To be upset and think about ending the relationship?

[Donnat89]

So I am a mum of 2 children , I have a partner (children are not his they are from a previous relationship )

Anyway we’ve been together a few years and live together .

But I am so fed up ! He does nothing around the house literally nothing I feel like I have another child .

Now I would get this if I was a stay at home mum but I am not I work too , I’m not asking him to spring clean the house but he can’t even load his dirty dishes into the dish washer just leaves it for me to do , will see the bin over flowing and again leave me to do it , leaves rubbish laying around all the time and again I get left to do it . I have talked to him loads of times about how much this bothers me and how I would like it if he helped around the house more so he said he will pack his washing away 3 weeks his washing has sat waiting. To be packed away he hasn’t even attempted to do it

He is self employed so doesn't work everyday and many times recently I've come home from work and he's done NOTHING not a thing and has created more mess than was left that morning .

Also Friday just gone he went go karting with his friends and he said he was goin pub after this is fine by me He needs his space just like me . It got to about midnight though and I hadn’t heard from him so I tried to call he didn’t answer he then messaged me so I text back again I didn’t get a reply so I tried to call again and he refused to even answer the phone to me he didn’t come home that night or return my calls but could send messages no problem this isn’t the first time he’s acted like that either !

He appeared yesterday afternoon but went straight upstairs and I didn’t see him for the rest of the night .

This morning he’s trying to act Like nothings happened and doesn’t understand why I’m so upset apparently I’m a cunt for this and he’s stormed out again yet again not cleaning up after himself

I am so fed up it doesn’t matter how much I try to talk to him about the stuff he does that upsets me he swears to change and never does

He has good qualities and can be thoughtful etc but I’m at the point where I’m so fed up with our day to day life’s I feel Like he doesn’t listen to and doesn’t seem to care how any of this makes me feel .

I’ve told him I don’t want this relationship anymore but he thinks I’m over reacting I just don’t know what to do anymore am I over reacting ? Am I giving him too much of a hard time . I feel so deflated at the moment I don't even know if I'm right to be upset !

Sorry for the long post ! X

And a lodger who gets his room and board for free, I might add. It’s never any wonder he doesn’t want to give up his lodgings and is trying to make you feel like you’re being unreasonable.

Chuck him out.

Urgh. What an embarrassment of a man. Even an average partner would seem like man of the year after him.

@MonkeyToesOfDoom

Lazy, selfish and gaslighting you.

And you're wondering if you should stay with him? You should boot the arsehat at your earliest possible convenience.

This!!! Get rid especially if you think he's cheating x

Sounds like you've been round the discussion already.

Save your breath? Bag up his stuff. It will be the last time you have to pick up after him.

Throw his stuff in a bag and put it outside the front door.

Say it's over and don't enter any kind of discussion about it.

Your life will be SO much better without him in it.

He is thoughtless not thoughtful.

@Donnat89 good luck with the talk, you sound like you’ll be much much happier without him, and hey you might actually meet someone that appreciates what great woman you are, you sound like you’ve really got the rest of your life sorted and are independent and kind and hardworking - if my husband might be knocking on your door send him back will you 😂

I think one thing us women are very guilty of doing is projecting what we think our relationship is onto the relationship.
So my last husband was a lying, lazy creep I was married to for around 20 years yet the whole time I convinced myself he was something else altogether and my soul mate.
It took me 20 years to stop doing this and see him for what he actually was and I was appalled with myself that I had managed ro kid myself all ths time.
We just want to be happy which is why I think we do this but unfortunately it blinds us to the truth that a lot of men are not actually very nice.

Start packing his things up into bin bags and tell him to go stay at a mate's place.

You sound miserable. Long overdue.

I pay all the bills always have he does buy food shopping and tends to pay for the stuff when we go out (although I do pay for this also ) , eating out etc as I said he can be thoughtful and easy going and I don't want to sound ungrateful at all .

Sorry, but he's not thoughtful because he buys the shopping and sometimes pays for stuff when you go out. He's a cocklodger and you have been enabling this. He's a lazy shit too. You and your children deserve better than this. He's no example to your children.

You've told him you're not happy, but he gaslights you in return. Don't give him anymore chances. Just bag up his crap and leave it outside.

He called you a cunt???

I agree with the others, just pack his stuff and leave it out front. You deserve so much better than this.

Also if my husband called me a c#nt in anger I'd be out the door! That's past my limit personally it's just so vile and disrespectful! But all the behaviour on top? He doesn't even provide! Not that that matters, but it sounds like you can do that very well by yourself so no financial worries.

Don't just tell him your done, pack his things and have them waiting. If he's ever been violent or you suspect he could be, call someone you trust and at least let them know what you are doing and if someone is willing to physically be with you for moral support even better. But if you're going to end it, get him out of your house. On a side note please end it...you deserve SO much more than this selfish manchild x

Why does he get to have another go at trying to charm you into letting him stay? He will a) try to ignore the conversation, b) get all emotional and begging when he realises you are serious, or c) get nasty.
Just bag up his stuff. Leave it outside the door.

I’m with @katy1213 on this, bag his clothes up and say good bye..

You said a good quality of his was that he was thoughtful. Bollocks is he. What you’ve described is so far away from thoughtful. Cocklodger doesn’t even cover it. I wouldn’t let him back in, especially as he stormed out in a strop and can’t / won’t have a civil conversation with you about it. Bag up his stuff, along with his crap (ie his rubbish) and text him that it’s over. His stuff needs leaving outside but safe, tell him to collect it and tell him you will call the police if he threatens or verbally abuses you and follow through with it x

He's the opposite of kind and thoughtful! Get his stuff packed and by the door for when he comes back. Think about what your children are learning about relationships.

Once he’s left get the locks changed so he can’t get back in again. If he needs more time to collect his stuff it can then be at a time that’s convenient for you and have another adult there with you at the time. Good luck. You’re much better off without him.

Sorry Op, but this guy is a total cocklodger and not a very nice one either, how dare he call you a cunt after living off you for years. Don't bother waiting until he is home, get his things shoved in bin bags, leave them outside your house, lock all doors and text him that it's over and his stuff is outside. I would suggest getting the locks changed ASAP, so he cannot enter your home when you are at work and take stuff that belongs to you.

He sounds like a teen still living at home. By now he should be paying half of everything because he lives in your house, I repeat your house.
If he was a partner he would be doing half the chores or at least a third.
I think you know that he is taking advantage of you. Hard working, independent woman.
He needs to grow up but he needs to do it elsewhere.

I'm with everyone else (of course). It sounds like he is cheating - who goes upstairs when they've just come in from an unexplained night out, except someone who wants to hide/wash off the evidence? Even if he isn't, his disrespect is breath-taking, and I'm so glad you've decided to end it.

Calm, cool and not giving an inch is the way to go here. It's months too late for any emotional discussions about why or whether he should leave. It's now non-negotiable.

Oh my God get rid! He sounds appalling.

He treats you like his servant, how can he respect you if he treats you that way, absolutely end it, you need to show your children that no one should allow themselves be treated in that way. Regarding him not answering your call, maybe he's cheating, maybe he isn't but tbh the first issue is more than enough reason to end the relationship anyway

Good to read your last update @Donnat89
Get rid of him and breathe a big sigh of relief. You are worth way more than this!

You know, if you whip around quickly with that binbag, you could have this sorted this afternoon - and wake up tomorrow to a fresh, bright start without this bloodsucker.
You've no legal/financial ties, he's not the children's father, he contributes nothing to your life. Do you have a bolt or chain on the door until you can get the locks changed?

If any man ever called me the C word he'd be out the door before his feet touched the ground.