To be upset and think about ending the relationship?

[Donnat89]

So I am a mum of 2 children , I have a partner (children are not his they are from a previous relationship )

Anyway we’ve been together a few years and live together .

But I am so fed up ! He does nothing around the house literally nothing I feel like I have another child .

Now I would get this if I was a stay at home mum but I am not I work too , I’m not asking him to spring clean the house but he can’t even load his dirty dishes into the dish washer just leaves it for me to do , will see the bin over flowing and again leave me to do it , leaves rubbish laying around all the time and again I get left to do it . I have talked to him loads of times about how much this bothers me and how I would like it if he helped around the house more so he said he will pack his washing away 3 weeks his washing has sat waiting. To be packed away he hasn’t even attempted to do it

He is self employed so doesn't work everyday and many times recently I've come home from work and he's done NOTHING not a thing and has created more mess than was left that morning .

Also Friday just gone he went go karting with his friends and he said he was goin pub after this is fine by me He needs his space just like me . It got to about midnight though and I hadn’t heard from him so I tried to call he didn’t answer he then messaged me so I text back again I didn’t get a reply so I tried to call again and he refused to even answer the phone to me he didn’t come home that night or return my calls but could send messages no problem this isn’t the first time he’s acted like that either !

He appeared yesterday afternoon but went straight upstairs and I didn’t see him for the rest of the night .

This morning he’s trying to act Like nothings happened and doesn’t understand why I’m so upset apparently I’m a cunt for this and he’s stormed out again yet again not cleaning up after himself

I am so fed up it doesn’t matter how much I try to talk to him about the stuff he does that upsets me he swears to change and never does

He has good qualities and can be thoughtful etc but I’m at the point where I’m so fed up with our day to day life’s I feel Like he doesn’t listen to and doesn’t seem to care how any of this makes me feel .

I’ve told him I don’t want this relationship anymore but he thinks I’m over reacting I just don’t know what to do anymore am I over reacting ? Am I giving him too much of a hard time . I feel so deflated at the moment I don't even know if I'm right to be upset !

Sorry for the long post ! X

Well done Op for taking action now you're realised how awful he is. Glad you've got your Mum and stepdad there with you for moral support. You are worth so much more than this user and just think how nice it will be to come home to a house that is as clean and tidy as you left it. Good luck .

Good luck. If he hammers on the door and refuses to leave, then tell him that he's got 5 minutes to shift his shit or the police will be on their way.

Don't take any crap - you are worth so much more than this.

Leave his shit (unpacked of course) in a pile outside the front door. What an unpleasant waste of space he is. Get him gone.

You said he can be thoughtful. You’re not selling him I have to say. It sounds like life would be a lot easier without him in it. Have you gone round cleaning up after him and tidying up after him since you moved in together? If so, then you’ve enabled his lazy behaviour.

@randomer

There's nothing les tricoteuses like more than sitting in their smug little worlds ,telling a poster to ditch a man.

Here's an option....get some counselling for yourself or as a pair.

Get some counselling yourself. If you can't recognise someone being a selfish leech and taking advantage of another, sounds like you need it.

Well done. Getting rid of this lazy blah blah will be your best days work ever.
You said it yourself, you are in love with an image of a man who is not the man living with you.
Remember he will never change.

He sounds desperatively unattractive. If you doubt your decision to break up with him, think about whether you feel you can get in the mood and have sex with someone who disrepects you so much that he thinks its totally acceptable to call you a c*nt & thats before you even think about picking up after him day in and day out.

mustbethistalltoride.com/2016/01/14/she-divorced-me-because-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink/

Pack up all his stuff in bin bags, leave outside at the front door , print out this and leave it on the top.

I've always just done it automatically I suppose but I feel as if the laziness has just got worse and worse to the point he does nothing at all where as before he did at least tidy up after himself .

I know he's not gonna change any time soon I've tried to talk to him many times about it so it's not as if he has no idea why I'm upset

I suppose I have enabled this behaviour but I've also many times try to change it and ask for more help etc makes no difference . He may be really good for a few days but pls habits die hard and it's soon back to me doing everything

Having wrote all this down I can see how bad it really is like I knew it was bad but it's actually awful .

