To be upset regarding this comment?

[Notthisagainfgs]

Back story - I have pretty much always struggled with my weight. Always had a low BMI. Always been skinny and boney. I'm 5"11, 55kgs so it's distributed poorly!

Never had an ED. Never actively tried to be skinny, in fact, always eaten a, good amount pre baby yet, couldn't keep it on, every blood test has shown every thing is completely fine. Not worried etc.

6 months PP - returned to pre pregnancy weight in a week (yes, lucky me I guess, but not in my eyes I'd of loved to keep the weight and be a healthy size.

Im now 50kgs, 5kgs less than my prepregnacy weight. DH's family are concerned about me, I EBF my daughter, so they assume I'm loosing all my nutrients to her and something is wrong.

AIBU to ask, why is it OK to say to someone who is underweight that they look unhealthy but to reverse it to someone who is over weight, its completely unacceptable? I've always looked the same, it's just because I no longer have a bump I look differently.

Maybe Im thinking way to much into the comment but, all my life I've been exposed to 'you mustnt eat enough' 'just skin and bones on you' 'have a burger!'

But, if i turned around and said to someone who was visably over weight in their BMI 'oh crumbs you should eat a salad' 'go have a jog' etc id be absolutely slaughtered, even with the best interests at heart?

Why is this so?

I think yours is a good post and raises an important point

Think the main point is, don't comment in a back handed way to anyone in regards to their weight.

If you have a genuine concern then think about how you word it!

In all aspects of life not just regarding weight!😊

I think it’s because the vast majority of people that get fat is because they’ve made a choice to overeat. Some people get bloating or are on meds that make them put on weight but generally it’s down to too nanny calories. And frankly its not anyone’s place to tell another adult what they can or can’t do with their own body.

Being very underweight on the other hand, is a classic symptom of being seriously ill. Since getting sick is not really in your control, people are more comfortable expressing concern.

Obviously it is not OK to make comments about your weight, however from many threads on here it is becoming apparently OK to make comment of the fatness of others. So Yanbu but rather than face off the issue against your fat fellow humans, perhaps just face off against the rude fuckers who seem to think that commenting on anyone's body is fine. It isn't unless the person has solicited your opinion, and even then it should be treated as a sensitive subject.

What do you eat in an average day?

I'm the same OP, although my proportions are different (5ft and 6 stone 7).
I was back in my jeans the day of having DD (just to demonstrate how I don't hold weight anywhere.)

Not dieting, eat 3 good, well-rounded meals a day plus snacks, don't deprive myself of anything... I just cannot keep the weight on. I've been like it since school and was horrifically bullied because of it.

It seems to have always been perfectly okay to have open digs at slim people without much of a thought of how nasty it truly is.
Being overweight has become so normalised that normal body sizes are skewed and it makes slim people look even slimmer to the point that we're oddities.

Doesn't help that people think it's so easy to gain weight 'just eat more, I gain weight by looking at a slice of cake.'

I completely disregard comments about my weight now. My Dr isn't concerned as they can see the low BMI has been a pattern from a very young age, I'm comfortable and happy in myself, I'm healthy and fit so what anyone else thinks is irrelevant.

It's frustrating though!

I hope that, if I loved someone who had always been underweight but was now very significantly underweight, who was coping with a young baby and the strains that can place upon mental health and/or the capacity to self-care, that I would have the courage to try and make sure they were OK and getting all the support they needed. I guess how that would sound would vary from person to person, and it must be very easy to get the tone wrong when raising such a potentially sensitive topic.
I also hope that I would back-off once I had got the reassurance that the situation was in hand.
From personal experience, people are not slow to make comments about excess weight - I try to take it on the chin if it is coming from a place of genuine love and concern.

OP I agree with AlternativePerspective - Ask to have t3,t4, rt3 all tested. Thyroid issues are very common in pregnancy and if you had undiagnosed one prior to pregnancy it could have worsened. Many docs do not run full thyroid panel, only tsh which doesn't show thyroid function, only pituitary function. You can look up some good info online through "Stop the Thyroid Madness" it's a book/website that explains a lot that doctors tend to overlook about diagnosis and treatment. Good luck and congrats on the baby! Ignore the comments (assume they love and care about you) and focus on yourself and your health.

I have also always been very slim and used to think the same as you (i.e. how come people think it's OK to comment on a skinny person's weight in a negative way where it would be seen as rude if it were about an overweight person) as I was often on the receiving end of people's comments.

