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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To ask why my colleague has been off sick for weeks and is on the beach?

413 replies

waitandseee · 27/07/2020 19:43

My colleague has had nearly a month off sick leave, yet on facebook, there are photos of her on the beach, and on days out at cafe's. She is paddling in the sea, looking happy and very healthy. Am I being unreasonable to ask why this being allowed by management?

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  • * Edited by MNHQ ** Hi all, and thanks to all those who have replied so far. It looks like the OP has left the site and won't be back to update the thread. We'll let the thread run as it's an interesting discussion. ===========================
OP posts:
Doggybiccys · 27/07/2020 20:29

@waitandseee - whilst I agree that no one knows why she’s off, could be mental health etc, I’m with you. It looks really bad and is bound to piss off colleagues who are no doubt covering for them. She sounds a CF- don’t post on social media FFS.

AnneElliott · 27/07/2020 20:31

Only on MN would all the excuses come out. Just like there's no naughty children or horrible adults - they all have some hidden SN.

Colleague is stupid to post on FB - even at the very liberal civil service job I'm in, there would be eyebrows raised at that.

And unless you've worked with CF uou can't possibly imagine just what lengths they'll go to to get time off.

CaptainMyCaptain · 27/07/2020 20:32

[quote Itisbetter]@CaptainMyCaptain I assume OP wouldn’t have an issue if she felt the job required significantly more effort than day tripping to the beach? If I had the energy to go to beach I could do several hours working from home. I honestly don’t think that’s that unusual.[/quote]
I can't think of any jobs less strenuous than lying on a beach.

PaperMonster · 27/07/2020 20:32

I was once off for about six months having had a major op. I blocked most of my colleagues from seeing my pics as I did get out and about after the initial two weeks of being drugged up to my eyeballs and lying in bed. But I knew there’d be somebody not happy about the fact I was managing to go on days out and would have a pop at me. You’re being totally unreasonable.

Alloverthegrapevine · 27/07/2020 20:34

My sister was signed of with stress while her 7yo had chemotherapy. There's no way she could have held it together to work but on his good days they did try to make the most of the time they had. If her colleagues judged, I expect they felt pretty bad when they found out the truth.

mineofuselessinformation · 27/07/2020 20:34

Anyone else wondering where OP's gone? Hmm

Itisbetter · 27/07/2020 20:35

@CaptainMyCaptain God I can! I went to the beach yesterday with the kids. Utterly exhausting.

LaurieFairyCake · 27/07/2020 20:38

I think every few months some government think tank post this same thing on here to see if public opinion changes

In good times people say "cut them some slack/have some sympathy could be stress or mental health issues"

In bad times it's all "I'M working hard why shouldn't they?!?/no one cuts me slack/don't you realise that jobs are hard to come by"

Hmm
ChristmasCarcass · 27/07/2020 20:38

Wow, you are going to feel like such a bitch when you find out she's got cancer aren't you OP?

strawberrypip · 27/07/2020 20:40

not that I'd post it on Facebook but I too suffered a late miscarriage and had been bleeding lots on and off before it actually happened. I also had to have surgery after as it wasnt completed. I had been in and out of hospital for weeks. only my manager knew - it was my birthday a week later and I went away to a spa hotel on the beach and on holiday for a long weekend the week after that.

that would of probably looked dodgy as to work colleagues too if I was tagged on social media in these places but things arent always what they seem. and, actually, if anyone had questioned me during that time I really would of bitten their head off.

we never know what someone else is going through. keep out of it.

britINscotland · 27/07/2020 20:41

My manager stalked me on social media and went to HR questioning if I was really sick. His job title is "diversity and inclusion manager".

The only decent thing HR did in a very long grievance process was tell him to stop snooping. He didn't get disciplined for it (or for anything else hence me going to a tribunal)

I had a holiday too, joined a gym, did some online learning, went to the shops (shock!). Doesn't mean I was faking my suicide attempt though!

MYOB

ilovesooty · 27/07/2020 20:42

@FlamedToACrisp

Gobsmacked to see how many PC people assume your colleague is sick with some random illness that means they're totally fine apart from being unable to work.

I think it's perfectly understandable that anyone's first reaction is to think, "If you're well enough to go to the beach, you're well enough to come back to work!"

What has "PC" to do with it?

To the OP : her activities are her manager's business but nothing to do with you. Perhaps she is unwise to leave her social media open to speculation judging by your reaction.

MrsKin90 · 27/07/2020 20:44

I can understand being unhappy in this situation and I would mention it to my manager if it were me but not make any judgements about it. It'll be up to your manager to decide if it's a piss take or reasonable depending on why they're off. I've had a colleague off with stress who went on a two week 'relaxation' holiday and nothing could be done. Did it make me want to quit? Yes. Yes it did. Think you have to shrug it off to be honest.

