To be upset and think about ending the relationship?

[Donnat89]

So I am a mum of 2 children , I have a partner (children are not his they are from a previous relationship )

Anyway we’ve been together a few years and live together .

But I am so fed up ! He does nothing around the house literally nothing I feel like I have another child .

Now I would get this if I was a stay at home mum but I am not I work too , I’m not asking him to spring clean the house but he can’t even load his dirty dishes into the dish washer just leaves it for me to do , will see the bin over flowing and again leave me to do it , leaves rubbish laying around all the time and again I get left to do it . I have talked to him loads of times about how much this bothers me and how I would like it if he helped around the house more so he said he will pack his washing away 3 weeks his washing has sat waiting. To be packed away he hasn’t even attempted to do it

He is self employed so doesn't work everyday and many times recently I've come home from work and he's done NOTHING not a thing and has created more mess than was left that morning .

Also Friday just gone he went go karting with his friends and he said he was goin pub after this is fine by me He needs his space just like me . It got to about midnight though and I hadn’t heard from him so I tried to call he didn’t answer he then messaged me so I text back again I didn’t get a reply so I tried to call again and he refused to even answer the phone to me he didn’t come home that night or return my calls but could send messages no problem this isn’t the first time he’s acted like that either !

He appeared yesterday afternoon but went straight upstairs and I didn’t see him for the rest of the night .

This morning he’s trying to act Like nothings happened and doesn’t understand why I’m so upset apparently I’m a cunt for this and he’s stormed out again yet again not cleaning up after himself

I am so fed up it doesn’t matter how much I try to talk to him about the stuff he does that upsets me he swears to change and never does

He has good qualities and can be thoughtful etc but I’m at the point where I’m so fed up with our day to day life’s I feel Like he doesn’t listen to and doesn’t seem to care how any of this makes me feel .

I’ve told him I don’t want this relationship anymore but he thinks I’m over reacting I just don’t know what to do anymore am I over reacting ? Am I giving him too much of a hard time . I feel so deflated at the moment I don't even know if I'm right to be upset !

Sorry for the long post ! X

It's the disrespect I couldn't live with, expecting you to clean up his mess, making empty promises to change, not even answering your calls, no wonder you've had enough! I don't think it's possible to get that respect back (assuming it was ever there) once it's gone and the longer you put up with it the more it will chip away at your self esteem.

What about practicalities? Whose name is the house in? Could you manage financially? Would he have anywhere to go if you booted him, not that it should stop you if he hasn't but it makes it easier if he has family/friends he could stay with.

He's proved he isn't going to change so stop wasting your time, I bet it will feel like a weight's been lifted when he's gone

Well if there is someone else she’s one very lucky woman

All of these things would make me despair but him calling me a cunt would be the dealbreaker. Especially when it’s for calling him out on his own cunty behaviour.

You don’t need to think about ending it, you need to end it. What are you even getting out of this relationship?

OP, you don't have to stay in a relationship which you're not happy in. There isn't a point where it is suddenly 'bad enough' to leave. You can end a relationship for any reason.
His lack of effort with housework etc is symbolic of his lack of consideration for you.
You deserve a partner who is willing to share the load, who looks for ways to do nice things, and appreciates nice things you do for him.
Not one you treats you like a slave and calls you a cunt for calling him out.
You'd be better off without him.

You deserve better. He’s is taking the piss out of you.

The texting but not picking up the phone would be a red flag for me.

I’ve just ended a ten year marriage with two kids to my husband because he is so fucking lazy in the house. I’ve cajoled him for years, begged, asked, shouted. Always saying he will ‘help out more’ but never changes. So I’ve ended it. I’m not his servant.

In your case, he does fuck all, you pay all the bills. Paying for a meal out does not equate to an equal financial share. Also he is staying out all night and won’t speak to you then fucks off to bed when he gets back. This isn’t healthy

Get some bin liners, pack all his stuff into them and put them outside the front door.

I'm afraid he's seen you coming. Single mum with kids syndrome. I know I've been there.
Certain types of men target single mums because they have homes and they are presumably so deperate for a relationship they will also clean up after them like their mothers, provide free sex and take care of everything.
What normally happens is that they take advantage to the max then leave when something better or even just different comes along.
I'm afraid you've been done. Chuck him and all of his stuff out of the door. I would not be surprised if he had already lined the next one up.

