To be annoyed DH hugged his dad.

[gentlerock]

We've spent months being careful, we have a 5 month old baby and I'm vulnerable having mild asthma.

Last week DH Gran passed away suddenly.

Today DH called to see his Dad and told me they hugged as they were both really upset.

Now I completely sympathise with this, really I do, but bare in mind DH grandma spent 3 days in hospital before passing.

DH dad was there every day and the hospital announced yesterday there had been an outbreak on one of their wards affecting 4 staff and 3 patients(although it didn't state which ward so we don't know if was the one DH grandma was on)

I suffer with anxiety already and I'm petrified DD could end up ill or be left without parents.

I really do feel so annoyed with him. AIBU?!

Firstly, don't worry about going to the funeral. You shouldn't have to defend yourself over that and I think people are nitpicking.

Secondly, there is no way a GP will laugh at you if you explain what you have here. You admit you suffer from anxiety anyway so asking for treatment is just the sensible thing to do.

I really sympathise with all mothers who have young babies at the moment, especially those who already suffer from anxiety.

Why don’t you feel comfortable taking your DD to the funeral though?

If it’s because you think that other people will react badly to noise then the chances are that you are mistaken.

Is it because you are scared to take her there in case you or she catches Covid-19? You can social distance.

I know I seem heartless. You’re missing the point. Do not think about what anyone else will think about your decision to go or not go. Think long and hard about whether you want to be there because of your relationship with the lady who has passed away and/or her family. Let that be the only factor in your decision because there are no genuine practical barriers.

Some bitches on here.

Unless you’ve had a lockdown baby and been made to feel that you’re risking their health by not following guidelines to the letter you can fuck right off.

Of course the situation makes some people more cautious. I haven’t been in a supermarket since the week my lockdown baby was born because why the hell would I, if I could get deliveries?

Of course it’s OTT but you do what helps you sleep at night (not that I sleep at night, clearly...)

Have some bloody empathy.

You said mild asthma. You must know yabu.

Oh and if the clothes are really causing you bother just wash them.

Don't sit there torturing yourself.

So seem to have accepted that you are overly anxious and YABU re your DH so I'm not going to comment on that but in terms of going with your DD you said

DD is 5 months old. She's at the stage of babbling and curiousness.
She's not a quiet sleeping baby.
So what? Babies at funerals are perfectly normal and just a part of life and often and great distraction at emotional funerals. Personally I see do reason not to have a baby at a funeral, babbling or no babbling.

Having read most of the thread, I do wonder if rather than suffering from anxiety, you may in fact be on the autistic spectrum. The obsessiveness, the inability to empathise, the fact you cannot see what everyone is telling you.

You sound a bit like my sister who is ASD, although her Covid anxiety is under better control than yours, it is still there and sometimes tips into being extreme.

You couldn't be more unreasonable if you tried.

To add, my sister was only diagnosed in her mid 30s and so much suddenly made sense.

Yabvu

Because she doesn't want to take her baby to the funeral, Silly and that perfectly fine.

I hope nobody you love dies!

Oh you poor DH. Of course he wanted to hug his dad it would be the most natural thing in the world for him. Please try and understand from his point of view, he must be heartbroken. I get your worry but we really have to have some kind of normality and cannot completely put our emotions on hold

@gentlerock I’ll say it again. Please talk to your GP. They will honestly not laugh at you. The thing that made me say talk to your go was the fact you thought you would be better leaving you husband and child. It is reasonable to worry to a degree, I can see the logic in your concerns and wishes re the funeral but what comes across from your posts is the magnification of each risk, the ruminating now over these risks e.g. washing DH’s clothes now or later. I say this as someone who had post natal anxiety triggered off by events surrounding my labour. I became over anxious and fixated on one worry. I’ve had counselling and it helped. The pandemic has probably amplified your worries and with how the message was presented- guidelines etc won’t have helped as a lot of it was doom and gloom. The risks to you and your daughter are very low even with your asthma. Nothing is risk free but honestly there are riskier things that you are probably doing without even thinking about it. Us telling you that won’t cure your anxiety but please use the fact that so many of us are telling you so as a signal that maybe you are over anxious and need help.

