To ask why my colleague has been off sick for weeks and is on the beach?

[waitandseee]

My colleague has had nearly a month off sick leave, yet on facebook, there are photos of her on the beach, and on days out at cafe's. She is paddling in the sea, looking happy and very healthy. Am I being unreasonable to ask why this being allowed by management?

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• * Edited by MNHQ ** Hi all, and thanks to all those who have replied so far. It looks like the OP has left the site and won't be back to update the thread. We'll let the thread run as it's an interesting discussion. ===========================

Totally depends why she is off sick really as to whether she is taking the piss or not. Ultimately stay out of it. If you mention it at work you will just look like a shit stirrer.

Typos - sorry

And I looked really well, too.

@FlamedToACrisp

Gobsmacked to see how many PC people assume your colleague is sick with some random illness that means they're totally fine apart from being unable to work.

I think it's perfectly understandable that anyone's first reaction is to think, "If you're well enough to go to the beach, you're well enough to come back to work!"

Sitting on the beach is exactly the same as working an 8+ hour day, you’re absolutely correct. I get exhausted just looking at holiday photos, poor things.

When I was off sick with depression my GP told me to do things that made me feel happy. To be fair I didn't post any of it on social media.

^This. There might be legitimate reasons for this colleague to be off sick, MH issues really are real (I have them myself), and her GP might have given her similar advice, but boasting about her activities on social media really isn't a good idea and makes it look as if she's taking the piss.

There's no way for posters on here to know either way, though, obviously.

She’s extremely foolish to post it all over social media, and of course those who have been working hard to cover her absence are wondering if they’re being taken for mugs.

This is why managers need to manage absence robustly (but fairly).

Although it has been pointed out that her illness may not be physical and there is no need to stop going out. Your colleague is an absolute fool for broadcasting this all over social media.

I would find that upsetting to see as I work for a tiny company who relies on us all being in and working to survive.

But no one I work with takes life off sick as we are all healthy and we like our work.

Because all illness isn’t physical, and even if so doesn’t necessarily bind you to bed.

Rather simple.

Fuck sake.

Am I being unreasonable to ask why this being allowed by management?

YABU.
Besides, would you be happy if you were off sick, had a valid sick note, and management told all your colleagues your personal business?

I have been signed off work twice, once following an operation on my face which meant I couldn't talk so couldnt work but I still took the kids to the park for an hour here and there.

The second time was following my sons diagnosis with a chronic illness and trying to learn to manage it in the early stages was just too much with work. I was initially trying to work around it but it was so difficult and I ended up signed off with stress.

We had a holiday booked which fell the week before my sick note ended and I was encouraged to go. We needed that holiday actually and it did us the world of good. I posted our photos and enjoyed myself and went back to work feeling much better equipped to cope.

@Itisbetter

I think if you can go to the beach you can probably do a large part of your work, but I’m aware I’m in the minority. I think there are a lot of people who try very hard and a few who really don’t.

Because lying on a beach is just as hard as being a teacher/nurse/shelf stacker /working in a busy office or whatever.

Depends on why she's off sick and what her doctors instructions involve. Not all long term sickness issues mean staying at home all day and night. Sometimes getting out and about a bit gradually is part of the recommended recuperation process.

I've had two longer term sicknesses (physical not mental health) and both included some recuperating time which meant going out and about a little gradually.

So I was able to sit and have lunch or dinner with a friend but wasn't able to do a full days work - the two pressures on the body are poles apart.

If she's off for anything mental health related, she'll be doing exactly as the doctor ordered.

If she's had any other long term illness and is just coming back to health, likewise.

Being well enough to go the beach for and afternoon is not the same as being well enough to work FT, even if it is a physical illness but she was foolish to post it on FB whilst off sick.

I'm off work sick. I've got cancer. Finished chemo and radio but waiting for a scan to see if it's worked.