Sounds like he brings very little to enhance your life. He doesn't have to agree with you ending it. Get him out of the house, don't let him weasel his way back in. Enjoy your home and children and breathe a sigh of relief.

You can do better.

I think I love the person I thought I was falling in love with thoughtful kind , helpful but he's not .

So actually I don't even know anymore I suppose I'm in love with the person I thought I knew . X

I didn't even know you could do polls on here lol I would have done otherwise x

Op

There's a saying in therapy which is nobody can make you feel anything
How you feel is on you, it's harsh but it's true

I imagine your so called love for him is wrapped up in, you feeling inadequate or low self esteem and a whole host of other dreadful bring you low shit
Blokes like him and your acceptance of his treatment of you, allow the cycle of low self esteem to continue, and yeah he knows that and plays on it

Park your love for him, pack his stuff up and throw it out the door, you are allowing yourself to be taken for a mug, he's gonna leave anyway, so why make it easy for him to pick his own moment.

Taking back control is the start of gaining back you and your esteem, it's hard yes, but it's much easier than this shit show surely?

You love what he was, not what he is now. You need to let go or you will feel more and more undervalued and miserable, and your self esteem will plummet.

Wouldn't put up with any of that, OP. I've been married to someone who treated me poorly and took me for granted in the way your DP does; I've been single with 2 children; and now extremely happy with a DP who considers me in everything he does and if anything does more housework than me!
Being single is the infinitely better than being with someone who doesn't appreciate or respect you.

I could not respect him so love would be out of the question. I hope you aren’t married, easier to get him out. I think I’d give him a 2 week deadline to get out. You didn’t take him on as a 3rd child.

He called you a cunt OP, you don't need permission to end this.

Think about the example your relationship sets to your children & end things with this loser.

You'll be so much happier without him around making a mess and causing you to worry about where he is on a Friday night.

Good luck!

Ditch him. Don’t waste anymore of your time with this lazy git

Lazy, lying disrespectful piece of shit. 'Thoughtful and easygoing' because he occasionally pays his way? If anyone's a cunt here, its him. And why would he change when he's living rent and bill free.

Sounds like he's having fun torturing you except when it has repercussions for him. Perhaps he's trying to make you responsible for ending the relationship?

You and your children deserve better. Bin bags and a locksmith time.

At the very least go on strike and stop skivvying for him, stop paying for anything for him and with any luck, he'll flounce.

Just make a decision and do it.
No more 'one last chance' or 'i'll see how it goes'.
Just tell him to leave. Or you leave. Today.

All too often posters put off the inevitable & waste time and energy.

he said he will pack his washing away 3 weeks his washing has sat waiting. To be packed away he hasn’t even attempted to do it

Ah now , you need to help him with this . Pack his washing away for him why don't you ? Instead of leaving it sitting there for a 4th week , you could put it into binbags and it can be leaving with the rest of the rubbish ie your "D" P .

He's taking the absolute piss.
He doesn't believe you will kick him out.

Prepare for him to get nasty when he realises you mean it.

He brings bigger all to your life and takes so much from him. He's wasted years of your life. Don't let him waste more.

Thanks ladies

I was single for years before this and never struggled and I don't ever remember feeling this miserable

We are not married so it would be uncomplicated to split

Financially I do it all anyway so again I wouldn't be screwed anyway

Weird thing is I've sat and I've thought about this all before I've even said all this to him as others have said he just displays a total lack of respect for me in every way possible

And it's damaging me it is starting to damage my mental health if it wasn't i wouldn't even be asking if I was over reacting I would have got shot of him

Once he's back in telling him I'm done I can't do this anymore I am done with the empty promises the laziness the total lack of consideration and respect I'm better of alone and I do know that now time to do what I need to do xx

The cleaning would be the biggest deal breaker for me, yeah fuck that.Get out of there. And it's not just the cleaning but rather what it represents-his disrespect for you.

Dont wait till he's back, get his stuff packed now. Into a bag, or a suitcase. Stick it in the garage, by the bins, near the front door.
Don't let him get a foot in the door, because the promises, the apologies, the weaseling will start.

Don't waste your time with a pointless conversation. Put his shit in bin bags ready for his return. Tell him to leave and give back his key. Block him and change the locks if necessary.

You have a lodger who treats you like an unpaid housemaid.

Next time he vanishes, put his clothes in a bag and leave it on the front step.

Job done.