To leave my husband when I know I will regret it

[Betterlookinglover]

My husband is very good looking, kind and generous to a fault. Even looking back I have been punching above my weight, that's not me being negative it's just a fact. He loves me, would not see this coming. He is kind. But he is not interested in anything I am. This wasn't a problem when the children were small and we were tied to the house but now they have left/getting ready to leave I just feel so lost. I want to live, he wants to watch TV. I know he will easily find a girlfriend, I know I will be jealous but equally I can't live like this

Have you tried talking to him about how you feel?

Please leave, you deserve to feel yourself. You might feel jealous initially when he moves on but that short term pain will be nothing compared to many more years not feeling yourself

Can't you live in the marriage but do your own thing?

Or do you want to live alone or find someone else to do things with?

It sounds like you have different interests but get on?

Do you need to leave? Cannot you find your own interests away from him?

Just trying to understand

Speak to him! Tell him how you feel and what you want.

Could you find some hobbies and interests away from him? Without separating?

So will he not compromise at all, go out and do things you want to? What made you both attracted to each other? My DH is true homebody, I'm a person that likes to be out and about, but we compromise. My DH confesses that if not for that, he wouldn't have had the experiences he has, especially with regards to travel as I'm quite adventurous.

You go and do your own thing! Marriage has nothing to do with mutual interests.

Does he actively make you feel unhappy, or do you just feel unfulfilled generally in your life?

Would he stop you from having new hobbies or friendships that you would enjoy doing?

Don’t think that the grass is greener on the other side. How much do you invest in the relationship? Do you try to make it more fun and exciting? How’s your sex life?

Do you have someone else in mind?

I would definitely raise how you feel with a view to you doing your own thing(s) and perhaps, sometimes, meeting on the middle-go on the amazing holiday and he chills by the pool while you abseil down the volcano, then you can have dinner together while you tell him about it!

Can't you live in the marriage but do your own thing?

The women in my family are the travellers. The menfolk can stay at home. I like having an anchor and so does my mum. If you don't, then leave.

Just remember the grass is not always greener on the other side

Sounds a bit apocalyptic. What else have you tried before getting to the leaving him level? If you're saying he won't be expecting this, that sounds like there's a whole raft of conversations to be had before walking out. How much of this is to do with the kids leaving home? How much would being alone solve your problems or create new ones?

Do your own thing - that’s what you’ve got friends for.

Do you love him? That’s it. If you do then you need to talk, discuss, compromise. Couples do not need to do everything together, and it can be really great to do separate stuff then come back together. If you don’t, a pretty face won’t keep you, you both need to find happiness elsewhere

Don't mistake bored with your life with bored with him. It's not compulsory to do things together or even have the same interests. Some couples do, but plenty of happy couples don't.

My dc have no interests in common. Mostly we do them separately, sometimes we do them together just because we want to support each other and give things a try. I know more about WWII pillboxes and prof rock vinyl than I want to. He drags himself to the gym now and again.

Is he stopping you having interests? Is he belittling them? Or would he encourage and support you? Do you even know what interests you wasn't to do or is it just a general sense of boredom? Have you actually asked him if he'd participate in this 'new life' or just assumed he won't?

It sounds like you have enough of a reason to at least try counselling.

Don’t you want your children and eventual grandchildren to visit their grandparents as a couple? It would have torn my heart apart thinking they saw me and DH separately, not as a real family, though he died anyway so it turned out to not be a problem in the end

*interests you want to do

You sound a bit over dramatic. Midlife crisis maybe?
It's good you have your own interests. Life would be boring if married people did everything as a couple. Surely you can go on a little adventure of your own, or with friends, without throwing your whole marriage in the bin?

Getting to the stage when your DC start to fly the nest can bring on mid life crisis type emotions. You have drifted apart but that’s no reason to end a marriage unless you have truly explored ways of improving the situation.

Have you talked to him? Looked at shared activities? Tried counselling? A joint project or plan? Admittedly it’s not possible right now but there is so much that you could do together, ok he may not seem keen but there could be something that draws you back together.

Of course you could leave but if you already foresee regret then it seems a bit hasty unless you really have explored every avenue.

And obviously right now many of us are out of sorts and frustrated so again, not the best time to turn your world upsidedown.

Marriages are generally worth saving unless there's something really wrong. Why not talk to him, find things to do together? Or pursue your own interests but stay married? It just sounds like a bit of boredom and you really can't leave every time you get a bit bored. It's just not worth the upset.

What's stopping you 'live', OP? What are the things you want to do that you feel your marriage is stopping you doing?

I am in a similar situation but hubby is older than me. Don’t love or fancy him anymore, no bedroom business, just two people living together.
Very interested in the replies.

Sounds like you don’t really want to be with him but you don’t want anyone else to be with him either?

I left my husband because he was happy sitting in watching tv every weekend and I wanted adventure and fun, we were of different pages and I was getting frustrated having to do things on my own whilst he sat at home doing nothing. I don’t regret leaving him, it wasn’t easy as although he was really annoying he was kind of my best friend (because I spent so much time stuck at home with him). I now do lots of fun things, on my own and with friends, my life is much more exciting.

I'm going through an upsetting phase of actively hating DH and wanting to murder him. Everything he does annoys me. I could walk out of the door right this minute and never look back.

But I'm also very aware the fault is with me, and not him. I'm fairly sure it's a combination of emptying nest and hormonal changes.

I think what you're feeling is very common.