However, I lived in a shared house at one point and one of my house mates was quite overweight. A group of us went out together one night and I was shocked to hear the comments that complete strangers directed at my overweight friend in the street. Unpleasant, rude and deeply upsetting. It made me realise that people DO make nasty comments to overweight people too, I just hadn't 'seen' it before and had been focused on my own experience.

In terms of post-pregnancy weight, 5kg sounds like quite a bit to drop if you're normally 55kg. Are you supplementing your diet at all now you're breast-feeding, compared to how you'd normally eat? If not, it might be a good idea to consider it e.g. with protein powder shake or something. I did extended breast-feeding with my son and didn't think about diet and nutrition at all really and ended up with really low iron levels, grumpy and fatigued. If I were to do it again, I would definitely supplement with extra vitamins, protein & 'good' fats.

My friend went to the dentist when she was PG as it was free. She was asked how PG she was and when she said her baby was due in 3 weeks from the appointment she was scolded for not eating too much and to expect a baby who would be in NICU. Baby was a healthy weight and she was skinny again within a week, and got similar comments about stariving herself.

She is the same height as me 5' 6", and a size 6/8. I eat waaay too little and am a 10/12. She eats LOADS! Honestly, I have never known anyone who can pack it away like she can.

She is happy with her size but it really pisses her off that she can be "skinny shamed" but when I was at my biggest (a 20), no one would dream of saying a word to me.

YANBU

I used to be very thin and have also been overweight - think a couple of stone over a healthy BMI. When I was very thin I used to receive frequent rude comments about my weight, including faux-concerned questions about whether I had an eating disorder. No one has ever commented on my being overweight.

I wish we could all just agree that unsolicited comments on anyone's body are rude and unnecessary.

I agree, people judge overweight / underweight differently and feel entitled to call thin people 'anorexic' and tell them to eat more.

Being underweight can be caused by medical issues though, of course, just as overweight can too.

Do you feel well? Does your body feel right? If so, and you've always had that figure it's less likely there's anything wrong I would think.

why is it more socially acceptable to pick at underweight females? it is not acceptable either way; but you do know, I am sure you do when a comment it thrown at you about being underweight it generally comes in the guise of is she ill? Is something going on? and if a person is overweight a comment comes in the form, 'fat pig, can't stop eating, no self control'. You are not not getting the hard end of the comments by any stretch.

I'm sympathetic OP, and I agree that no one should skinny shame any more than they should fat shame but people absolutely do comment on fat people's bodies. Even you saying things about yourself like you're naturally slim and struggle to gain weight; that's accepted as being perfectly normal and possible (which it is) but if someone says they're naturally predisposed to being fat and really struggle to lose weight they're just accused of being lazy, making up excuses, not trying hard enough.

2 meals a day is not enough when ebf you need around 3000 calories a day when you do that so yea they have a right to be worried you are not eating enough for 1 let alone 2

YANBU. I have been both very slim (BMI 17) and obese (BMI 39)
I got comments at both extremes of the scale, but it's seen as more "acceptable" to tell an underweight person to eat more than to tell an overweight person to eat an apple instead of a chocolate bar.

However, if it's family and coming from a place of concern, I think it's different than some random person just saying it to be nasty. Depends on context really- what exactly was said?

You could be me op. I spent my life with these comments. I have had every test and all fine. I'm finally within the normal BMI but still very petite and slim. My appetite is enormous too.
The audacity of some very overweight people passing comments to me. Brushing it off and ignoring it only encourages them to continue. Call them out on it. More so if it's an overweight person, you will see the comments stop. I completely understand this op. It's like being thin is fair game but being overweight is taboo.

I'm in the same boat OP and a long time ago I just came to terms with the fact my weight and appearance is fair game, usually only to casual friends or acquaintances. It's a "Oh, we'd better book an extra taxi, I don't think Limpshade is going to squeeze in there, ho ho ho" here and a, "Well of course, LIMPSHADE won't be ordering a dessert, will she?!" there. My response depends on my mood; most of the time I just ignore it but if I'm feeling irritable, I might play stupid and keep repeating, "Sorry, I don't get it? What's the joke? Can you just explain that for me?" Until they get the message. It's very pas ag but so is making comments about someone's weight, IMO.

I have friends who would fall into the overweight category and what they get is far worse so I try not to pay it too much mind.

