To be annoyed DH hugged his dad.

[gentlerock]

We've spent months being careful, we have a 5 month old baby and I'm vulnerable having mild asthma.

Last week DH Gran passed away suddenly.

Today DH called to see his Dad and told me they hugged as they were both really upset.

Now I completely sympathise with this, really I do, but bare in mind DH grandma spent 3 days in hospital before passing.

DH dad was there every day and the hospital announced yesterday there had been an outbreak on one of their wards affecting 4 staff and 3 patients(although it didn't state which ward so we don't know if was the one DH grandma was on)

I suffer with anxiety already and I'm petrified DD could end up ill or be left without parents.

I really do feel so annoyed with him. AIBU?!

You seem to have lost all ability to rationally assess risk factors.

It is OTT. Like pp for the first few weeks I had a shower every time I came back inside, had ‘inside’ and ‘outside’ clothes, wiped down or left packages. That stopped very quickly as I soon realised it’s ridiculous

Now I don’t do those things, I also hug my parents (one of whom is a key worker) and have even travelled over 5 hours on a train and I am still here with no Covid

Washing hands, wear a face mask when out and don’t stand too close to strangers is more than effective

@OverTheRainbow88

We aren’t vulnerable and clean things on the way in, doesn’t take long. We’ve stopped having takeaways... mainly to save money though. And only meeting people outside. I guess you do what makes you feel safe during this time.

@OverTheRainbow88 the thing im obviously struggling with is recognising what is "ok" to do to feel safe and what is irrational.

I do a lot of things to help me feel safe during this but now I'm questioning if I should be doing these things.

Lot of these comments have made me feel super paranoid, like there is something seriously wrong with me!!! @gentlerock

Op, there is not anything wrong with you, you are suffering majorly from anxiety though. You need to speak to your GP but you seem reluctant to. We can't help you but you do really need to get this under control.

I don't just mean the risks of the outcome, I mean the risks of just catching it.

That doesn’t change anything.

gentlerock, all through your children's life you'll be exposed with situations you'll have to evaluate risks against benefits and you will worry for your child(ren). Supposedly it doesn't even stop once they become adults.

Our natural instinct is to shelter them. The problem is that it is easy to identify what we are protecting them from when we shelter them, it is much harder to identify what risk we put them under by doing so. Yet these risks are more often than not more damaging when you consider both likelihood and severity.

What will you do when your child will take their first walk to the shop without you? Your instinct will be to not allow it for as long as possible because they don't need to do it. You can walk with them so it's not worth the risk. However the impact on your child safe esteem, learning to look out and take responsibility for themselves and feel different to their peer, will have a significant long term effect when you multiply this by all the things you'll protect him from, some you won't even be conscious off.

The earlier you teach yourself to accept that there is risk around us every minute of our lives, much of which we have no control over, the better you'll equip your child to enjoy life without limiting him because of a strong fear of something of very little risk.

@Sirzy

You seem to have lost all ability to rationally assess risk factors.

Yeah you're probably right .

If you're being serious about washing take aways before bringing them inside, then yes you are being very OTT. You have said you are following government guidelines but there have never been any suggesting you do that. And the guidelines now allow you to shop, eat in restaurants, go to work etc. You need to realise that the world has moved on from the start of the pandemic. We know a lot more about it now. We know it's somewhat under control in this country now. But we also know that it could be around for a while. What you are doing is not healthy or sustainable. You need to see this, literally, by beginning to return to normal life and go outside. See what everyone else is doing.

And seek professional help for your anxiety.

I do a lot of things to help me feel safe during this but now I'm questioning if I should be doing these things.

You shouldn’t be doing these things. You’ve no need to.

What you should do is go to your GP and ask for help with your anxiety because it is out of control and stopping you living life in a functioning manner.

You need help for the sake of you and your family; this isn’t a good environment for your daughter to grow up in and she’ll already be picking up the anxiety from you when you hold her and when you’re around her.

Having mild asthma doesn’t really make you any more vulnerable than the general population FWIW. Have you had a look at the asthma UK website?

YABU

@Yetiyoga

Lot of these comments have made me feel super paranoid, like there is something seriously wrong with me!!! *@gentlerock*

Op, there is not anything wrong with you, you are suffering majorly from anxiety though. You need to speak to your GP but you seem reluctant to. We can't help you but you do really need to get this under control.

Not reluctant to get help.

Guess I have isolated for too long and assumed this is how most people were dealing with the pandemic.

I do think that today If you can you need to phone your HV or GP and discuss how you are feeling and take the first steps to letting them support you.

Okay but if you put the food packaging on the kitchen side, wouldn't you then need to wipe the sides down?

