Page 12 | To be annoyed DH hugged his dad.

gentlerock · 2020-07-29T17:13:56+00:00

We've spent months being careful, we have a 5 month old baby and I'm vulnerable having mild asthma. Last week DH Gran passed away suddenly. Today DH called to see his Dad and told me they hugged as they were both really upset. Now I completely sympathise with this, really I do, but bare in mind DH grandma spent 3 days in hospital before passing. DH dad was there every day and the hospital announced yesterday there had been an outbreak on one of their wards affecting 4 staff and 3 patients(although it didn't state which ward so we don't know if was the one DH grandma was on) I suffer with anxiety already and I'm petrified DD could end up ill or be left without parents. I really do feel so annoyed with him. AIBU?!

ReturnofSaturn · 29/07/2020 20:32

Yes YABU OP.

How long do you plan on living this life of fear? Forever?

That would be seriously unfair and horrible for your family.

Original poster

gentlerock · 29/07/2020 20:32

@00100001

of course there's not a 0% chance...but you could have caught it from ANYWHERE.

Unless none of you have ever left the house until these past 3 days and have been quarantining all things coming into the house and disinfecting them where possible, whist wearing PPE and ensuring no contamination of anything.

But if youhaven't done that, then you might have caught it 9 days ago from the tin of baked beans you bought, or the person passing you in the street....

We wash shopping and mail. We don't go to the supermarket. We have no one in the house and we have outdoor meet ups.

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EarringsandLipstick · 29/07/2020 20:33

If this is the case then In all seriousness DD and DH will be better off without me, I don't want to condemn them to a life of misery from me.

Op, you sound so, so self-centered. This is ridiculously self-pitying.

Go & chat to DH. Tell him your worries (without specifically taking about FIL/hugging). And be there for him tonight.

wingingit987 · 29/07/2020 20:33

How are you getting food if your not leaving the house even to go shopping at a supermarket.

I thought online shopping was for those shielding whose risk was really high?

I might be wrong, but I assumed that would make sense.

bridgetreilly · 29/07/2020 20:34

If it were your father in that situation, I bet you you would hug him too. I am usually not on this side of the argument, but when someone is grieving, it's just such a difficult situation. They are both grieving. There has to be some leniency.

No. A LOT of grieving people were in this situation earlier in lockdown and had to cope without the comfort of physical contact. It's hard, but it's possible.

And OP, you're right, there hasn't been a restriction on contact other than the bubbles for single-adult households. So that's why I agree, you're reasonable to be a bit annoyed.

But for the rest, no, your response to his actions are disproportionate and as you've said, you need to start doing something to address your anxiety issues.

Original poster

gentlerock · 29/07/2020 20:35

@wingingit987

How are you getting food if your not leaving the house even to go shopping at a supermarket.

I thought online shopping was for those shielding whose risk was really high?

I might be wrong, but I assumed that would make sense.

Anyone can have deliveries. We've had them throughout.

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bridgetreilly · 29/07/2020 20:35

And to be clear, when I said "you need to start doing something to address your anxiety issues", I mean, "make a GP appointment".

Bluebellpainting · 29/07/2020 20:36

OP please see your GP. You need to seek some help and support for your anxiety. If you feel that your husband and daughter would be better off without you then your anxiety is out of control. Please see your GP.

Remmy123 · 29/07/2020 20:36

Having mild asthma does not make you vulnerable.

Your poor DH.

You need to get a grip.

heartsonacake · 29/07/2020 20:37

YABVU. So unreasonable.

You have mild asthma; so do lots of people. You’re not vulnerable. You’re being absolutely hysterical and yes you do need treatment for your anxiety before you pass it on to your daughter, because the way you are right now, she can pick up on how you’re feeling.

Original poster

gentlerock · 29/07/2020 20:38

@Bluebellpainting

OP please see your GP. You need to seek some help and support for your anxiety. If you feel that your husband and daughter would be better off without you then your anxiety is out of control. Please see your GP.

No as another poster has said, I'm self centred.🙄

If I call the GP and tell them I'm anxious because DH hugged his father, when he shouldn't really have done so (if were following the government guidelines) then they will laugh at me....

