To leave my husband when I know I will regret it

[Betterlookinglover]

My husband is very good looking, kind and generous to a fault. Even looking back I have been punching above my weight, that's not me being negative it's just a fact. He loves me, would not see this coming. He is kind. But he is not interested in anything I am. This wasn't a problem when the children were small and we were tied to the house but now they have left/getting ready to leave I just feel so lost. I want to live, he wants to watch TV. I know he will easily find a girlfriend, I know I will be jealous but equally I can't live like this

Your problem is not your "dull" husband, OP; it is yourself. And leaving him is not going to solve that problem. At your (middle) age good men are a rarity and you might very well find you are not even more lonely. Find peace with yourself, if necessary with therapy.

[quote Betterlookinglover]@Qz that's how I feel. Sometimes I lie in bed, sharing a bed with another person and yet I've never felt so lonely or so detached. I've been more lonely Sharing a bed with him than I have been in a strange continent on my own. To pp there is no one else,i have no male. Friends. Plenty of female but they don't float my boat.[/quote]
If that's how you fee then you should leave, but be aware you may or may not meet someone else.

Either way, it's better to be lonely alone than lonely with someone else. I think.

I don’t really get this. Has he never holidayed with you and the children in a way that involved actual travelling? Have you ever been abroad on a family holiday together? Or is it just that he doesn’t like flying? Does he have a fear of flying? You can travel by other means such as train, bus, car etc..
Doesn’t he ever want to go outside the house? Is he a hermit who just watches tv?
We need more information here.

I am sorry but he doesn’t sound like such a great catch if all he wants to do is sit and watch tv and is not interested in the outside world.

@Betterlookinglover What do you enjoy doing other than going on holidays?

It comes over that you are looking at holidays and travelling as the be-all and end-all of your marriage.

What else do you enjoy?

What can you offer any new partner?

Are you an interesting person or did your H merely provide the money for you and the kids to travel?

So much we don't know here like how old your kids are, if you work, where you get fulfilment in life other than holidays.

Not sure why people are so confused.

OP, I get you completely, maybe because I have been in a similar relationship. My ex didn’t holiday with us either, well he did try once but hated it and made the holiday miserable so after that I would take the dc’s alone. After a while I just felt like a single parent so I decided I would leave. I still take the kids away alone, I don’t have a new partner, I don’t particularly want one, I enjoy holidaying with my teens with the extra bonus of not knowing I have a grumpy dh sat at home not joining in. I have lots of male friends that I do various hobbies with, I’m never lonely, I love the fact I can do what I want when I want without the worry of him being home alone waiting for my return.

OP, if you leave him there’s a chance you might not find a partner who wants to do the things you want to do, there’s a chance you will but you will find single friends who will happily join in with your adventures.

I'm confused because the OP constantly puts herself down regarding her looks and is 'punching above her weight' with her H, will be jealous if he gets a new partner, BUT the only thing that seems to be wrong with him is he doesn't like holidays and watches a lot of TV.

OP I think you might find it helpful to work on what you want from a relationship, with or without this man.

If it's only something shallow like holidays, then I can't see how ditching your H is the answer.

If it's meaningful conversations and an emotional connection you need to meet him halfway- are you doing that at all?

@LizzieBennett70 I know the feeling, if you find a solution let me know!

I think you need to think of whether you would be happier living an independent life within your marriage, or if you would be happier living alone ?
As others have said, you might never have another partner so you would need to be happy in your own company.

If you are considering leaving it’s never too early to think about the practicalities, even if you never need it.
Do you own your home or rent ?
Do you both have private pensions ?
Do you have your own bank accounts, do you have joint accounts ?
Do you have a family solicitor in mind ?

I know exactly why the OP is unhappy and it's exactly the same reason I left my 20 year marriage

Have you talked to your husband about how you feel? Maybe if he realises that you're at the point of leaving he will decide whether to work at your marriage or you can both decide to walk away.

If you are feeling so distanced from him and feeling more alone with him that when you are alone, it sounds like something more is wrong. Not just no shared interests, but a deeper alienation. I agree about counselling being a good idea.

But I ask again, do you really love him? You keep saying he is good looking, which is actually an odd thing to mention first after you have been with someone so long and built a home and family together. You say you would be jealous to see him with someone else. But those things could be true of someone you don't really love. Or is this that you fear he doesn't really find you attractive or love you?

Hi I’m in the same position did you come to a decision in the end ?

What about doing hobbies with your own friends?

What are your interests and what are his?

If you have a couple of shared interests that might be enough. No need to live in each others pockets

Marriage counselling next step

In my experience , you have to be happy in yourself before you can be happy with anyone else. Your posts sound as though you are unhappy with yourself with comments about ' not being good enough' etc so perhaps this is something to consider? If you leave you may well just be taking your loneliness with you .
Good luck whatever you decide, life's too short to be miserable

I left my ex husband because i though the grass was greener. Biggest mistake of my life

Why can't you find something you both like doing together? Whether it's going on a hike at the weekends, dancing, learning a language online - anything that you have a common interest in. It seems crazy to throw away your marriage just because you haven't explored fully what you can do together.

What have you done to improve the situation?