To not want to change my plans?

[DearTeddyRobinson]

Ugh I'm annoyed and ranting so apologies for any incoherence.
I've been really really busy and stressed at work, and my usual stress relief (running) is off the table due to tendinitis.
2 kids 4 & 7, DH and I both wfh full time since lockdown began. We have a nanny for 3 full days and 2 half days a week - this is great but equally we only budget for full time childcare outside of term time so it's costing us more than usual.
For some reason I end up doing all the meal planning and shopping and cooking as well. I work 9-5 and sometimes longer.
So - basically I'm knackered and stressed like a lot of people.
I managed to take this Friday off work to veg out while the nanny has the kids.
DH then decides to take the day off too. Ok.
Then he decides to cancel the nanny so 'we can have a nice family day' , without telling me. When i find out I immediately reverse this decision and reiterate the last bloody thing I want is more time with the kids. Fine, he apologises.
Then I wake up this morning to an email - he has booked lunch in central London for 12 noon on Friday. Surprise!!
Now the weather forecast is for 33 degrees. I want to spend the day pottering in the garden and snoozing, not hauling my sweaty carcass into Mayfair.
I tried to nicely say that I wish he had consulted me before making another unilateral decision that changes my entire day. Well that went down like a sack of shit, I apparently should have told him my plans so that he would have known not to make plans on my behalf??! I'm unpleasant, crap at communicating, and the last thing he now wants is to have a nice lunch with me.
I'm fucking raging. My day was changed, without my knowing, TWICE, and now I'm the bad guy??
I just want a fucking day to myself and he claims I never said that, I should have clarified etc etc.
My point is, why the fuck can't I plan NOTHING without him assuming I want him to fill it with his half arsed plans??
So - assuming you're still awake, tell me Mumsnet am I an ungrateful cow or is my DH an interfering pain??

I find a total delegation of tasks to be the best way to deal with the frustration. When lock down started i told DH he is in charge of the main bathroom and I will do the downstairs loo/utility room. I don't clean the main bathroom (well I did it once when he was off visiting ill rellies and had a 5 hour round trip in a day). I will do all food if he does all washing up. He is primarily in charge of laundry and bedding changing.

This decreases my rage levels significantly. every now and then I pass over a new task. Dentists for the kids. No my problem. UK passports, his responsibility (I do our other nationality). Pocket money (thinking ahead here they kids are only 7 and 4 but jokes on him when they reach the teenage years!)

Make a list and think about the task you don't like and want rid off. Then just give them to him forever. Don't get me wrong i am still in charge of about 70% of family admin but it does help a lot!

Can I offer the view that this is one of those situations when neither of you are being unreasonable. You are not unreasonable to want a day to yourself. He is not unreasonable to want to treat you. You would both be unreasonable if you were to fall out over this.

@TheMaddHugger I've seen that before. It's hilarious. And in DH's defence, he has seen it and laughed his head off too. We don't have these arguments any more. He's an intelligent, caring man and once he worked out that actually there was all this other stuff happening magically, it stopped and he more than pulls his weight. During lockdown, he wasn't working at all (usually some freelance, the rest kid stuff) I have done the cooking and shopping, and probably more than half of the post dinner tidying up, but he's done the vast bulk of everything else.

We laughed the other day because one thing he always forgets to do is add things to the shopping list drives me mad. So if it's something I use often, I won't buy it because I'm oblivious to the fact that we're out. On Monday I used the last washing machine tab. While I was annoyed it hadn't been on my shopping list for the weekend, it demonstrated that this was clearly the first load of washing I have done in weeks as I'd have put it on the list when the bag was about half full.

Something I don't use often. Obviously. doh.

@BlingLoving 😁😁🌻