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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To ask why my colleague has been off sick for weeks and is on the beach?

413 replies

waitandseee · 27/07/2020 19:43

My colleague has had nearly a month off sick leave, yet on facebook, there are photos of her on the beach, and on days out at cafe's. She is paddling in the sea, looking happy and very healthy. Am I being unreasonable to ask why this being allowed by management?

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  • * Edited by MNHQ ** Hi all, and thanks to all those who have replied so far. It looks like the OP has left the site and won't be back to update the thread. We'll let the thread run as it's an interesting discussion. ===========================
OP posts:
supersonicginandtonic · 27/07/2020 21:26

Also, if u was seriously ill I'd be living every day to the fullest. I wouldn't stay at home and wallow in self pity.

Livelovebehappy · 27/07/2020 21:27

Presumably management will also have spotted her on social media, and they will obviously know why she’s off, so I would imagine if she is skiving they will rightly sort it out. It’s not in their interests to be allowing staff to be off work on full pay if they’re not ill.

Isthisfinallyit · 27/07/2020 21:28

I used to work in occupational health (although not UK). There are loads of reasons why someone could be unfit to work, but it might be in their best interests to relax on the beach with family. Mental health, recovering from treatment for severe ilnesses et cetera. People who are off sick should do their best to get healthy again so they can return to work quicker. Lying in bed is not always the best remedy for that. Sometimes lying on the beach lowers stress, blood pressure, takes the mind off of their mental struggles, gives them a vitamin d boost, strengens their marriage or family ties resulting in better mental support et cetera.

It is not your business. I was called once by a snitch who said that her colleague was off sick but was hiking with his partner somewhere nice. What she didn't know- and we didn't tell her- is that one day they were home and were robbed, beaten and raped (both of them) by 5 men in front of each other. He was off sick for severe PTSD and depression caused by this event. Having a nice walk with his wife was them trying to relax together again in the midst of their therapies. Would you really begrudge someone a nice walk after that?

steff13 · 27/07/2020 21:28

You would be unreasonable to ask management why it's "being allowed." If I were your manager and you asked me, you'd be told in no uncertain terms that it's not your business.

Midsommar · 27/07/2020 21:30

To be fair OP, this would piss me off too...

Wheresthebiffer2 · 27/07/2020 21:30

If it were me, off sick, I'd be cautious about what I posted on social media, for this very reason - that some folk will judge.

ilovesooty · 27/07/2020 21:32

@CantSayJack

YANBU She’s tekkin fookin piss! The posters saying “nunya bizniss” are the type who would grass up their colleagues/neighbours first but yet take moral high ground on MN 😂😂🤣🤣

Anyone diagnosed with a serious illness would not be paddling in the sea grinning, wake up and smell the coffee people!

Great powers of deduction there. Not.
jessstan2 · 27/07/2020 21:36

You cannot judge her. Having a good day out is probably part of her recuperation and she may be recovering.

She is an idiot posting it on social media though.

mosquitofeast · 27/07/2020 21:37

It could be many things. Lost voice, brain tumour, hearing problem, depression, repetitive strain, side effects of some drug she has been prescribed causing memory problems or mood swings, you can't possibly tell

saraclara · 27/07/2020 21:38

She is paddling in the sea, looking happy and very healthy

I have some lovely photos of my husband looking really happy and healthy in the last months of his terminal cancer diagnosis. He didn't start to look ill or thin until about four weeks before he died. And yes, we managed a family holiday to the seaside during his illness, not to mention the days out. We were determined to make the most of the time he had left.

I'm not saying that this woman is terminally ill of course, but it shows that not all health conditions make it impossible to take a happy snap of someone on a day out.

saraclara · 27/07/2020 21:40

Anyone diagnosed with a serious illness would not be paddling in the sea grinning, wake up and smell the coffee people!

I refer you to my post above, @CantSayJack

TreacherousPissFlap · 27/07/2020 21:40

You'd love me OP. I'm signed off sick with a bad back and my daily exercise yesterday took me to the pub where friends were meeting up Grin

Couchbettato · 27/07/2020 21:40

I had a miscarriage and then went to Scarborough for a week after handing my manager a sick note.

Felt loads better. Even posted on facebook to keep up appearances.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 27/07/2020 21:42

I wouldn’t ask, as it’s none of your business. I might anonymously print out her Facebook page and pass it to the manager.

There’s a lot of variation in how easy it is to get signed off on the sick by different GPs. Some are really robust, others less so.

buckeejit · 27/07/2020 21:42

Yabu

caringcarer · 27/07/2020 21:42

If you are being expected to pick up some of her work on top of your own I can see it must be annoying for you. You could check with manager if she has booked off holiday. A person at my dh office phoned on sick for a week but posted lots of images of her having a holiday with family in a holiday cottage including an image of her in costume in an indoor swimming pool. When she returned to work she handed in self certificate stating she was off sick with flu. The next day she was called into office and given a written warning.

Hedgehog44 · 27/07/2020 21:52

She's an idiot for doing this on social media as it will be more than just OP at her work who will think she's a cheeky cow!

Misskittyfantastico85 · 27/07/2020 21:55

My DH had chemo that left him with neuropathy and unable to work. He has been 'off sick' from work now for over 18 months. Only his HR manager knows why he is off, as he has been feeling better, we have been having days out, fun and sometimes posting on social media. Not all illnesses need you to be bedridden

Smallsteps88 · 27/07/2020 21:59

@CantSayJack

YANBU She’s tekkin fookin piss! The posters saying “nunya bizniss” are the type who would grass up their colleagues/neighbours first but yet take moral high ground on MN 😂😂🤣🤣

Anyone diagnosed with a serious illness would not be paddling in the sea grinning, wake up and smell the coffee people!

Such ignorance. You clearly don’t know many people who have been diagnosed with a serious illness.
DiddlySquatty · 27/07/2020 22:01

Honestly?
I wouldn’t say anything, or question it because it wouldn’t be my place.
But yeah I’d probably judge a little bit and think it looked a bit suss.
I’d also think she was a bit silly for not thinking how it might look and not keeping it off SM!

MsAwesomeDragon · 27/07/2020 22:02

There's a huge difference between being well enough to sit at the beach for an hour or two and being well enough to be at work for 8 hours a day.

My friend had a car accident and had a collapsed lung. Once she was out of hospital she was allowed to go out. Her husband would drive her somewhere, she'd sit and watch the kids play, maybe even take a very gentle stroll down to the sea to dip her feet in, then go home and sleep for the rest of the day. There's no way she could have driven herself to work and been on her feet for a full day.

There are lots of illnesses that need you to build up slowly to being more active. It's perfectly possible that your colleague is ill with one of these conditions.

Itwasntme1 · 27/07/2020 22:04

The majority of responses here are spot on.

The reasons for her sick leave are confidential. You do not require an explanation. It might be genuine, or it might not be. But it is not your job to investigate sick absences.

You will only end up causing trouble for yourself and looking unprofessional.

iftherewereahorseyinthehouse · 27/07/2020 22:05

It's none of your business. As long as your managers are happy it's their problem.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 27/07/2020 22:05

I agree, @Smallsteps88. What a nasty, judgemental post that was.

Helpimfalling · 27/07/2020 22:05

None of your business

Dont be that person

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