@Notthisagainfgs I feel your pain. As a fellow ultra skinny the thin shaming comments I receive are enormous (I have a bmi in the region of 16.4 normally). No ED, never had one, every test reveals
i have nothing at all wrong except I have an excessively high metabolic rate, like you I was back to pre baby weight within a fortnight.
People continually comment about my weight, how thin I am, how I must have something wrong, how I need to eat etc. All around me I now see unhealthily obese people and it has become acceptable to become large. We are told big is beautiful, fat shaming is not ok. Being big Is now the norm.
People have hot used to sn adjusted view if normal in one way and now bigger is normal. Yes we are small but if the general shift wasnt so muchv towards being large we wouldn't get nearly so many comments I dont think.

You "eat plenty" but are now managing 2 meals a day? I think you may find people who care about you might comment out of concern. It might be normal for you but then again you say you dont like being so thin and your BMI is low. So you really xant find time for a third meal?

Two things going on here:

1. It is undoubtedly rude for people to make these comments and they shouldn’t do so. Commenting on people’s bodies for whatever reason is rude an inappropriate behaviour and it shouldn’t happen.

1. Being ‘skinny shamed’ is NOT equivalent to being fat shamed because being thin in the ideal beauty standard in this country. People might make comments on your weight and that’s wrong, but you aren’t being persecuted for having a body which doesn’t conform to societal beauty standards. You aren’t less likely to be offered a job because of your weight - fat people are. You aren’t likely to be considered lazy, or lacking in self-control because of your weight - fat people are. You aren’t likely to be taken less seriously by medical professionals because of your weight - fat people are.

So while you’re entitled to be upset at the rudeness of people commenting on your body, please don’t present it as equivalent to fat shaming because they simply aren’t the same thing.

You should go back to the GP and push for answers - at your BMI your bones are being leached of calcium, especially since you're breastfeeding, which can lead to osteoporosis in later life (and it's not 'fixable' sadly - once the damage is done, it's done, which I know as a recovered anorexic). If they can't find anything obviously wrong they might just send you to a dietician who can recommend a healthy weight-gain diet. Bone health is not something to mess about with, I wish I'd known more about it.

I am a recovered anorexic. Obviously I can’t speak for everyone with an ED, but I remember that whenever someone said I was too skinny/ looking a bit slim, the ED part of my brain was absolutely thrilled- it actually egged me on, ‘keep doing what you’re doing Patchwork’, etc. I would be very, very wary of commenting on anyone else’s weight for this reason- people commenting out of ‘kindness’ for me actually played into the ED in a perverse way. For the record- I’m not blaming anyone who commented, I know that it was my issue, etc.

I’m not saying that you have an ED, OP- just wanted to give my point of view as someone who did have one. I’m not sure that commenting on my weight ‘out of concern’ actually did any good at all- in fact, it caused more damage. I’m not sure what the commenters thought would happen to be honest- whether they honestly thought I’d hit foot it to the GP immediately based on them saying I was a bit skinny? Eating disorders are absolutely evil and they just don’t work like that most of the time.

I also have a friend who is really poorly with quite extreme GI issues, is under dietician management etc. She’s very, very slim and finds comments on her weight painful as she’s desperate (and actively trying) to gain weight. She’s another reason why I would never comment on anyone’s weight.

I do think that overweight people get comments too, but I honestly don’t think it’s as frequent as slim people. I wonder if this is because ‘being slim’ is seen as the ideal in our society- it’s almost like being overweight is something shameful that shouldn’t be spoken of?

Honestly, if someone I loved had always been very slim, but then lost the guts of 10 percent of their normal body weight while ebf, and was only eating two meals a day, I'd be very worried.

A friend of mine had a baby at the same time I did, we used to meet up most weeks. One week she turned up visibly thinner, her skinny jeans we're flapping around her legs. I didn't feel comfortable saying something that day as we hadn't been friends long, but I was very worried. Next time we met up, she'd been to the GP about something else and the GP had raised it. She simply wasn't eating enough to cope with the calorie demands of bfing, and from then on had to concentrate on adding high calorie foods to every meal.

It's important to eat enough when pregnant and breastfeeding, not just for your immediate health, but your long term bone health etc as well.

Actually I notice this about my 8yr old. His is slim. It is often commented on by family about him being skin and bones, nothing too him etc etc. Yet when my niece got the school height/weight thing back they were disgusted it suggested she was over weight... No one comments on her size but will constantly comment on my sons (whose check came back in the healthy range) I know the school checks are bullshit but the whole attitude that being slim/underweight is fair game drives me crazy..