To be annoyed DH hugged his dad.

[gentlerock]

We've spent months being careful, we have a 5 month old baby and I'm vulnerable having mild asthma.

Last week DH Gran passed away suddenly.

Today DH called to see his Dad and told me they hugged as they were both really upset.

Now I completely sympathise with this, really I do, but bare in mind DH grandma spent 3 days in hospital before passing.

DH dad was there every day and the hospital announced yesterday there had been an outbreak on one of their wards affecting 4 staff and 3 patients(although it didn't state which ward so we don't know if was the one DH grandma was on)

I suffer with anxiety already and I'm petrified DD could end up ill or be left without parents.

I really do feel so annoyed with him. AIBU?!

Collapse from what

Exhaustion and stress- risk of starting to have full blown panic attacks/ depression - anxiety spirals if not brought under control etc High levels of anxiety lower your immune system significantly so getting this under control will benefit your physical health.

[quote wingingit987]@gentlerock

Thanks pretty shit!
I know people shielding who couldn't get any deliveries and were relying on friends and family who were working throughout.

I thought it was prioritized for those who had to shield not those who chose to shield. [/quote]
It’s not shit at all. Deliveries were there for anyone who wanted them; they don’t have to be shielding or even vulnerable.

Perfectly healthy people were able to order supermarket deliveries throughout lockdown, as they absolutely should have been.

Oh give over OP.

I can’t tell if you are being flippant or are serious. OP if you seriously think that a GP will laugh at you for disclosing that to them that is concerning. I’m not laughing, I’m telling you I am concerned about your MH and why would your GP be different?

@EarringsandLipstick

If this is the case then In all seriousness DD and DH will be better off without me, I don't want to condemn them to a life of misery from me.

Op, you sound so, so self-centered. This is ridiculously self-pitying.

Go & chat to DH. Tell him your worries (without specifically taking about FIL/hugging). And be there for him tonight.

OP, I called you self-centered. I stand by it.

You're still here, going on about how RIGHT you are. You've a grieving DH, he's hardly worth a mention.

You got lots of advice in relation to rite anxiety too.

But despite that you're still here, now saying a GP wouldn't listen to you.

FGS. It's now attention-seeking as well as self-centredness

Okay, now you are being seriously unreasonable. Your anxiety is affecting your life. No GP will laugh at you for that.

If I call the GP and tell them I'm anxious because DH hugged his father, when he shouldn't really have done so (if were following the government guidelines) then they will laugh at me....

It's hard not to feel that you're being disingenuous now. You are trivialising what is happening here, which is that you are having irrational fears of death. This is not uncommon at the moment, but it is a problem, and you need to sort it out. You ring the GP and talk about how scared you are and how much your anxiety is affecting your life.

And seeking therapy and/or medication is a much better and easier solution than "leaving DD with DH" - oh, the drama!

Hahahahaha mild asthma and you think you are vulnerable, you need to check the NHS website.
Those with uncontrolled asthma with hospital stays in the last 6 months are Vulnerable!!

You are being completely unreasonable.

If you're that paranoid why don't you tell DH to have a covid test?

Well, if you're genuine.

You need to get help.

You're seriously suggesting you'd abandon your own child??

Call your GP first thing tomorrow, or look for well-being services in your area...

I totally understand where you’re coming from it’s such a difficult situation and you’ve been so careful. If there’s a time for caution it’s during a pandemic. It sounds like you’ve been in a complete bubble which I think makes things like this even harder. Sending you a big hug. I can understand your worry but the risk is so small and I completely understand your husband hugging his Dad in that situation. Try and take a deep breath and realise that it’s impossible to have complete control of everything in this situation. I’ve struggled with huge anxiety throughout this pandemic and know I would have reacted in the same way as you only a few weeks ago. We’d been in a complete bubble and none of us had stepped foot in a shop or seen anyone other than my parents at two meters. Then my husband who was working from home was told he needed to return to the office a couple of days a week which filled me with terror. However I realised at this point I could no longer control every element of risk and it has helped me a little. I’ve also started CBT too which is helping a little. I guess what I’m saying is I completely understand but try not to worry and give both of you a break. As others have suggested maybe you could stand right at the back of the service with your little one. Sending love and maybe try and access a little support to help you to deal with the pandemic it’s such a hard situation.

YABU but some of the responses on here are awful. Yes it is a risk although a small risk for you and your baby but it is understandable you might be anxious about it. If you aren't generally anxious about other things or don't worry excessively it's possible you have just lost your perspective on this one issue (although it is a big one!).
The chances of your FIL having COVID are minimal, the chances he passed it you your DH even lower and the chances he passed it to you miniscule.
The stuff people are saying about you going the funeral is ridiculous. We are in a pandemic there is no reason for you to go. I'm sure your DH is upset but his family will be there.

