing all my nutrients to her and something is wrong.

AIBU to ask, why is it OK to say to someone who is underweight that they look unhealthy but to reverse it to someone who is over weight, its completely unacceptable? I've always looked the same, it's just because I no longer have a bump I look differently.

Maybe Im thinking way to much into the comment but, all my life I've been exposed to 'you mustnt eat enough' 'just skin and bones on you' 'have a burger!'

But, if i turned around and said to someone who was visably over weight in their BMI 'oh crumbs you should eat a salad' 'go have a jog' etc id be absolutely slaughtered, even with the best interests at heart?

Why is this so?

My BMI was 16 for years - just the way I was. I' could stuff myself on cakes and not gain an ounce. Every time I went to the GP he'd test me for thyroid but it was always ( and still is) fine.

That lasted through both pregnancies and each time I weighed less post birth than I had before. I also breastfed my babies

When I hit 30 my metabolism seemed to change. My BMI is now 21 and has been for years. Again it's stable and I've been through the menopause and it's still the same. Mind I have stopped eating the cakes!

Depression affects your appetite and people’s ability to recognise whether they’re eating enough. You’ve just had a baby and post natal depression is common. Do you think that could be part of the reason why your family are worried?

Thin shaming definitely is a thing but from what you’ve said, this seems to be coming from concern rather than criticism. Once you’ve told them all’s ok, I agree they should probably leave it.

I'm not surprised you get unwelcome comments all the time. For most of my adult life, my BMI was 17.5. I got a constant barrage of comments from strangers and family alike. Along the lines that I needed feeding up, could do with a good pie, looked like a gust would blow me over etc etc.

Although I was not that skinny, I did lose a job over it. The potential employer said that I didn't look strong enough for the job. I have never looked weak or sickly - I just didn't look muscular enough?

I found that people were much more vocal about it when I was younger, so you may find some relief as you get older.

For me, this all changed at menopause. My metabolism definitely changed and I am now 'stout'. I am definitely overweight with BMI of 28. Nobody ever mentions it, and I am still liable to be told that I am a tiny little thing (but less often). Thank goodness that I didn't heed any of the advice from family members to change my diet to match theirs, or I would be in real trouble now.

@Notthisagainfgs whatever you feel, if you are underweight and losing weight, you need more calories.

I have the opposite problem. Now I am in menopause territory I am horrified by how few calories I need to maintain my weight. I feel that I am eating moderately, even with restraint, but my appetite is deceiving me. Whatever I feel, the scales tell me different.

You could try adding in a mid morning/afternoon snack if you are not a breakfast person. Believe me, all those 200 calories add up (bad for me, good for you).

OP I'm unclear about whether you have seen a doctor recently. Pre-pregnancy, your BMI would have been 16.9 which is underweight but not massively so. Now it's dropped down to 15.3 which is very low. I think it would be worth going back if you haven't seen a GP recently, especially if your weight is likely to drop further through breastfeeding.

I think there are more reasons to be concerned about being underweight that overweight to be honest. Overweight is definitely damaging for your health IMO, but generally in the long term. Being very underweight is more of an immediate cause for concern because of eg the risks to the heart.

People should obviously be careful about how they phrase things, but I don't think making any comments about weight at either end of the spectrum completely taboo even for family speaking in private is massively helpful.

@WitchQueenofDarkness Was thyroid done in normal blood test? Or did you need another special test for that, if you don't mind me asking?

@Porcupineinwaiting I do indeed have a small snack, but, today, I'm going to have 2 slices of toast and try get into habit of doing so and hopefully make a difference!

@SickOfThisVirus I have indeed been to docs, very recently in fact 😊 my heart has always been relatively fast but I know why this is apart from that no issues with my heart 😊

I know how you feel. Pregnancy is the only time I look normal.
Received comments my whole life.
I just agree with people now, it seems to shut down the conversation and I can’t be bothered trying to explain myself.