Yabu

Also, I can’t see an issue with you not going to the funeral. I wouldn’t want to take a squeaky baby, and childcare is still a headache. Could you go and wait outside/walk.

When my brother died a few weeks ago the funeral home had speakers in the car park so people could pay respects outside and hear the service.

I can sort of empathise with you, gentlerock, I was never frightened of dying until I had my baby and, fortunately, now that she is an adult and able to look after herself, my fear of dying has disappeared again.

I think you were hit by the double-whammy of having your baby and covid.

But you and your baby are fortunately in safe groups. If you were pregnant it would be a different kettle of fish. The number of small babies throughout the world that have died from covid is mercifully tiny and mild asthma does not count as a comorbidity so your youth and being female on your side.

@Missh07

I hope nobody you love dies!

Awful comment. Really awful.

I loved my husbands Grandma. A lot.
She was very dear to me and we were very close.

My husband hugging his dad has nothing at all to do with me not caring about her passing.

It's the worry of Covid with possible transmission from the hug with his father!!

The only thing I agree with the OP about is not taking the baby to the funeral as I have never thought that babies should go.

And as there won't be a wake because of Covid she can't take the baby then.

But OP, I do think you need to start taking small steps to going out (with a mask if that makes you feel better and mild asthma shouldn't stop you wearing one)
Let your family come over and spend time in the garden with them
Then let one of them in the house - at a distance.

Small steps.

[quote Bluebellpainting]@gentlerock I’ll say it again. Please talk to your GP. They will honestly not laugh at you. The thing that made me say talk to your go was the fact you thought you would be better leaving you husband and child. It is reasonable to worry to a degree, I can see the logic in your concerns and wishes re the funeral but what comes across from your posts is the magnification of each risk, the ruminating now over these risks e.g. washing DH’s clothes now or later. I say this as someone who had post natal anxiety triggered off by events surrounding my labour. I became over anxious and fixated on one worry. I’ve had counselling and it helped. The pandemic has probably amplified your worries and with how the message was presented- guidelines etc won’t have helped as a lot of it was doom and gloom. The risks to you and your daughter are very low even with your asthma. Nothing is risk free but honestly there are riskier things that you are probably doing without even thinking about it. Us telling you that won’t cure your anxiety but please use the fact that so many of us are telling you so as a signal that maybe you are over anxious and need help.[/quote]
I said the same thing and the OP picked out something else. I’m very worried for her. Extremely so

OP, I have severe asthma and bronchiectasis & am a single parent.

Given your anxiety you need to focus not on paranoid avoidance strategies, but on taking sensible steps to ensure your lung function is at its best. Use your preventer inhalers every single day (& if you are not required to use preventer inhalers every day, you don’t have a problem anyway because your asthma must be very mild!) Contact the asthma nurse at your practice & talk through your meds to ensure you don’t need a change. Do aerobic exercise every day - jogging is great. Eat healthily - 7 portions fruit & veg, nuts, seeds, water, pulses and beans twice a day if possible. Do breathing exercises morning and evening (look them up on YouTube), Then you’ll know you are in the best possible place in terms of lung health if you do contract Covid. This will enable you to relax & improve your quality of life.

And yes, I think you have been unreasonable; and that you really should go to the funeral, even if you have to walk out because your baby is kicking up a fuss. It’s about respect, kindness, and supporting your DH.

Shitty comments aside has this thread made you feel even the slightest bit reassured @gentlerock?

I understand you're using it to have a vent which is clearly a much better idea than sounding off to your DH but I hope some of the (sensible) replies have helped?

Yabu you have mild asthma theres a 1 in thousand chance of catching covid. His bloody dads mother passed away.

Why don’t you think babies should go to funerals @Nanny0gg? Babies under 6 months old?