@Teenangels

Hahahahaha mild asthma and you think you are vulnerable, you need to check the NHS website. Those with uncontrolled asthma with hospital stays in the last 6 months are Vulnerable!!

You are being completely unreasonable.

Asthma is on the vulnerable list.

Severe asthma is very vulnerable.

So who knows what's the right thing to do.

Everyone. Literally everyone apart from you.

If you genuinely do not know whether, in the event of no vaccine, you will go shopping again, send your child to nursery/school, go inside anyone's house, go to work, go out for a meal, go swimming, etc., ever again, you need help urgently. Really, you do.

This is either a wind up, or your anxiety issue is debilitating in the extreme.

YABVVVU

OP yes I do think you're being very unreasonable but I do think that people could put it more kindly. It's clear that this whole situation has made you deeply anxious and I suspect it's because you had not long given birth when it arose.

As a healthy young woman, even with your asthma, the risk to you is extremely low. The overall fatality rate from covid is now understood to be around 0.65% but please bear in mind that figure includes everyone - the very elderly suffering from multipe underlying condition. So for you, that number will be a great deal lower, you've got literally no increased chance statistically of dying from covid in the near future. Your baby is at extremely minimal risk.

I would honestly urge you to start getting out a bit more and living a bit more normally. Of course there is still a pandemic on so I'm not saying don't take the necessary precautions but honestly these will be to protect the elderly and vulnerable as much as anything.

@gentlerock while I think YABU , I don't really blame you for it.

Given the scaremongering and fear inducing articles in the media,stuff on TV, even the hysteria on here about murderers , it's no wonder you're afraid, particularly if you suffer from anxiety.

I also don't think YABU to not want to go to the funeral, that's an entirely different scenario, and probably not ideal with a little one even without Covid.

The thing is, you need to seek help because this is not going away, you need to find ways to manage and cope. Covid might not even be the worst things that happened to us, so you need to be prepared and not lose your humanity in the sea of fears.

I bet logically you understand exactly why DH did what he did, you probably would do the same if it was your dad or mum in tears, but the fear is numbing that and making it all about the what ifs.

You won't catch Covid from this. Neither will your baby. Things will be fine, sometimes they won't but you can't live your life waiting for the other shoe to drop. Your baby and husband deserve better than that. Hell, you deserve better than that.

You need to have a plan for the funeral, because it's likely hugs will happen again with people being sad and grieving.

@gentlerock

The best thing you can do is get yourself off this vile thread and don’t come back on.

Reading all this judgmental BS is going to make you feel 100 times worse.

I do recommend you speak to your GP or HV as they may be able to reassure you and offer you professional unbiased advice.

Mental health is health so OP should be getting food delivery slots... they aren’t just for those physically vulnerable.

I seriously cannot believe the amount of posts on here berating the OP because of her concerns. She has expressed sympathy and understanding as to why her DH hugged his Dad. The attitude of most posters saying she's unreasonable reflects what I have observed elsewhere - most people seem to think that we are back to normal when we are still living with a pandemic. In my opinion, she is totally right, she has health issues and a young child but, even if she didn't, I would still think that.

Some of the responses here are awful.
The risks to you are probably quite low but if everyone just starts doing as they did before then the risks won’t be low. They’re only this low because many of us are being especially careful.

Op, you were fine to get deliveries. There were priority slots available and the rest of us had to just get whatever was left over. It was allowed. I have had deliveries all the time too. I had them prior to all this as our local supermarket doesn’t have much choice so I just continued except I had to wait a lot longer between available slots.

I think you might need to get your head round that they’ll all hug at the funeral as well.

You do really need to get a grip on your anxiety OP.

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

With mild asthma you aren't even vulnerable.

Yabvu.

I wondered about this so looked it up on the NHS website - it's classed as "moderate risk" afaict:

People at moderate risk (clinically vulnerable)

People at moderate risk from coronavirus include people who:

are 70 or older
have a lung condition that's not severe (such as asthma, COPD, emphysema or bronchitis)

www.nhs.uk/conditions/coronavirus-covid-19/people-at-higher-risk/whos-at-higher-risk-from-coronavirus/

I don’t think people are as bothered by babies crying at funerals as they are about them crying at weddings. You are using your baby as an excuse not to attend. Take her out of the equation:

1. Did you know and love/respect the deceased?

That is the only reason to go. If you did, you should go, baby and all, nobody will care. If you didn’t, don’t, but own the reason and don’t use the baby as an excuse.

This is surely one of those made up threads, where the OP is just here to wind up posters? This cannot be real.

Like I’ve said

If you were a single mother. You could allow another family to your bubble.

So you’d be able to hug a friend.