To be annoyed DH hugged his dad.

[gentlerock]

We've spent months being careful, we have a 5 month old baby and I'm vulnerable having mild asthma.

Last week DH Gran passed away suddenly.

Today DH called to see his Dad and told me they hugged as they were both really upset.

Now I completely sympathise with this, really I do, but bare in mind DH grandma spent 3 days in hospital before passing.

DH dad was there every day and the hospital announced yesterday there had been an outbreak on one of their wards affecting 4 staff and 3 patients(although it didn't state which ward so we don't know if was the one DH grandma was on)

I suffer with anxiety already and I'm petrified DD could end up ill or be left without parents.

I really do feel so annoyed with him. AIBU?!

Yes why @Nanny0gg, if it’s a relatives funeral there’s often nowhere else they can go. Have you ever been to a funeral with a baby?

YABU. Seriously, have a heart.

You are not classed as vulnerable because you have mild asthma. You are all going to be fine.

Yes definitely yabu. Very.

I have asthma and a heart condition....l haven't been able to shield as I'm a nurse.

So l do think YABU in this circumstance

Can we step back and take a little risk assessment here?

Covid isn’t going anywhere. You might very well get it OP, your DD might very well get it. Do any other posters have any stats on what the chances are of getting it asymptomatically, mildly, moderately etc.? Even if you ended up hospitalised, there is no assumption that means “in ICU, on a ventilator”. And then if we go a step further, even if somehow that did happen... that doesn’t mean you are going to die.

I think it’s wise that we all take reasonable steps to avoid getting it. But what you are describing isn’t reasonable. You cannot live your life (1) avoiding going out and (2) washing yourselves and your clothes as soon as you do have to go out.

I am heartbroken for you that your nearest and dearest haven’t cuddled your tiny baby. You never get those years back. You are right that Boris hasn’t officially given the green light for this to happen, but there are plenty of credible sources that acknowledge touching other human beings (especially children) is inevitable and important and give advice on how to do this as safely as possible.

Please don’t scoff at seeing your GP. You are not alone. There will be a significant number of people who do not know how to navigate moving forward now. Discuss this with a professional if you can’t do it alone.

God what a depressing thread. YABVU. Unbelievably so. I really feel for your husband.

I don’t like babies at funerals. My sister brought my nephew to my gran’s when he was 6 months. He was noisy, we were all on edge. It meant our attention wasn’t on the service.

I think the focus should be on immediate family who are grieving.

I tested positive for covid and was asymptomatic. Have also tested negative for antibodies.

Thank goodness your Husband is a kind man who did the decent thing and gave his bereaved father a hug.

I'm so shocked that you need to ask.

In the kindest possible way you are not being rational and probably need some support from the gp.

www.nursingtimes.net/news/research-and-innovation/over-40-of-covid-19-infections-are-asymptomatic-suggests-study-01-07-2020/

Yes I think you're being unreasonable. I hugged my parent when their dog died through lockdown never mind their mother.

Comments like 'you're awful', 'hysterical', 'get a grip' are not things anyone should say to someone with anxiety (which is a mental health condition).

My daughter, who can tend to overthink things, had a premature baby at the start of lockdown. Her baby had surgery and spent 5 wks in NICU. My daughter is now having CBT because of PTSD (over the telephone). She has not been in a shop or crowded shopping street since before lockdown and I don't think she would take her baby to a family gathering (even with masks).

I do not think OP is unreasonable.

Responses on this thread just reminded me of the reason why the Jeremy Kyle show was 'canned'.

YABVU.

I get that you suffer anxiety, but to begrudge your husband a hug from his dad when his mother has died is..shocking to me tbh.

@gentlerock myself and someone else suggested you may be autistic spectrum. The way you are sticking your heels in makes me think it is worth exploring.

Try this. It isn’t a diagnosis, but if you score highly it might be worth raising with your GP along with discussing your current anxiety - www.clinical-partners.co.uk/for-adults/autism-and-aspergers/adult-autism-test

Is it just the physical hug you aren't happy with? As your mum has been coming over and you've been meeting with your friends?

Wow

We've had two family members die since March. None of us have hugged anyone else in our family, we've all stuck to just our own households. It's been horrible but it's what's recommended so we've just got on with it.

I personally wouldn't take a baby to a funeral in your situation but I wouldn't have an issue with DH hugging his dad.

I have a friend similar to you and she is now on medication for her anxiety due to coronavirus. She wasn't anxious before. It is hard to talk to her about it as she is so irrational. I have been very careful for months but a lot of our DCs activities have started back so we are now out and about a lot more. It is hard to get into feeling comfortable at first for sure. It is also clear that the guidelines are to social distance still so I agree that I wouldn't be letting anyone hold my baby other than probably my parents. Our LA has had very few cases in the last month and no deaths for over a month so it is hard to still feel worried about it but we are still keeping vigilant.

I think you probably know you are being unreasonable.

I've read all sorry of stories of people contracting Covid in churches too. 😕

No, you haven't.

As kindly as possible, yes YABU.
Firstly, there's no evidence that asthma sufferers are more at risk than other people, especially those who have mild asthma. As you are presumably young and female, you are pretty low risk, as is your LO.

I get that coronavirus anxiety is a major issue for many, but I think it's important to take the virus seriously and act with proportionate caution without essentially losing one's mind. Your freshly bereaved DH hugged his very freshly bereaved dad. You simply cannot begrudge him this.

I would echo what other posters say about getting meds for anxiety. I have suffered badly with it in the past and I know first hand how it can completely distort one's perspective of events. I don't wish to belittle your strongly held feelings, but your reaction here is clearly disproportionate, and it does seem clear that it is your anxiety that is clouding your judgement here. I take magnolia bark which helps me feel less anxious and it works very well, but there are many other remedies that can help you, both with or without a prescription.

Good luck op.

We all have to find a way to move on safely and that includes coming to terms with risk. Dh has been working in hospital. At one point we were disinfecting everything and he was having showers as soon as he came in and washing clothes separately and sleeping in the spare room. But the risk has gone down and what we were doing was unsustainable long term.

I have to go back to work now and leave my baby with a childminder and kids at school but I'm ok with it now because we have got to live with risk. Young children are, generally speaking much safer than the rest of us. Mild asthma is not a major risk factor.

You have got to be able to cope with this situation. Yes it's a global pandemic but taking my kids to opticians, buying new school shoes, comforting someone who is grieving are all things I am willing to do. Slight risk but essential. They should not be stressful.

This is bonkers. I hate to break it to you but you have more chance of dying in a car crash than of covid, unless you are elderly and obese. Get out there and live your life.