To be upset regarding this comment?

[Notthisagainfgs]

Back story - I have pretty much always struggled with my weight. Always had a low BMI. Always been skinny and boney. I'm 5"11, 55kgs so it's distributed poorly!

Never had an ED. Never actively tried to be skinny, in fact, always eaten a, good amount pre baby yet, couldn't keep it on, every blood test has shown every thing is completely fine. Not worried etc.

6 months PP - returned to pre pregnancy weight in a week (yes, lucky me I guess, but not in my eyes I'd of loved to keep the weight and be a healthy size.

Im now 50kgs, 5kgs less than my prepregnacy weight. DH's family are concerned about me, I EBF my daughter, so they assume I'm loosing all my nutrients to her and something is wrong.

AIBU to ask, why is it OK to say to someone who is underweight that they look unhealthy but to reverse it to someone who is over weight, its completely unacceptable? I've always looked the same, it's just because I no longer have a bump I look differently.

Maybe Im thinking way to much into the comment but, all my life I've been exposed to 'you mustnt eat enough' 'just skin and bones on you' 'have a burger!'

But, if i turned around and said to someone who was visably over weight in their BMI 'oh crumbs you should eat a salad' 'go have a jog' etc id be absolutely slaughtered, even with the best interests at heart?

Why is this so?

@Leflic

I think it’s because the vast majority of people that get fat is because they’ve made a choice to overeat. Some people get bloating or are on meds that make them put on weight but generally it’s down to too nanny calories. And frankly its not anyone’s place to tell another adult what they can or can’t do with their own body.

Being very underweight on the other hand, is a classic symptom of being seriously ill. Since getting sick is not really in your control, people are more comfortable expressing concern.

This co pretend nonsense. The notion of ‘choice’ around weight gain is problematic - just because being overweight is t always caused by a physical illness doesn’t mean it’s ‘choice’. And as for most people who are thin being so because of being ill...have you not come across the diet industry? The vast majority of people who are thin or very thin are not ill. They do, however, have a range of issues which cause them to undereat. Not always a choice, anymore than overeating is always a choice.

@PlanetSlattern Yes, I see both, but a majority I see at the moment are for underweight females. Memes with dog bones, memes of people with curves etc but maybe that's just the what Facebook likes to show me regarding the cookies etc (hope that makes sense as I forgot the word I was trying to think of in place!)

@Shemeanswell It's not nice is it, to be labelled (not saying that anyone with an ED is awful, by any stretch) it really gets me going, obviously! I remember my parents telling me over that I must be bulimic due to eating so much but never putting weight on! Me either, I just can't face it! I've been trying to role model to my daughter though which is different, in some ways. I do drink a lot of milk, which I hoped would of helped but it hasn't of yet! Not the biggest fan of beer, although I heard drinking a few drinks once in a while wouldn't matter too much to breastfeed after?

@Goldenbear seems to be a lot of us 1% on here then 😐

Thank you @GlamGiraffe and @wildthingsinthenight 💐 I was totally expecting it though! Like you say, wasn't a thread as a help me gain weight. This just proves my theory 😊

@MsEllany Very true they can't see the number but can obviously visibly see something although it does fluctuate daily, like I say. This evening I'm actually back to 55kgs, tomorrow I'll probably be 52 😅 there's no rhyme or reason to it! But yes, you are right there must be comments to a woman! At least my DP finds me attractive still, there's that I guess!

Generally, once people are slim they stop at that point and don’t tend to keep losing weight until they look unhealthily thin to others unless they are suffering from a physical or mental illness. I mean, I’m slim now so I wouldn’t now try to lose another stone so my hips and ribs protruded. Whereas with weight gain, most of us gain excess weight simply from eating more than we burn off so if people are overweight we don’t worry they have a serious illness.

Because it's easier and more socially accepted to say 'eat some more hun' instead of 'you should eat a bit less'. i remember a show called Supersize vs Superskinny. I always felt it was weird that they could say superskinny but not superfat. Double standards.
But people are concerned with you as you didn't have any reserves to lose and people associate being superskinny as on the verge of falling over /dying. Even though being obese should ring those same bells. But as most of the uk is overweight nowadays people don't see overweight as an issue anymore. It's become normal to be a size 14 and up.And the healthy size 8/10 it laughed at for being 'unrealistic' etc. sad really. But as you say you only eat 2 meals a day which is normal for you and you are breastfeeding it is no wonder that you are thinning out. And def not weird people worrry about you as you were already skinny before the baby.

