To be annoyed DH hugged his dad.

[gentlerock]

We've spent months being careful, we have a 5 month old baby and I'm vulnerable having mild asthma.

Last week DH Gran passed away suddenly.

Today DH called to see his Dad and told me they hugged as they were both really upset.

Now I completely sympathise with this, really I do, but bare in mind DH grandma spent 3 days in hospital before passing.

DH dad was there every day and the hospital announced yesterday there had been an outbreak on one of their wards affecting 4 staff and 3 patients(although it didn't state which ward so we don't know if was the one DH grandma was on)

I suffer with anxiety already and I'm petrified DD could end up ill or be left without parents.

I really do feel so annoyed with him. AIBU?!

@Girlsjustwanna

"You’ve given a lot of identifying info here op"

Such as...?

If you've identified me; hi....😁

Lot of these comments have made me feel super paranoid, like there is something seriously wrong with me!!!

Of course there's not something seriously "wrong" with you.

Why do you think that?

Obviously the comments but what about them?

The negative ones or the ones suggesting things would be better if you got some help for your anxiety?

Don't worry about the latter! Posters saying that just want what's best.

OP you have a responsibility to your child to get some help for this anxiety. I appreciate that lockdown and having a baby has probably exaggerated feelings you already had but you need to find a way, with help from your GP, to control this.

My best friend has crippling anxiety and what’s worse than seeing how it affects her is seeing the effect that it has on her little girl. She is so young and starting to show signs of anxiety too, it’s heartbreaking to see

@Serena1977 isn't this being ott?

I personally think it is. I live in Mexico and we are at the height of the epidemic and all I do is keep a safe distance, wear a mask on public transport and in shops and carry some gel to use before I touch my face or the mask. I also hug by dgd who doesn't live with me, because life is too short to be miserable all the time.

Wow You are horrible and selfish

OP - really think about how this is transmitted. A droplet containing Covid virus needs to have left your father in law and entered your DH through his nose or mouth or eyes. Did they speak at length while very close together and not wearing a face covering? More than 10-15 mins? Or was it just a quick hug? Were either of them coughing or sneezing on each other? Really think about how this is transmitted then try to relax.

@gentlerock
I was content with hand gel and washing hands, but after seeing so much fear mongering at the start I found myself doing so much more and now I'm at the point where I don't know what I should or shouldn't be doing for the best. Like when DD had her vaccinations, I came home and bathed us both. Now I'm sat thinking should I be putting DH's clothes straight into the wash (they're currently in the wash basket

I also wish to be gentle here because living the way you are sounds desperate. But you’ve talked about following the rules yet you are making your own up as you go along. Did your health visitor / nurse / GP tell you to bathe yourself and your DD after vaccinations? Where did you read that clothes must be separated and washed immediately if someone has come into contact with another person?

You could of course read up on the current guidance which has moved on since the start of the pandemic as transmission rates in the community are now do low. Shielding stops soon too. And as others have said, you are not vulnerable (at least not too COVID). But I’m not sure that would help you as you’ve got so entrenched in your catastrophising.

It is unlikely that there will be zero risk from COVID anytime soon. It is about risk reduction and managing risk. It is also highly likely that another virus will come along in you and your DD’s lifetime.

So the best thing you can do is get help / treatment to at least manage your anxiety or else you are not going to be able to fully enjoy being a mother. No one is to blame for having mental health issues, but as adults, we need to take responsibility for seeking help with them. You are not a completely deluded paranoid schizophrenic so there is no excuse for not getting help. You have acknowledged yourself that your thinking patterns are skewed. I sincerely hope you do this for your whole family’s sake or life is going to be pretty miserable for you all.

[quote Doggybiccys]@gentlerock
I was content with hand gel and washing hands, but after seeing so much fear mongering at the start I found myself doing so much more and now I'm at the point where I don't know what I should or shouldn't be doing for the best. Like when DD had her vaccinations, I came home and bathed us both. Now I'm sat thinking should I be putting DH's clothes straight into the wash (they're currently in the wash basket

I also wish to be gentle here because living the way you are sounds desperate. But you’ve talked about following the rules yet you are making your own up as you go along. Did your health visitor / nurse / GP tell you to bathe yourself and your DD after vaccinations? Where did you read that clothes must be separated and washed immediately if someone has come into contact with another person?

You could of course read up on the current guidance which has moved on since the start of the pandemic as transmission rates in the community are now do low. Shielding stops soon too. And as others have said, you are not vulnerable (at least not too COVID). But I’m not sure that would help you as you’ve got so entrenched in your catastrophising.

It is unlikely that there will be zero risk from COVID anytime soon. It is about risk reduction and managing risk. It is also highly likely that another virus will come along in you and your DD’s lifetime.