I'm out and about. Thankfully I work with nice people and they are supportive and invite me out so we can catch up. Also my manager encourages me to get out and exercise etc.

What do you think your manager would think about you if you went to them with this?

With all the new awareness of hidden disabilities and illnesses, that was really your first thought?

Whether your colleague is ill or not, it is none of your business, your management wont thank you for bringing this to their attention, they will think you are a cunt.

Unless you are this persons direct line manager or doctor and they have explicitly stated that their illness means they cannot leave the house keep your nose out.
I was off sick after life changing surgery and cancer treatment I felt like absolute shite but I looked normal. I could hobble to a restaurant and meet my friends and pose for a photo where I looked happy and carefree. 10 minutes later I could have been in agony or vomiting up the coffee I had just managed to drink. I was tagged in a photo on Facebook. Someone went to a manager about it and they got their arse handed to them and were told if they interfered again it could be construed as working place bullying and harassment.
Same one of my friends has been off for months with mental health issues and a very real attempt to take her own life. She’s on holiday currently- her gp recommended it as a break from every day life. She’s not posting photos on social media- mainly because of people like you, but is sending pictures to friends and she looks so much happier and more relaxed then I have seen her in years.

@CaptainMyCaptain I assume OP wouldn’t have an issue if she felt the job required significantly more effort than day tripping to the beach? If I had the energy to go to beach I could do several hours working from home. I honestly don’t think that’s that unusual.

Tricky.
On the face of what you’ve said , yes I’d agree with you.
However, I had to take long period of sick leave due to stress and related irritable bowel symptoms. I had to regularly check in with my GP and on one occasion she asked me what I was doing to help my mental well being. I told her ‘nothing.’
She asked ‘why ever not?’ To which I replied that I can’t go anywhere as I was off sick. She told me that that was nonsense as I was perfectly entitled to go out to gardens and beaches etc... as my problems were mental rather than physical.
My therapist also said that I needed to start venturing out to places that made me happy.

I felt very guilty spending a couple of hours in a National Trust property or local woodland but those visits made me so happy and helped me to see the light at the end of a dark tunnel.

Unlike your colleague, I did not post my visits on social media as I felt that my colleagues would not have appreciated it. And rightly so.
Your colleague was silly to post happy and joyful updates but you are being unreasonable to judge.

I wouldn't bring it up to management but I'd be pretty pissed off too, OP, especially if I was helping pick up the slack. It's rude to post all over SM knowing your colleagues are having to cover you while you're off having a time on the beach.

‘ She is paddling in the sea, looking happy and very healthy‘

In that moment perhaps yes, you do realise people often appear this way in photos even if they deep down want to end their life?

It has been said time and time again, how normal and happy people have looked in photos hours, even days before they ended their own life.

@VeeDubber

I clicked on this thread just knowing you'd be having your arse handed to you.

Meanwhile back in the real world, most people who are off sick from work for whatever reason, are not stupid enough to go advertising on social media that they're having a fine old time while their colleagues bust their balls covering the workload.

But the best thing you can do is delete her off your social media and try not to think about it.

Yep this.

I'm going to go against the MN grain here.

If I was having to pick up this woman's work whilst she was off sick and I saw she was at the beach having a great time, I wouldn't be that impressed either.

I used to work with someone who admittedly was having a crap time at work, but I had to cover her entire workload as well as my own when she was signed off with depression. Whilst I was sympathetic, I admit I was a bit ticked off when she would post on Facebook about the great times she was having at the beach, having lunch with friends and at the park with her kids.

Just saying. YANBU OP.

Totally agree with SheenaIs and FatherBrown.

As a manager, I am not allowed to discuss the reasons why someone is absent, I am paid to manage the workload. The rest of the team may be pissed off / suspicious as hell, but our policy states that the reasons for absence are confidential.

If you were absent, I'm sure you'd rather your manager didn't make your illness a topic of general conversation among your colleagues. I know I would.

Absolutely not your concern