@GenevaL So, all people who are slim are actively trying to be so? And because my bones stick out I must automatically have a serious illness... OK then 🙄

@Yeahnahmum A lot of people skip breakfast, my partner does so and he's an average weight? Does that mean he should be in the same category as myself? Even though we eat the same amount and to be fair, I probably eat more than him? Yet, weigh about 5st less? I get your point I do but it's a matter of a few KG's. They knew I was pressing the matter a knew the results so..

I agree it shouldn't be acceptable OP. I have a friend who is very similar and she hates the comments she gets about how she needs to eat a burger or whatever. Thing is, she actually does eat all that stuff, she doesn't have an ED or anything. She is just naturally very slim.

However, I think the society we live in puts underweight, slim, skinny etc in a 'good' box and overweight, fat whatever in a 'bad' one. Therefore, people think it's more acceptable to comment when someone is slim as it's seen as good and desirable in the world we live in so almost like a 'well why would you be upset?' kind of thing.

@fruitloopyloo I most definitely agree with you, it seems to go in phases though! Some years it's more positive to love your curves, others it's all round body confidence, some it's being so underweight it's ridiculous (like me I guess!) probably to play what's going on in media or what's being sold that year!

Honestly, if half the people on here or people have commented in the past truly saw how much I ate on a daily basis they'd be amazed, yes, I'm not going to lie I don't always pack away the food on a, daily basis but if I've lacked one day I definitely make up for it the next, having a baby is hard work too!

I do see everything everyone has said and I've taken it all on board, I do understand it, i really do, it's just not nice to be labelled as someone who must be seriously ill etc when I'm really not! Especially by people on MN who have never seen me! But knew there would be some negatives on here 😊

I think slim has always been the more desirable body shape in the media to be honest. I mean I know there's been a few body positivity initiatives where there may be a plus size model on a magazine cover a couple of times but I think the focus has always mainly remained on slim models, actresses, singers, idols etc.. and it's often the image that people aspire to. In the 21st century anyway.

I just think people don't think it's as bad to say it to a slim person because they are considered 'lucky' in a way. Especially women. I think there is a different pressure on men to be bulkier, my husband is quite slim and I know he gets hurtful comments sometimes too but I think the reasonings are different for men and women personally.

Well, that’s not what I said at all so I’m genuinely puzzled by your reply. You asked people to give you reasons why people felt more entitled to express concern about your weight loss than they would about someone’s weight gain and I had a think about why it could be and responded to your question. At no point did I say you had an automatic illness, for goodness sake! And of course all slim people are not trying to be so. But your question was not ‘why are some people so thin that their ribs show?’ and so that was not the question I was answering. You’re now finger pointing at me for answering your question about why other people are saying this stuff to you as if I’m one of them!

I noticed you’ve replied to some people with a string of questions which comes across as defensive and challenging - even though they are simply answering your question about why we think other people might be behaving this way!

@GenevaL I apologise, I must of read the comment wrong. Sometimes over texts you cannot get the context it is written in! I read it as in that was your own personal opinion on slim people, not how you thought others may view slim people. So again, I do apologise!

I have the opposite problem to you. I struggle with my weight even when I eat well. Some of your comments are quite fat phobic in that you don't quite seem to get if you are helpless over your size so are others at the opposite end of the scale. As you hopefully realise people commenting don't know anything about your personal circumstances or body. Just like you don't know if fat people eat salads.

Which is why it is completely unacceptable to comment on others bodies. So yanbu that these comments aren't OK. I suspect the people commenting feel as slim is more desired in society the comments are less hurtful, therefore acceptable. Also some people are just rude. I have on few occasions had comments about my size. Equally I wonder why they would think it's ok. Says more about them than you.

I have a few health issues. Which don't help my weight! I always ask for print outs of my blood tests. It's worth knowing what has been tested and how far in the normal range you are. I have an underactive thyroid and had symptoms before I was out of normal range. Then was diagnosed when it hit a specific number. This can't be the only thing this happens with

My DD1 (11) has always been very skinny; she's hit puberty so her shape is changing which I'm relieved about. I did worry whether she was eating enough (she's always been very fussy, too) and about her developing an eating disorder, especially as she's adopted and has attachment issues.

So I suspect some people commenting are not meaning to be rude and are genuinely concerned, especially as you've just had a baby. But making personal remarks about you being too skinny isn't polite at all. In reality, any kind of uninvited personal remark about someone's body is rude.

As an overweight person, I confess that in the past I would have thought it a very positive thing to be naturally skinny, but having worried about DD1 in recent years, I can see the other side of it.