I've said he's thoughtful but when I think about it how is this ? I can say because when he goes shop or to grab a take
Out he always knows what I want / or thinks to grab me something nice even if I haven't asked he's always trying to plan for things for us to do and I'm not ungreatful for it at all I appreciate all those things but it's just no enough anymore I would rather have someone that's part of my team and helps so it's not all on me all the time

I've just lied to myself trying to see something that just isn't there I've allowed him convince me it is

I do feel so silly now but all that matters is what I do about it now and enough is enough . X

Great stuff OP and tomorrow there will only be two children to sort out , not three.

You don’t want this behaviour around your kids. Lucky for them he’s not their dad. So get rid. That’s what I think. You’re not married he’s very selfish and I hate to be a cow but I suspect he may be playing away from home op.....

Well sometimes we don’t realise how bad something is when we’re going through it because we’re hoping it will get get better, and also having to be strong enough to cope so you don’t let the real feelings in.

When we look back on it we then realise how bad it was.

New start. Good luck!

LTB

Thanks for all the advice I was so scared I was gonna get lynched for sounding like an ungreatful moaning cow how, by any exaggerated stretch of the imagination, would any sane person think you were being ungrateful?? Ungrateful for what! ? Being treated like a skivvy? Called a cunt? Belittled and ignored? You need to work on your boundaries and self esteem if you honestly doubt yourself over ending this pitiful relationship. Make him not your problem anymore.

Interestingly, you haven't mentioned your children once and how all this affects them. I would have thought they would be your priority. 🤷

He sounds useless and lazy.
A relationship is supposed to make your life better, not worse.
Youre doing the right thing kicking him out. Shows you still have self respect x

Oh fuck's sake. Break up. Your life will be so much better.

@Dipi79

Interestingly, you haven't mentioned your children once and how all this affects them. I would have thought they would be your priority. 🤷

If the children adored him and he was marvellous with them there is still no reason why the OP should continue in a relationship if she doesn't want to. She has more than one issue to consider, I'm sure, but has posted only one on here. She is a person in her own right as well as a mother.

The things you describe as thoughtful is stuff that's easy to do and all on his terms. Know what takeaway you like? Picks you up something in the shop? Plans nice activities for you both? Easy peasy stuff. Anything that involves actual effort e.g. proper financial contributions, picking up after his own mess let alone pulling his weight round the house etc... nah he's not interested.

Well done for bagging up his stuff. If he starts moaning about where he's going to go, well he can fuck off to wherever it is he disappears to overnight can't he?

G'wan OP! Sling the ungrateful sod out and you and your kids will have a much better summer holiday without him creating a mess round the house and treating you like a skivvy.

So you pay all the bills, do all the donkey work and this lazy fucker can’t even be bothered to tell you where he’s going and when he’ll be back? I wouldn’t even tolerate that in a stroppy teenager never mind a so called ‘partner’

If anything you are under reacting OP, I’d chuck him out so fast his feet wouldn’t touch the ground.

Please dont feel silly! Youve had the guts to stand back and look at the situation with clarity and now you’re taking positive action.

I wouldn’t call that silly. I’d call that superb.

Ugh! definitely right to get rid! He's bringing you nothing but work and sadness!

Total cocklodger and likely cheat to boot!

Get rid and get some therapy to work out why you put up with this for as long as you have and to avoid finding yourself in the same position in the future

What the hell is there to be "grateful" for? He does precious little for you! And I'm willing to bet he times the little he does when you're getting fed up with him to draw you back in!

Financially you'll be BETTER off with him gone - do a quick calculation - his share of bills compared to the little he occasionally spends on food etc - think that might give you the awakening you need!

How much electric, hot water, food etc does he use? Have you increased tv package for him?

Seriously I bet you'll find you've been massively subbing him!

I dumped an aspiring cocklodger last year...very upsetting at the time...wonderful and liberating now. You don't realise how much they are gaslighting and leeching off you slowly and quietly until they are gone. Then there is a wow moment when you weigh up what you get from a relationship compared to have you give. Be careful, there are a lot of men (and women) out there looking for someone to live off...it is an expensive world and they will make good use of your food cupboards, your utility services and your housing to save themselves a few quid. Get some counselling (your GP can sort that), it helped me a lot with how I deal with relationships going forward!

You are not his mother, you are his partner. Remember that.

Sorry OP I would have lost my shit if he wouldn't answer the phone but texts. Massive red flag. Definitely doesn't want you seeing where he actually is.

I had an ex who was similar and I did the crazy girl thing and asked for a picture of the pub... well that's why he's an ex.

You deserve better. No one deserves to be treated like that.