AIBU to leave 8 & 10 year alone to go out to dinner?

[BereftOfInk]

DH has suggested we go out to dinner together and leave the DC home alone. His parents often did this once he turned 10. I don't know if I'm being over protective as I was never left alone as a child. We live in a block of flats and would let our direct neighbours know they were alone, DC know them and could go and knock if they needed help for any reason. They offered to do this a while ago, but we thought the DC were too young so didn't. Neighbour suggested it as it's what her parents did when she was young (she wouldn't want to sit in our flat with them).

Get them ready for bed, stick a film on and let them go to bed when tired/fall asleep on the sofa. Acceptable or not?

I think its too young. Mind you I'm on the other end of the scale and had to be talked into leaving 16year old and 14 year old whilst we went out for tea, which is quite frankly ridiculous on my part.

She's going to do it anyway....

My OH used to catch a bus to school when he was 5 all on his own. I used to walk to school by myself from the same age.
This was in the U.K. but a very long time ago. (We are ancient)

"cycling from age 5/6 alone is the done thing."

Cycling alone at 5/6?

Maybe depends where in Germany you are?

I didn't think kids were supposed to cycle alone until they'd done their cycling proficiency?

No, well - in reality it probably does, however it is definitely not advised and not the norm. DBS checks are standard for anyone being near children or vulnerable people and I'd say a huge majority of people wouldn't hire anyone without it and a verifiable background in childcare to watch their children where money will change hands

For those who don't believe the OP, here's an interesting article on German parenting and the importance of "selbstandigkeit" (independence/self-sufficiency) in German child-rearing:

The very different way that Germans raise confident kids

Defs too young!!

@StatementKnickers I will buy that book! Thanks for the link. When I moved to Germany, what struck me first was the way parents crossed the road with children. Instead of saying, like we did in London, “wait, wait, ok, over we go”; they would ask the children “is it safe to cross now? What about now?” So even very small children (just walking) would begin learning to manage that risk. Fascinating for me, and such a simple thing that I’d never thought of.

Germany has the highest rate of child suicide in Europe. Second highest in the world. Just saying

Hey so another Brit in S Germany here - and yes we have left our 8 and 10 year old DSs to go out to dinner (although not often!).
When we moved here they were 6 and 8 and yes they do walk to school and back without parents from age 5. they're 10 and 12 now and occasionally get left alone or with each other for up to half a day.
The eldest frequently cycles to the nearest town (45 minutes away) for an Eis and back again alone. No mobile phone, and he's only had to walk back limping once after coming off on some gravel!

So yes I would (have done).

Citation?

Sorry, that was @mosquitofeast. Citation please? I just had a quick look and can’t find evidence of that.

@mosquitofeast

Germany has the highest rate of child suicide in Europe. Second highest in the world. Just saying

I'd love to know your source for this?

Very little came up on a google search (as 'child suicide' thankfully is rare) but this article indicates Germany ranks 19th out of 29 countries?

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5912485/

Crikey, I often roll my eyes at people on here saying they won’t even leave 15 year olds alone, but no way would I leave a 10 and 8 year old. I have never heard such nonsense, they’re still at primary school.

@diddl

"cycling from age 5/6 alone is the done thing."

Cycling alone at 5/6?

Maybe depends where in Germany you are?

I didn't think kids were supposed to cycle alone until they'd done their cycling proficiency?

They're not, not really - we were advised when ds2 was in y3 that this shouldn't really be happening, but we went on letting him anyway (he had started in the summer term of that year, very simple 5 min route in rural town) as we knew he was a competent cyclist, and nobody objected. Wouldn't have let them at 6, although we have neighbours who did.

I first left older two alone for 45 min when they were 10 and nearly 8 (eldest was first alone for half an hr from 9), but tbh my Brit ensibilities wouldn't have let me be happy with leaving them to go to dinner, at that age.

I'd be interested in @mosquitofeast data source too as this Unicef report doesn't seem to bear that out (based on WHO data in 2016)

www.unicef-irc.org/publications/pdf/RC14_eng.pdf

And regardless of where in global rankings Germany sits.. ending a post referencing child suicide with "Just saying" is downright callous.

@myrtleWilson

And regardless of where in global rankings Germany sits.. ending a post referencing child suicide with "Just saying" is downright callous.

Absolutely agree @myrtleWilson

This is so sad. You don’t seem to understand your children’s needs or capacities, or even care very much. Bleak.

I appreciate you didn't state where you were living initially but there would have been a reasonable assumption by many that it was UK. Germany is a very different kettle of fish, having lived there myself I know kids walk to and from school at 6 but still wouldn't know if leaving children at that age was legal or the norm. In Japan kids walk to school and are left in the evenings at that age. I wouldn't do it but I think the context of the Country is important.

I don't think I would, it seems young for a whole night, I personally won't leave my 13 year old to watch my 9 year old as I am unsure if he is old enough for such responsibility.

I do have to qualify the German walking-to-school-from-5 thing. Relatively few children are actually in school at 5 (a few states start children at 5 and a half, but a lot of parents tend to prefer their children to have a longer time at kindergarten as there's a cultural association with school being when 'serious life' starts). In terms of walking on their own when they start school, a lot of parents these days go with them for the first term or half term (IME). It isn't seen as unusual or neglectful for a child to go alone from day 1, though, and there are always signs/posters/banners up in towns at the start of the autumn term reminding drivers to be careful because of the new school starters.

Don't know about anyone else but my dc bicker constantly...I popped to the loo earlier and all hell broke loose...God knows what would happen if I actually left the house

I used to babysit a toddler all day in the school holidays when I was 11. Nobody died.

God no. DHs parents did loads of irresponsible shit when he was a kid. Fortunately he recognises the danger they were in but his parents think it was all fine because they survived but not everyone who left their 8yr olds home alone can say the same.
Too dangerous and irresponsible, I wouldn't even consider it. Nor would I consider a 5 year old walking home from school alone!