I'm a similar height to you albeit I'm more like 65-70kg. I have always had similar comments.
I remember being in a lift at work and an overweight lady thought it was ok to comment on me being'so skinny'. I was furious and always regret not freezing and replying appropriately to her. She got out of the lift on the first floor. She may have had health problems, who knows, but she absolutely had no right to comment on my weight.

Ah well if your doctor is aware of all the facts and is not worried OP then that ought to be enough. I can still see why people might be worried as you are likely to appear very thin, but I hope that they would butt out if you explain that you have been seeking medical advice and your GP is content.

I do think that skinny shaming should be just as unacceptable as fat shaming, but I do think that some people class any comments about weight as shaming even if they do not really include a shaming element. For example, I've seen people say that they have been fat shamed by the doctor because they are overweight and the doctor told them that they should lose some weight as otherwise their health may suffer. I don't think this is in itself is shaming, and I've had a doctor say it to me once before so I know what it feels like. To me there's a massive difference between "Are you OK? I was a bit worried because it looks like you have lost/gained a lot of weight recently?" and "Oi fatty/skinny b*tch! Eat a salad/burger!"

You’re 5kg under your ‘normal’ weight which is still low. That’s 11 lbs. that’s noticeable. I’m not surprised your family have commented tbh.

Women are policed about every single aspect of their appearance. Jealousy or worry seems to be the main driver when someone is thin - disgust when someone is fat.

Even this thread is a reflection of real life for s thin person. Have you had tests for xyz, what did the doctor do, you obviouslycstlrrntceatingvrnough for
EBF(with no no knowledge of the amounts the OP is consuming- 2 meal's could be 500p calories with continual snacks, she really specify,) . That is the point shes making. Thin people can be thin just because they are judgement and comments arent needed. Us thin people hear them fro multiple people all the time. Start telling every overweight person you encounter to go jogging and go on a diet if you have to say something.

@Notthisagainfgs It was always done as part of a panel of tests. Every time it was fine and not even borderline. I also lost weight at the start whilst breastfeeding but it went back on after a couple of weeks and I was back to my usual pre pregnant 8st..

I still get the "thin" comments even though I'm now what is considered a healthy weight. Fortunately not so often as it is annoying.

@GlamGiraffe Yes, exactly my thoughts. Shame really, isn't it! Definitely made me feel worse, not better!

@SewingKit Good advice, think I'll do the same!

@Baxdream it's infuriating isn't it.

@MsEllany If you read the full thread, i stated, i fluctuate between 50-60 and always have done. Even before I fell pregnant I was around 53-55. This isn't 'new' this is 'normal'. I think it's only because I've had a baby everyone was expecting (or secretly hoping) I would of kept the weight as I shot up to around 70kgs! But obviously that was all baby. I personally wouldn't comment on anyones weight, especially after someone had told me, they knew they were underweight, had issues and had seeked medical advise and tests only for them all to come back completely normal.

@SickOfThisVirus Thank you 😊 Ive always seemed thin though, it's definitely nothing new! More the fact they knew I was undergoing tests etc and knew results? Then still mentioned it. I know, no harm was meant and they only care, but got me thinking is all! They are fab in laws and I'm very blessed and grateful for their concern just gets to me a bit when people obviously notice I'm not the same as others! No most definitely! I feel liek sometimes saying a concern either way can be heart felt and make you feel insecure which it is bound to, but seemingly it's more social acceptable to say it to the latter.💐

OP this winds me up too. I'm naturally very slim, always have been yet the amount of people who tell me I should eat more and I need to put weight on as I don't look healthy is unreal. Yet if I said to them they needed to loose weight and I thought they looked unhealthy and obese I'd be slaughtered by them as its frowned upon isn't it? Its not very fair and I find it so difficult to put weight on even though I have tried. I had a comment not too long ago at work, it was a windy day and a colleague told me to be careful I didn't blow away, I snapped back at them saying 'at least you wont have that problem' and they've never spoken to me since. Drives me mad

Aren't your family just concerned though. My point about the study is that only about 1% of the population are naturally slim/skinny if that is the case then it isn't a big number, I mean what are the chances that many of them are mumsnetters and yet you see this proclaimed all the time on here. It doesn't ring true with the figures and statistics so people, when they are close to you, may scrutinise this claim as the likelihood of being naturally skinny are very very low. Much more likely is the environmental factors that are the cause rather than genes. This is a generic comment not a comment on you. I have an acquaintance who claims she is naturally small, 'dainty' but she is not as she doesn't really bother eating and when she does she leaves lots of her food. She is very keen on the gym and running so again, these are environmental factors absolutely zero to do with genes.