If you touched packaging before you'd gotten plates and you then touched cupboards wouldn't you clean then down too?

OP, I think you're overthinking every possible thing. The likelihood of you catching Coronavirus because you touched a package and then touched your cupboard door is so so so so small.

You really need to speak to someone about this, from your replies it really seems like this could get massively out of control.

There was never even any recommendations to wipe down shopping or parcels in the first place because the risk is so slim.

I'd just take the package, plate up and wash my hands. Same with my shopping or post. There really is no need to be wiping down all your surfaces and handles every time you take in a takeaway. This is getting out of control.

In the kindest way possible, what you are doing is way OTT

You are doing things that are not advised anywhere on the Govt website

Laundry - no special guidelines, just wash as normal, not after every wear

Don't need to wipe shopping or takeaways

Don't need to quarantine mail

Just clean surfaces with antibacterial cleaner twice a day and wash hands with soap and water often

Try and stop doing one thing at a time; if you are finding really difficult you may need some help with your anxiety

OverTheRainbow
I took my 3 month old to my grandmothers funeral.
Simply because all my family were going and there was no one else able to have him.

@FruitLoopyLoo

Okay but if you put the food packaging on the kitchen side, wouldn't you then need to wipe the sides down?

If you touched packaging before you'd gotten plates and you then touched cupboards wouldn't you clean then down too?

OP, I think you're overthinking every possible thing. The likelihood of you catching Coronavirus because you touched a package and then touched your cupboard door is so so so so small.

You really need to speak to someone about this, from your replies it really seems like this could get massively out of control.

There was never even any recommendations to wipe down shopping or parcels in the first place because the risk is so slim.

I'd just take the package, plate up and wash my hands. Same with my shopping or post. There really is no need to be wiping down all your surfaces and handles every time you take in a takeaway. This is getting out of control.

There was never even any recommendations to wipe down shopping or parcels in the first place because the risk is so slim.

Well I didn't just make this up, at the start of the pandemic so many people on here had posted about things like this and I've done the same thing for months now.

@Babs709, it's up to everyone to apply what infection control metgods they want to. We all live in different areas, living different lives, some people are clinically vulnerable, or in touch with people who are. Not everyone lives in an area were social distancing is being applied and now masks aren't being worn. Some have to travel on public transport. Studies done showed that shoes did carry traces of Covid because that's were droplets settle, at ground level.

OP, you aren't vulnerable because you have mild asthma. I agree with what's been said about this being about your anxiety. Other people, including your partner and child, shouldn't have to live according to your anxiety.

I’m going to have to hide this thread now OP because you’re just not listening.

You aren’t going to get help; you’re just going to continue on this way with all your excuses for doing so (because you have no need to do any of it) and passing your anxiety onto your daughter.

You’re not protecting your child, you’re going to end up harming her with those nonsense. She’s only young, yes, but she can pick up on your anxiety and it’s not acceptable to know that’s happening and allow it to continue while not getting help.

YABVU

@heartsonacake

I’m going to have to hide this thread now OP because you’re just not listening.

You aren’t going to get help; you’re just going to continue on this way with all your excuses for doing so (because you have no need to do any of it) and passing your anxiety onto your daughter.

You’re not protecting your child, you’re going to end up harming her with those nonsense. She’s only young, yes, but she can pick up on your anxiety and it’s not acceptable to know that’s happening and allow it to continue while not getting help.

I've actually text my health visitor this morning!! 😔

I am listening. I'm asking for genuine advice because I've clearly been living this way for too long and lost touch with reality.

@jackstini, at the very start the wiping down of shopping, quarantining things for 72 hours ect were given out as precautions. Not everyone vulnerable could shield and recommendations were given on how to make things safer. It was the regular doctor on the BBC, who was on all of the morning shows and some virologists who were saying that.

The original shielding letters were telling us to not even go into our gardens, touch bins etc.

OP, stop reading MN for corona advice. Only look at the official government site for your area every couple of days, this alone will start to help.
Call your GP
Your way over thinking everything, going down a never ending spiral and it's not good for your or your DH and DD

Im in aus but I've never quarantined mail, wiped shopping or takeaway, no special wash routine for clothes or shoes, never washed keys, door handles. Even when we didnt know much about corona, the whole concept was way to OTT.
I didn't know a single person IRL who was doing it, yet parenting forums both aus and UK were all fear cesspools

Op you sound very very anxious which is awful to live with I think this is what needs to be addressed

The situation at the moment is man king many people anxious you are not alone

In my area, since Monday we've had 34 new cases.
Population 345,000

I didnt think I was being unreasonable to be concerned and put measures into place to be safe.