To be upset and think about ending the relationship?

[Donnat89]

So I am a mum of 2 children , I have a partner (children are not his they are from a previous relationship )

Anyway we’ve been together a few years and live together .

But I am so fed up ! He does nothing around the house literally nothing I feel like I have another child .

Now I would get this if I was a stay at home mum but I am not I work too , I’m not asking him to spring clean the house but he can’t even load his dirty dishes into the dish washer just leaves it for me to do , will see the bin over flowing and again leave me to do it , leaves rubbish laying around all the time and again I get left to do it . I have talked to him loads of times about how much this bothers me and how I would like it if he helped around the house more so he said he will pack his washing away 3 weeks his washing has sat waiting. To be packed away he hasn’t even attempted to do it

He is self employed so doesn't work everyday and many times recently I've come home from work and he's done NOTHING not a thing and has created more mess than was left that morning .

Also Friday just gone he went go karting with his friends and he said he was goin pub after this is fine by me He needs his space just like me . It got to about midnight though and I hadn’t heard from him so I tried to call he didn’t answer he then messaged me so I text back again I didn’t get a reply so I tried to call again and he refused to even answer the phone to me he didn’t come home that night or return my calls but could send messages no problem this isn’t the first time he’s acted like that either !

He appeared yesterday afternoon but went straight upstairs and I didn’t see him for the rest of the night .

This morning he’s trying to act Like nothings happened and doesn’t understand why I’m so upset apparently I’m a cunt for this and he’s stormed out again yet again not cleaning up after himself

I am so fed up it doesn’t matter how much I try to talk to him about the stuff he does that upsets me he swears to change and never does

He has good qualities and can be thoughtful etc but I’m at the point where I’m so fed up with our day to day life’s I feel Like he doesn’t listen to and doesn’t seem to care how any of this makes me feel .

I’ve told him I don’t want this relationship anymore but he thinks I’m over reacting I just don’t know what to do anymore am I over reacting ? Am I giving him too much of a hard time . I feel so deflated at the moment I don't even know if I'm right to be upset !

Sorry for the long post ! X

Hi ladies

Thank you all so much for
Your support

I hadn't realised how stupid I had been putting up with it all , I also hadn't realised that all the nice things are as someone pointed out to draw me back in .

He has collected his things and gone to his mothers , I did have some not very nice phone calls being called every name under the sun but that's it .

I feel so relived right now .

I'm sure
My children and I will be much happier whilst I tend to just get on with things and have for months they obviously do pick up on how I feel and know somethings up .

If I had allowed it to go on any longer I fear they really could have been affected much worse .

I'm just wanting to start my life again now and just be happy and not stressed he is not my
Problem and never was I am not his keeper nor am I his maid service and I know this is the right decision for me

I am going to contact my GP and get some counselling as I really don't want to end up in a situation like this again

I do feel embarrassed that I put up with that crap but it sure has shown me what lack of respect looks like xxx

Well done. Hope he goes quietly. Are your mum and step dad there? Are you expecting him home tonight?

You deserve so much better. Equal partnership is the only option, so accept nothing less.

No he won't be coming back nothing here for him

Yes they came locks have been changed so he can't get in even if he did come back

If he causes any issues I shall just phone the police I'm not having any of it

I feel really drained but i do feel better for it at the same time

I know it wasn't right and I'm would rather be on my own than ever put up with that again , I know what I want and what a healthy relationship looks and I will not accept anything less xx

That's brilliant. I'm so pleased for you. There's a really good book by Lundy Bancroft called 'Why Does He Do That' which is very helpful at identifying the behaviours and approaches men use to take advantage of their partners. I recommend it. I don't think this is your fault or that you somehow invited this kind of treatment. When you understand these behaviours and how they works on basically all of us, it can be very freeing. Virtually everyone is vulnerable to this type of person - unless you've already been there, done that, and seen it all before! Which you now have!

Awesome op! Good on you. 💪

Don't be embarrassed I'm fairly sure it was a "boiled frog" situation and he wasn't this bad at the beginning or you'd have seen it obviously that he was taking piss.

And the shitty phone calls were because he's angry his gravy trains been removed!

Fuck him!

Wishing you and the dc contentment and fun!

I know what I want and what a healthy relationship looks and I will not accept anything less xx

May I lend you my relationship theme song? Had it since my divorce many years ago and while I'm happily single I wish you luck in finding a great relationship if that's what you want

Fairground attraction - perfect.

Well done. Congratulations
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏❤️

If anyone ever called me a cunt that would be the last words they ever spoke in my presence.

And now you've done it, don't listen to some sob story. Celebrate your life without him in it and plan some lovely things with your DCs and family.

Well done OP 👏
Enjoy your summer 😊

I feel so relived right now .

Well done OP. You are far too good for that loser.

"I feel so relived right now ."

A most appropriate typo.

Good luck.

(Somehow got it wrong above/)

Well done OP. What a day for you! I'm so glad to read that he has gone and you can just focus on making a good life for yourself and your children.
Best of luck to you!!

Well done @Donnat89 !! Your life will be so much better without Wotsisname!!

Don't forgot to:

• Contact your local council and remove him from your address so you can claim your 25% discount. You might be able to do that online

• change all passwords eg Sky, Netflix, Amazon and/or other shopping sites he might have had access to. Maybe your internet router also. You can speak to your service supplier about how to do that.

• has he had any access to your credit/debit card? If so you may need to get replacement cards from your bank.

• change your passwords to your social media and email accounts

I'm assuming only your mother and stepfather have a spare key to your home but, if you know your neighbours well, let them know he's moved out for good in case he loiters or tries to get in when you are out.

Consider blocking him on your phone and all other platforms, plus send his emails to you to the junk folder.

And, most importantly: give yourself and your children a hug for taking steps towards a happier future. 🌹🍷

My guess is he was with another woman. That's why he could text but not answer the phone. Tell him he don't need to put his s**t away he can pack it in his suitcase and get the hell out. Offer to pack it for him if he doesn't know how. You deserve better.

Can I suggest that you read the OP's updates FortniteBoysMum

Good for you. He was more than a waste of space. Jyst don’t have him back. He won’t change.

Good morning OP, it's so great to see your updates. Don't feel bad that it took a while to see what was happening. When someone is messing with your head, it's not easy. You must have been putting two and two together subconsciously, because putting it down in black and white, and then seeing our responses, was enough for you to act decisively. Hope you and DC have a lovely day.

Well done for taking such swift action. He was taking the piss massively.

Well done OP!

I am so happy for you now you've gotten rid of the lazy piss taking manchild. Welcome to the world of freedom!

Well done op! Good for you. Time to put your feet up now you’ve got half as much housework to do

Yay!

Thank goodness he has gone OP.
Well done.
Time for a stress(ish) free life without some fuckwit taking advantage of your good nature!
Well done mum and step dad as well!