I don't know. I feel for you, that sounds tough and people should mind their own business.

The only thing I would say is:
When people comment on your weight as an overweight person, they may well be concerned about that person's health, but there also seems to be a lot of disgust/fear bound up in people's feelings about fat people.

When people comment on your weight as an underweight (or very slim) person, they may well be concerned about that person's health, but there is often also an undercurrent of envy. More people want to be rather too thin than want to be rather too fat.

That doesn't excuse it, by the way, and I have no doubt it's hurtful.

There are always busybodies who comment on other people's bodies; fat people don't think they do it to thin people, but they do; thin people think they don't do it to fat people, but they do.

@Goldenbear Again, you are missing my point as such. People can be thin for number of different reasons not just because they are in this so called 1%. Yes, they are, thats absolutely fine. But, these concerns never arise before pregnancy and I've always fluctuated between these numbers, this is nothing new. I eat. Please, don't try and say I don't eat. I do not have an ED. I never exercise 😅 so it's not that either. I'm just naturally very thin.

There's song about loving your curves, being the best person you are, overweight people in the limelight and praised. But, underweight people shamed left right and centre and called unhealthy etc which seemily, both are, surely?

Left, right and centre? Where are you seeing this? I'm assuming it must be in women's magazines, though I haven't seen any faux concern like that in a while and some mags that used to do that, like Now, were roundly derided for doing so and have subsequently folded.

I would surmise that any personal attacks against slim people that you may read on Twitter or in the comments section of an online tabloid (the only places I can think of where this might be happening) – hideous though that is – are more than doubled by others attacking Kelly Brook, or Jessica Simpson, or even Zac Efron, for being fat.

Yes, there is a shift towards body positivity praising "curves" in the media and music industry, but this exists in conjunction with (and is dwarfed by) our historic fetishisation of slimness. It is not implicitly "skinny-shaming".

Hey OP. I used to have this. I even got called bulimic as people would see me stuffing my face & assume I was throwing it up afterwards.

I can’t stomach breakfast either, can’t really eat anything until about 11am. But I have found that liquid calories are the best way of keeping the weight on. Full fat milk, smoothies, that kind of thing. I’m not big on drinking alcohol but I do notice a difference to my weight when I do. Beer seems to work. But not when you’re breastfeeding

Op, well yes that is what I am trying to say you obviously are that 1%.

@Hamm87 @Spasandstripes has ot occured to you you might be somewhat guilty of casting the assertions OP has complained about. No comments or opinions ate needed. Her doctors arent concerned you do not need to question her either.

As above @SlowDown76mph @Alloftheboys and everyone else interrogating in a similar way.
Thin people can be thin without a pathological reason.
Interrogation does nothing but cause upset, distress and depression. Doctors routinely do tests when us skinnies visit them for random appointments and confirm we are fine. If they confirm we are it is not for unqualified "interested parties" to question that.

Agreed Tried to say that pages ago GlamGiraffe
The title of this thread is not Can You Help Me With My Weight? Or What Do You Think Is Wrong With Me?
OP is upset by comments from her inlaws and is now getting loads more on here!?!

Doctors are not worried. Tests have been done. Leave her alone

I did read your full thread @Notthisagainfgs whoever is commenting to you can’t see the number on the scale - you’re nearly a stone below the weight you were before you were pregnant and you were underweight then. Weight is carried differently after pregnancy. I don’t disagree with you that comments shouldn’t be made but as I said, you’re a woman. Everyone feels entitled to make comments about women’s appearances.