So the best thing you can do is get help / treatment to at least manage your anxiety or else you are not going to be able to fully enjoy being a mother. No one is to blame for having mental health issues, but as adults, we need to take responsibility for seeking help with them. You are not a completely deluded paranoid schizophrenic so there is no excuse for not getting help. You have acknowledged yourself that your thinking patterns are skewed. I sincerely hope you do this for your whole family’s sake or life is going to be pretty miserable for you all.[/quote]
I've actually read a lot of things from other posters on here! Just reading what others do.
Washing clothes. Quarantining Mail, spraying shoes.

I thought that was what a lot of people were doing and I've just been doing the same.

The issue is I've done all off these things for months now so it's going to be hard to just suddenly stop.

@gentlerock I was doing all the above for the first 6 -8 weeks and I woke up one day and just stopped as it was ridiculous and bloody miserable. We just wash our hands regularly and that’s it now. Maybe just stop one thing at a time if you want to.

I've actually read a lot of things from other posters on here! Just reading what others do.
Washing clothes. Quarantining Mail, spraying shoes.

I thought that was what a lot of people were doing and I've just been doing the same.

The issue is I've done all off these things for months now so it's going to be hard to just suddenly stop.

Unfortunately this is one of the problems about threads which normalise such things.

Everyone wasn't doing that. A number of people were and often very vocal on threads but lots of us were trying to balance the argument about risk benefits of doing that. And some were pointing out the issues with where does this stop.

@ButterMeCrumpets

I've actually read a lot of things from other posters on here! Just reading what others do. Washing clothes. Quarantining Mail, spraying shoes.

I thought that was what a lot of people were doing and I've just been doing the same.

The issue is I've done all off these things for months now so it's going to be hard to just suddenly stop.

Unfortunately this is one of the problems about threads which normalise such things.

Everyone wasn't doing that. A number of people were and often very vocal on threads but lots of us were trying to balance the argument about risk benefits of doing that. And some were pointing out the issues with where does this stop.

@ButterMeCrumpets

Ok, so what do most people do?

For instance we have a takeaway and we wash the packaging before it comes into into house (my choice not DH)

So is this safe and reasonable, given the pandemic, or is this OTT?

That is OTT. Just take it out of the packaging, put it on a plate, put the packaging in the bin and wash your hands before you eat ... which is pretty much normal no?

I've actually read a lot of things from other posters on here! Just reading what others do.
Washing clothes. Quarantining Mail, spraying shoes.

I thought that was what a lot of people were doing and I've just been doing the same.

No. Only a vocal minority were doing those things, and those people tended to be those who were extremely vulnerable and on the shielding list. You are neither.

@gentlerock I understand where you are coming from and don't think you are unreasonable. Just be on guard for any symptoms. Everyone appears to have forgotten we are still in the midst of a coronavirus pandemic pending a second wave.

So is this safe and reasonable, given the pandemic, or is this OTT?

It’s hugely OTT. You aren’t vulnerable or shielding; you shouldn’t have this much anxiety over it.

I chuck away the packaging, wash my hands and eat.

Washing hands is the only thing I do more of.

For takeaways or any meal, place food on plate. Throw packaging away. Wash hands and then eat.

For post. Open letters, read, discard or file away. Then wash hands.

[quote Bitchwood]@gentlerock I understand where you are coming from and don't think you are unreasonable. Just be on guard for any symptoms. Everyone appears to have forgotten we are still in the midst of a coronavirus pandemic pending a second wave.[/quote]
Well these have been my thoughts exactly.

It was never about the lack of empathy, or understanding, always about the risk involved.

It was never about the lack of empathy, or understanding, always about the risk involved.

The risk to you has always been minimal because you're not shielding or vulnerable. Hence your actions and anxiety have gone too far.

@ButterMeCrumpets

Washing hands is the only thing I do more of.

For takeaways or any meal, place food on plate. Throw packaging away. Wash hands and then eat.

For post. Open letters, read, discard or file away. Then wash hands.

Okay but if you put the food packaging on the kitchen side, wouldn't you then need to wipe the sides down?

If you touched packaging before you'd gotten plates and you then touched cupboards wouldn't you clean then down too?

We aren’t vulnerable and clean things on the way in, doesn’t take long. We’ve stopped having takeaways... mainly to save money though. And only meeting people outside. I guess you do what makes you feel safe during this time.

@heartsonacake

It was never about the lack of empathy, or understanding, always about the risk involved.

The risk to you has always been minimal because you're not shielding or vulnerable. Hence your actions and anxiety have gone too far.

@heartsonacake

I don't just mean the risks of the outcome, I mean the risks of just catching it.

Also gentle rock I’m not sure why you are still on this thread?

Washing clothes. Quarantining Mail, spraying shoes.

I don’t know what most of this means. Spraying shoes with what?! Why would my shoes give me coronavirus?
Washing clothes when? Every time you’ve been outside?

I get the “can’t stop now I’ve started” thing but why was anyone ever doing these things?