David Beckham and mental health.....am I missing something?

[maudavery]

This is what DB in convo with Prince William has said about talking about one's feelings:

I made a mistake in '98 [getting sent off against Argentina in the 1998 World Cup] and the reaction at the time was pretty brutal.
"If social media was around when I was going through that time, it would have been a whole different story. But I was lucky, I had a support system within Manchester United, the manager, and obviously family.
"But did I feel it was okay at the time to go to someone and say I need help? No, because it was a different era, and I just felt that I had to keep it all in and deal with it myself.

So he cocked up, took flak for it and then "had to deal with it himself", although he acknowledges he had a lot of support. Is this so bad? Isn't this just taking responsibility? Isn't there a lot to be said for this kind of stoicism? Whereas now everything pathologised and we need therapy for everything.

I take his point about social media and agree it can be poisonous especially for younger people but I don't really think his point about having to deal with things himself is so terrible.

I suppose I feel it is getting worse amongst particular groups. I know CAHMS are overwhelmed and things like self harm amongst adolescent girls is v high.

OP - remember the good old days of better mental health you hark back to? There were huge asylums for the mentally ill, charmingly called 'loony bins' at the time. These were all closed down throughout the 1980s and early 90s under a cost saving model called 'care in the comminuty' - which often meant a lack of care in the community.

Poor mental health is more visible these days because we are less inclined to stigmatise it and lock people away. This is a good thing.

I'm not harking back that far.....only to 1998! A lot has changed since then!

I suppose I feel it is getting worse amongst particular groups. I know CAHMS are overwhelmed and things like self harm amongst adolescent girls is v high.

Kids would have been laughed at when I was at school and been called names if they had admitted to having mental health issues. Yet I’d say half of my friends at school were struggling and would have benefitted from getting help. Things are changing for the better in terms people talking about their struggles. The NHS need more money to cope though.

I'm not harking back that far.....only to 1998! A lot has changed since then!

I was doing A levels at sixth form in 1998, like I said in my last post, half my friends had mental health problems that only close friends knew about. It was no different, people just didn’t feel they could talk about it. Being stoic didn’t mean they just dealt with it and they’re ok, in fact the friends I’m still in touch with who had mental health issues back then, still suffer with them.

@maudavery

I'm not harking back that far.....only to 1998! A lot has changed since then!

But don't you think the impact of such a large scale social change, moving people with a range of mental health issues out of residential institutions to an assumption of home based support, would take many years to work through and manifest in society?

Remember, those soldiers who couldn't keep a still upper lip were shot or locked away. People used to be routinely kept on locked wards. Things have changed, a lot. It creates new challenges, but ignoring mental illness in the hope people will toughen up it is never the answer.

The higher up you go, the further the fall. I imagine waking up aged 23, dropped from being a hero, to the villain of the country, might have been a little bit stressful at least. Had he lost his career? Had he lost his friends/colleagues? Had he lost the respect of his partner? You know - that sort of stuff - that must have been hard.

But, he mentioned something critical, he had the support of his manager and his team mates and his family.

Not all of us have that sort of support to tide us over.

The point of him speaking out about it is to say, hey, you might think I'm Mr. Golden Balls, but, actually, I have struggled. If someone like me can struggle, it's ok for you to say that you're struggling.

CAHMS is incredibly underfunded and due to stigma through time and changes to diagnostic criteria, it's not really possible to make an accurate comparison through time.

Self-harm and other self-destructive have always been around though, the kids were (and in many places still are) more likely to get pushed out of mainstream schooling and swept out of sight. My younger sister (in the US around the time you're harking back to) was put into a special computer-based school because of her addiction and it's related behaviour rather than get mental health care. That was standard in one of the nicest school districts in the area. My care came when we were in a different school district and it was never labelled as for mental health care. That's what we got but we were the kids with records of disruptive behaviour who were getting 'additional coping skills'. Basically the school counselor was trying to help us, but most of the teachers saw it as a way to get the disruptive idiots out of class - and I had a teacher say that to my face once.

And yes, as pp said, it he didn't handle it by himself but with care from his team and family. A lot of kids don't have that kind of support for mental health issues. It could certainly be better, but I find the idea it's automatically cosseting if we let kids discuss their pain as foolish as telling kids they shouldn't discuss their happiness.

To the pp whose son is currently suffering badly, is there any way that you could afford private therapy for him? I don't know whether you can get PIP for children, but it's a payment for people with illness. Have you tried applying for that, as that could pay for the therapy if you're struggling financially. If you want any info about what to write on the application form for PIP, shout and I'll help any way I can.

My MH problems started when I was a young teen in the late 90s. I wonder if I had been able to talk and seek help at that point then maybe I would not have struggled so much years later.

I know now that several of my friends also suffered with MH problems at a similar time, during their teenage years. Many of them sadly went on to suffer more, but thankfully were able to seek support as an adult.

If only I had been more stoic, that would have stopped me developing poor mental health

Do those stupid people realise that every single person including them could develop a mental health problem? People saying “oh just be stoic” are the problem as their attitude stops people speaking out and getting appropriate help.

@DayB1Day As far as I know it's not means tested.

www.independentage.org/get-advice/money/benefits/personal-independence-payment-and-disability-living-allowance

*How do I claim?
You can no longer make a claim for DLA. If you’re claiming for the first time, apply for PIP.

Call the DWP on 0800 917 2222. They’ll ask you for some basic details, then send you an application form. You can’t apply online.*

Ok well thank you for all of the input here. I'm sorry if I haven't come across well, just it is a question which troubles me and I'm the Beckham comment made me think of it again.

I wonder if a more positive and productive conversation to be having would be what to do to build positive mental health, in a preventative way rather than reactive way. Someone mentioned Kate Middleton for example seeming v strong mentally- where does that strength come from? I think I myself am pretty strong mentally and I attribute this to my parents and the way they brought me up, but for those people who aren't as fortunate, where can they get this from? Or can't they? To suggest it's impossible and you can never recover from MH problems as has been suggested here seems defeatist.

@DayB1Day

Send me a pm about his daily struggles again (or just whatever you posted on this thread) and I'll tell you what to emphasise. That's if the DWP say you're eligible.

No worries DayB1Day. I've seen really useful information on here by other posters about PIP (some who are assessors) so if you do an advanced search under PIP it might bring up old threads. I hope he's eligible and that you can get private help for him.

When you do get the form (hopefully eligible), start a thread asking for help filling it in. It's a really long form so will take a few days to fill in, and make sure to take time filling it in, come back to it a day later as you might have thought of something else to mention. How old is he? Perhaps someone can clarify whether it's available to children (I'm nearly sure it is).

Do those stupid people realise that every single person including them could develop a mental health problem?

Seemingly not. My own mother had this attitude, she talked about resilience and pulling yourself together and thinking positively. 🙄 Like that would solve it. The OP sounds like they have no real knowledge or experience of mental health or if they do, they have a total lack of empathy.

People saying “oh just be stoic” are the problem as their attitude stops people speaking out and getting appropriate help.

Exactly.

It concerns me as I care deeply about young people and their MH

Like fuck you do.