To be annoyed DH hugged his dad.

[gentlerock]

We've spent months being careful, we have a 5 month old baby and I'm vulnerable having mild asthma.

Last week DH Gran passed away suddenly.

Today DH called to see his Dad and told me they hugged as they were both really upset.

Now I completely sympathise with this, really I do, but bare in mind DH grandma spent 3 days in hospital before passing.

DH dad was there every day and the hospital announced yesterday there had been an outbreak on one of their wards affecting 4 staff and 3 patients(although it didn't state which ward so we don't know if was the one DH grandma was on)

I suffer with anxiety already and I'm petrified DD could end up ill or be left without parents.

I really do feel so annoyed with him. AIBU?!

YABU and you are not vulnerable with mild asthma

@ScissorsBike

Just take the baby to the funeral. It will do you good

Ummm even during a pandemic I don’t know anyone who would take a 5 month old to a funeral.

@Nicknacky

Take her with you. If you have to leave during the service then that’s ok. But think about how your H might want the support.

Just don’t use the baby as your excuse for not going when it’s your anxiety talking.

Yes I am anxious about going.

As I've said I haven't been out of the house (expect for walks)

Being in a room with 13 other people fills me with dread to be quite honest.

I meant even not during a pandemic

YABU. Your poor husband

No way

So if your daughter were upset. Because one of her parents die.

Don’t hug her.

See how that sounds?

Why not @OverTheRainbow88?

You’ve got more chance of having a breakdown being angry about it than you have of catching Covid from your husband.

If I was shoved in the spare room days after my grandmother had died for grieving i Would be taking myself to another house permanently.
Me too.
Not wanting to pile it on but Jesus!!!! YBVVUR

@saraclara

The risk to your mental health and the happiness of your husband and child is far greater than your risk of covid right now.

There are 280,000 people in my local authority. We are not one of the lowest risk authorities at all. But we have had NO confirmed cases of covid for the last week.

Do you seriously think that your DH or FIL are likely to have it, given those odds? And if they did, do you think a quick hug is enough to pass it on? And if they did pass it on that you and your child would be among the tiny minority of that tiny minority who will die?

You really do need some professional help.

Well our area two weeks ago was an area of concern and we we're still seeing 5-10 cases per day!!

Nicknacky

gentlerockDon’t get arsey, you didn’t say there was 16 going. Just that 16 were allowed.

My reply was not arsey!!

16 people are "allowed" I think it's pretty obvious really that it will be at full capacity.

The lady was 88 she knew way more than the 16 people limit.
........

It really isn't obvious that 16 people were going. 10 were allowed to my mums funeral and only 9 went, and not because she only knew 9 people.

Also I had hugs with my family at the time. We needed them.

YABU - get help for your anxiety and apologise to your husband

I came on here to "vent" my feelings and haven't expressed them to my husband at all.

And yet here everyone is telling you your feelings are unreasonable for a multitude of reasons and you're not getting it.

Getting a fucking hold of yourself. No your DH is not irresponsible for holding, supporting and grieving with his own dad during his time of loss. You're irrationally holding him accountable for a near non-existent risk to you and your baby.

Presumably husband washes his hands and changes clothes.

@Coulddowithanap

Nicknacky

gentlerockDon’t get arsey, you didn’t say there was 16 going. Just that 16 were allowed.

My reply was not arsey!!

16 people are "allowed" I think it's pretty obvious really that it will be at full capacity.

The lady was 88 she knew way more than the 16 people limit.
........

It really isn't obvious that 16 people were going. 10 were allowed to my mums funeral and only 9 went, and not because she only knew 9 people.

Also I had hugs with my family at the time. We needed them.

Okay well I thought it was obvious.

Either way I wasn't intentionally trying to be arsey.

Op unless you and your baby have a vaccine if ever there is one made, Covid will be around for a long time.

I'm a single mum of 3 and I have controlled asthma. I understand your concerns. But this is ott

You can isolate all you like but don't get angry your dh hugged his grieving father. That's wrong

Depending on where you live the risk at the funeral could be virtually zero - there have been no positive cases in a few areas for several weeks. If you are in an area with more cases I think it would be understandable to stay home, but not to suggest your husband slept in the spare room afterwards.

You do need to get some help for your anxiety.

@jessstan2

Presumably husband washes his hands and changes clothes.

Washed his hands yes. Changed his clothes no!

However I he has since showered before holding DD or hugging me.

Gentlerock

Ok, you came on here to 'vent' but long into the thread you suggested you were considering banishing him to the spare room.

You blame your reactions on anxiety but many posters have explained the low level of risk, and you're still actually arguing the point.

Many of us experience debilitating anxiety. I did (much improved & medication helped) but it didn't stop me considering others' feelings and knowing when to prioritise them.

@feliciabirthgiver

YABU - get help for your anxiety and apologise to your husband

Apologise for what. Please see my previous replies. I haven't said anything to DH about this.

Mild asthma is nothing to worry about really. OH had flu then pleurisy last year. His asthma was not of concern then. As for cases most of us are seeing a few every day, those people are doing fine. I suspect it is your first baby so it is all very new, even without covid you would be stressing about someone with a cold just now.

YABU and sound overly anxious

I hugged my husband whilst he sobbed this afternoon. He told me he'd been to see his dad and they were both upset and hugged.

So you may as well join him in the spare room then

@EarringsandLipstick

Gentlerock

Ok, you came on here to 'vent' but long into the thread you suggested you were considering banishing him to the spare room.

You blame your reactions on anxiety but many posters have explained the low level of risk, and you're still actually arguing the point.

Many of us experience debilitating anxiety. I did (much improved & medication helped) but it didn't stop me considering others' feelings and knowing when to prioritise them.

So why then am I having a hard time considering what he did was necessary?

I genuinely don't think I'm a heartless or cold person. I'm not.

But I can't help but feel like what he did was a potential risk to myself but even worse DD. 😔

@WorraLiberty

I hugged my husband whilst he sobbed this afternoon. He told me he'd been to see his dad and they were both upset and hugged.

So you may as well join him in the spare room then

Yeah well I didn't know at the start of the hug. Probably contributes to why I'm feeling annoyed.