Just sad....and drunk

[drunkmomandsad]

Mom to 4, currently home alone with 3 dc.
My family have just said no to helping us financially to move, this was our last option really. Just feel incredible sad and gutted

You'll feel better when you're sober and back in reality

I didn't really have a choice. His solicitor advised it, as he had the equity from his house . Since then we have had 3 children together, but as it is in the deeds apparently there is nothing we can do to change it

@drunkmomandsad

It would be a guarantor mortgage. We wouldn't need their money just have them on the mortgage with us. DH wants to be his own boss and not be under someone. I can't work more as I pick up the kids etc

Well dh needs to either earn more, or you go out to work and he looks after the dc.

O,s o let me get this clear.

DH earns around £4ph working FT and definitely less than minimum wage. So is earning, what? £160 p/w
You are earning "more" on 20 hours.

but you're entitled to working tax credits.so you can't have a household income of more than what... £25k?

How are you even able to afford the 4 bed house your in now?

OP - if you’re married your last post is incorrect. Splitting of finances on divorce is quite complex - if you want to leave I’d get proper advice first.

@drunkmomandsad

I didn't really have a choice. His solicitor advised it, as he had the equity from his house . Since then we have had 3 children together, but as it is in the deeds apparently there is nothing we can do to change it

You need to start practicing agency and accountability if this is true. Otherwise it sounds like everything is always someone else's choice or fault...

You have married since then and have DC, I think you will find he can change the deeds and as a spouse you can still claim against his share as a marital asset.

Which country do you live in England/Wales, Scotland or????

Sounds like your "D"H is lying and a few things that you have said scream "controlling" - he's got you trapped, barefoot and pregnant...

I'd get some advice from a solicitor on the quiet.

I'm so impressed that on such a crazy thread so full of OP's entitlement, people keep criticising the poster asking about the welfare of OP's children. Some people do get completely hammered when home alone with young DC, you know. It helps that there are people who would check these things, instead of sweeping it under the carpet and acting like its acceptable.

You must have known this would happen if you kept having kids. You should have thought shoot this beforehand.

@JuanNil totally agree

hes been doing this same thing for 20 years but you carried on having kids knowing he wasnt getting anywhere and now want to move

ok then

Surely if you had a choice, you would want a better life for your kids? Room to run and let off steam etc?

Yes, but personally I didn't have more children than we could comfortably accommodate. I know you arent allowed to say that on here, but if it was that much of a priority it's sensible to ensure you can do it before you get pregnant. Or use contraception.

I know someone who set up a gofundme page to raise £100k to clear her debts and avoid losing the roof over her head. What she failed to mention was that her DD was at a private school costing £30k a year!!

This post seems a bit similar!

LOL YOU'RE CRYING BECAUSE YOU CANT BUY A SEVEN BEDROOM HOUSE?!

Jesus wept. 😂😂😂😂😂

^ ^

This in fucking SPADES.
People have lost loved ones, lost their jobs, their homes are at risk, their kids are having mental health crises, women are suffering unprecedented levels of domestic abuse, cancer patients can't get tests or treatments ... and OP is weeping into her vino because she ONLY has a 4 bedroom home.

Ffs.

Some business owners pay themselves less than minimum wage until their business breaks even and they start turning a reasonable profit. It's admirable when they believe in their business. But this man has been paying himself less than half minimum wage for 20 years? If this is all fake, then OP needs to go back to the drawing board. And if it's real, then her husband has no business acumen whatsoever, and he shouldn't be running a business.

I wouldn't lend you a bean with an attitude like your dhs and yours. Why do you think you need a 7 bed house? Get over yourself.

I can’t afford a 7 bed detached and I have a well-paid full-time job I’ve been doing my entire adult life. I don’t even have a 4/5 bed house.

How are you even affording your current house if you work 20 hours and your husband has a hobby job? I assume tax credits so me and other hard-working taxpayers are paying for your lifestyle. Tremendous.

Why have you started this thread ? Wine or not you must have taken leave of your senses

Quite.

@drunkmomandsad

I didn't really have a choice. His solicitor advised it, as he had the equity from his house . Since then we have had 3 children together, but as it is in the deeds apparently there is nothing we can do to change it

That would be a declaration of trust (or trust deed) and yes it can be changed or got rid of completely. It’s not difficult.

Also, a mortgage with a guarantor will only provide a term until the guarantor’s retirement age. So if your parents are 50-60, you’re looking at a very short mortgage term which would mean your payments would likely be unaffordable, given what information you have provided.

My FIL was our guarantor for our first mortgage and as he was in his 50s, our original term was only 17 years. It meant we had to initially take out an interest only mortgage to afford the repayments.

They are highly unlikely to be accepted as guarantors it they live abroad.

Given all the information you’ve provided, they have definitely made the right choice.

We can’t always have what we want. 🤷‍♀️

You’ve come up with a fantastical solution to get you out of this trap your in. But your solution was fantasy I’m afraid.
The real problem is your trapped with a dh who won’t look after his own children, he’d rather piss about for 4 quid an hour and stay out of the way. He won’t let you work more and you’re going to get no where with this douche. If you left and lost the equity, you’d still be further ahead in 5 years by yourself than with this self-centred Prince of nowhere.
That’s the only option you have. Tough but your best option.

Fair enough. Just want a better life. We could have a better life, just trying to work it out x

Then you need to sort out that better life, not rely on the "bank of mum and dad" to provide it for you.