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AccidentallyRunToWindsor · 29/07/2020 20:38

Mild asthma? YABU

wingingit987 · 29/07/2020 20:38

@gentlerock

Thanks pretty shit!
I know people shielding who couldn't get any deliveries and were relying on friends and family who were working throughout.

I thought it was prioritized for those who had to shield not those who chose to shield.

00100001 · 29/07/2020 20:39

Oh so you meet people... could have caught it from any one of those people.

we're just trying to say, that there;s a risk, yes, but it's minimal... you might chocke on your carefully washed apples and die....

are you suggesting, that in the event of no vaccine, genuinely that you will never ever ever ever go shopping again, send little one to nursery/school, go inside anyone's house, go to work, go out for a meal, go swimming, go for a walk... EVER AGAIN?

Kittykat93 · 29/07/2020 20:39

You're being hysterical and very unreasonable. Get help for your anxiety

Russellbrandshair · 29/07/2020 20:40

YABVU. So unreasonable

You have mild asthma; so do lots of people. You’re not vulnerable. You’re being absolutely hysterical and yes you do need treatment for your anxiety before you pass it on to your daughter, because the way you are right now, she can pick up on how you’re feeling

I’m a therapist and I wholeheartedly agree with this 💯.

See your GP. This level of anxiety isn’t “normal” and it’s not healthy. If you carry on like this you will eventually collapse as this level of anxiety is not sustainable long term without it affecting your physical health.

Original poster

gentlerock · 29/07/2020 20:40

[quote wingingit987]@gentlerock

Thanks pretty shit!
I know people shielding who couldn't get any deliveries and were relying on friends and family who were working throughout.

I thought it was prioritized for those who had to shield not those who chose to shield. [/quote]
Okay well you might want to take that up with Asda.

We had deliveries before lock down. We've had them for years. We just continued with our monthly delivery pass.

I guess people will jump on this now and tell me how utterly disgusting I have been for having my shopping delivered.

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Bitchinkitchen · 29/07/2020 20:40

@gentlerock call your GP and tell them you're suffering from irrationsl uncontrollable anxiety, ask for a prescription and a referral to CBT.

Your entire reaction to this situation has been completely disproportionate.

Original poster

gentlerock · 29/07/2020 20:41

@Russellbrandshair

YABVU. So unreasonable

You have mild asthma; so do lots of people. You’re not vulnerable. You’re being absolutely hysterical and yes you do need treatment for your anxiety before you pass it on to your daughter, because the way you are right now, she can pick up on how you’re feeling

I’m a therapist and I wholeheartedly agree with this 💯.

See your GP. This level of anxiety isn’t “normal” and it’s not healthy. If you carry on like this you will eventually collapse as this level of anxiety is not sustainable long term without it affecting your physical health.

Collapse from what? 😕

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SchrodingersImmigrant · 29/07/2020 20:41

No. A LOT of grieving people were in this situation earlier in lockdown and had to cope without the comfort of physical contact. It's hard, but it's possible.

Well yes, but we are not at the beginning of lockdown. I judge the situation on now, not on 4 months ago.

Ravenesque · 29/07/2020 20:41

I have asthma and don't see myself as particularly vulnerable. Careful, yes, same as each flu season, but overly vulnerable? No. We certainly weren't among the groups being told that we had to go into serious isolation earlier this year. In short, you are being VU and need to get help with your anxiety.

itsaratrap · 29/07/2020 20:41

I do understand your concern but the balance of probability is that there’s nothing to worry about.
Can your husband/his dad be tested? Would put minds at rest.

NK346f2849X127d8bca260 · 29/07/2020 20:42

My adult daughter has asthma and i wouldn't class it as mild, she has continued working as a care assistant in a nursing home all through lockdown.

Nixen · 29/07/2020 20:42

You’re being ridiculous

Original poster

gentlerock · 29/07/2020 20:43

@00100001

Oh so you meet people... could have caught it from any one of those people.

we're just trying to say, that there;s a risk, yes, but it's minimal... you might chocke on your carefully washed apples and die....

are you suggesting, that in the event of no vaccine, genuinely that you will never ever ever ever go shopping again, send little one to nursery/school, go inside anyone's house, go to work, go out for a meal, go swimming, go for a walk... EVER AGAIN?

I honestly genuinely don't know. Which is why I said I would seriously consider leaving DD with DH.

But that's self centred. So who knows what's the right thing to do.

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