I've been on "sick leave" for "stress" for four weeks plus the next two because presumably the actual reason I'm off is too flipping long to write on a sicknote. I spoke to my manager for over an hour on the phone today and she encouraged me to go out and find time for myself and do fun things, I don't put these 'fun' things on social media for this very reason.
Regardless of how much it irks you, there's not much in your power to do either way I'm afraid.

MorningManiacMusic · 27/07/2020 20:46

Well aren't there some peaches on this thread.
Those chips on your shoulders are going to have you all on long term sick with backache if you're not careful.
Dp had an operation last week and us signed off until he gets the all clear from the hospital. He went to the beach today because a) it's 50 metres from the house b) it's boiling c) he's getting on my wick D) he can.

Smallsteps88 · 27/07/2020 20:46

If I was having to pick up this woman's work whilst she was off sick and I saw she was at the beach having a great time, I wouldn't be that impressed either.

You wouldn’t be impressed with your employer you mean? For not replacing a staff member on long term sick leave. Because that’s what they’re supposed to do. And if they’re not supposed to do it it means you were over staffed with her there and so your workload now is as it should be.

Moondust001 · 27/07/2020 20:46

Her doctor said she wasn't fit for work. She was given a fit note saying that and explaining why. That fit note was given to her manager who, if they disbelieve the diagnosis or the doctor's opinion, can question that. Much as they'd be rather foolish to question a doctor. So unless you are the manager, know what that fit note says, and have a valid recourse for your questions, butt out. It's none of your business, and it definitely isn't your role to call your colleague a liar. It's bloody amazing how many people here think that they have the right to judge whether someone they don't even know is actually sick. One can only hope that next time they are off sick they have a supportive colleague like you....

Hopeisnotastrategy · 27/07/2020 20:47

At the very least she is extremely ill advised to be posting stuff like that all over social media. In the absence of more information you are only human.

JacktomyDaniel · 27/07/2020 20:49

She could have had hideous news about a life limiting or terminal illness, she could have mental illness that requires being away from work, maybe she has lost a baby and is taking some time to come to terms with it.
If you don't know then you aren't close enough to her to question it. Don't be that person. Blowing out someone else's candle doesn't make yours burn any brighter.

FudgeBrownie2019 · 27/07/2020 20:50

I agree with PPs that posting all over SM in that way is bound to cause a few ruffled feathers, but questioning why someone is off and if it's necessary isn't fair at all. You have no idea, and I tend to err on the side of caution with things like this - people who look happy and well can easily be hiding huge issues.

ddl1 · 27/07/2020 20:50

YABU. Not all illnesses make you look ill. If she claimed to be off with Covid or otherwise self-isolating, then yes, she shouldn't be at the beach; but it doesn't sound like that is the case. It may be mental health; it could be cancer (unless she is currently on chemo, she wouldn't necessarily look ill) or heart disease or any of several quite serious ailments; it could be that she is convalescing from something and the doctor has actually recommended fresh air. It could of course be that she's taking the piss, but in that case, management will have just as much access to social media as you, and will be able to deal with the problem without your getting involved. It's not usually that easy for people to get sick leave for an extended period of time, as opposed to a day or two.

LST · 27/07/2020 20:54

I had my hip replaced and went away to Wales with my family while off sick. I was doing no more on holiday than I was at home and even managed to get to the beach twice. I didn't plaster it all over social media though

viques · 27/07/2020 20:54

Either your colleague is extremely thick, extremely naive, or is extremely ill. Could be be any of them or all of them. We don't know and can't tell.

What we can deduce though is that you are spiteful, resentful and not a very supportive or trustworthy friend/colleague.

Letsnotusemyname · 27/07/2020 20:56

When my wife was on chemo she had 1 ok ish week out of 3.

We went out, avoiding others, in that good week.

If we had been on facebook then I’m sure we’d have posted photos.

The would have looked good. The other weeks she felt shit and looked it.

AuditAngel · 27/07/2020 20:57

When my friend (who was also a colleague) was off with depression, my son was starting school with 3 weeks of half days. My friend picked him up one afternoon a week for those 3 weeks.

Our boss said a few hours with my son was not like trying to deal with clients, and her helping me meant he wasn’t losing me as well. He was happy she was doing something

Doolaleetap · 27/07/2020 20:57

My husband was off sick last year for 5 months with anxiety and depression. We literally never went ANYWHERE all summer (even though he was advised to) because he was scared that his workmates would jump to exactly this conclusion. It is precisely none of your business.