To be upset and think about ending the relationship?

[Donnat89]

So I am a mum of 2 children , I have a partner (children are not his they are from a previous relationship )

Anyway we’ve been together a few years and live together .

But I am so fed up ! He does nothing around the house literally nothing I feel like I have another child .

Now I would get this if I was a stay at home mum but I am not I work too , I’m not asking him to spring clean the house but he can’t even load his dirty dishes into the dish washer just leaves it for me to do , will see the bin over flowing and again leave me to do it , leaves rubbish laying around all the time and again I get left to do it . I have talked to him loads of times about how much this bothers me and how I would like it if he helped around the house more so he said he will pack his washing away 3 weeks his washing has sat waiting. To be packed away he hasn’t even attempted to do it

He is self employed so doesn't work everyday and many times recently I've come home from work and he's done NOTHING not a thing and has created more mess than was left that morning .

Also Friday just gone he went go karting with his friends and he said he was goin pub after this is fine by me He needs his space just like me . It got to about midnight though and I hadn’t heard from him so I tried to call he didn’t answer he then messaged me so I text back again I didn’t get a reply so I tried to call again and he refused to even answer the phone to me he didn’t come home that night or return my calls but could send messages no problem this isn’t the first time he’s acted like that either !

He appeared yesterday afternoon but went straight upstairs and I didn’t see him for the rest of the night .

This morning he’s trying to act Like nothings happened and doesn’t understand why I’m so upset apparently I’m a cunt for this and he’s stormed out again yet again not cleaning up after himself

I am so fed up it doesn’t matter how much I try to talk to him about the stuff he does that upsets me he swears to change and never does

He has good qualities and can be thoughtful etc but I’m at the point where I’m so fed up with our day to day life’s I feel Like he doesn’t listen to and doesn’t seem to care how any of this makes me feel .

I’ve told him I don’t want this relationship anymore but he thinks I’m over reacting I just don’t know what to do anymore am I over reacting ? Am I giving him too much of a hard time . I feel so deflated at the moment I don't even know if I'm right to be upset !

Sorry for the long post ! X

@Donnat89

Thanks ladies

I was single for years before this and never struggled and I don't ever remember feeling this miserable

We are not married so it would be uncomplicated to split

Financially I do it all anyway so again I wouldn't be screwed anyway

Weird thing is I've sat and I've thought about this all before I've even said all this to him as others have said he just displays a total lack of respect for me in every way possible

And it's damaging me it is starting to damage my mental health if it wasn't i wouldn't even be asking if I was over reacting I would have got shot of him

Once he's back in telling him I'm done I can't do this anymore I am done with the empty promises the laziness the total lack of consideration and respect I'm better of alone and I do know that now time to do what I need to do xx

Make a start by packing his bags ready for him.

And don't give in to any "where will I go" bullshit. I'm sure he can find somewhere. Make sure you get your keys off him before he leaves, and maybe consider changing the locks in case.

He is the very epitome of the word cocklodger.

Do a Marie Kondo on him - does he bring you joy? No.
As my gran would have said, he is neither use nor ornament. Get rid of him and you will be a whole lot happier.

Sounds like pure drudgery. I doubt he will take you seriously if you tell him to go. Do you think he will leave easily?

Please remember, you don't need his 'permission' or agreement to end the relationship.

It takes two people to make a relationship, and one person to break it.

I've no doubt he'll try first to patronise you out of ending it ('this is ridiculous, I can't believe you're going nuclear over something so minor), then try to charm you (I'm sorry darling, you're right, give me one more chance, here, look at the pretty flowers/perfume/meal out), and then get extremely cranky if you don't buckle and continue to allow him to effectively freeload and treat you as the unpaid skivvy while he does whatever the hell he likes without giving you the courtesy of even a pretense of any kind of respect or regard for you.

I hope you don't let him. You sound like you're worth so much more than the value he is placing on you. He sounds so worthless in comparison.

Stop raising him, he's not your son!

Well he found somewhere to stay last night, tell him to go back there.

Locks on, bags outside. You owe him absolutely nothing.

Good for you OP. He’ll never change. Get rid. You’ll be upset and a bit sad at first then you’ll be sitting looking around your lovely clean home thinking, I’m so glad I don’t have to clean up after that lazy pig any more. I’m so glad I don’t have to pretend everything’s okay when he upsets me so I don’t have to deal with his anger. I’m so glad I’m not still sitting here questioning myself because I was right, I was always right. X

He doesn't care, he doesn't listen,he does his own thing, and he makes you unhappy. You will have some peace and a better life, when he has gone.

Have his gear bagged up to avoid a protracted goodbye.

Your poor children having him as their male role model.

Yes your right il just get the usual crap if I let him in , so will why his stuff outside and lock the doors xx

If you havent any boxes - look on marketplace or freecycle. Then go round and stick everything in boxes - much faster than bags. Move on OP for you / your children. Book locks to be changed for sure.

I just read this and my first thought was start packing his stuff up now. If you are finished before he gets back text him and let him know it's over and is stuff is outside waiting for him.

I'd recommend having a couple friends with you too when he gets back, moral support and back up should he get arsey.

Good on you. I suspect that if you talk to your children once you've kicked him out, they will most likely tell you that they are relieved he has gone.

just get rid, he'll never change.

Hi ladies just getting his stuff together now I've called my mum and steps dad (my stepdad will be able to change the locks )

Mum wasn't shocked she knows I've been unhappy for a while and not myself .

I'm so glad I posted I feel so much better for it and as all have said tomorrow can be my fresh start I don't need this crap anymore it isn't fair I would rather be on my own than live like this it's a joke

Thank you all so much for your honesty I cannot explain how much that means to me xx

Sounds like you're not compatible mainly because you're a mother with 2 kids and he doesn't have any. He wants to live a carefree single life, not be part of a (your) family. I'd ditch him and find someone more mature.

I'm glad you have the support of your family now, I expect they will do all they can to help
Well done.

Good luck OP. You're doing the right thing. Great idea for your mum and stepdad to be there. Change the locks, dump his stuff, your freedom begins NOW!

Good luck OP. You've done the right thing. Today is the beginning of the rest of your new life.

He brings nothing of any consequence to your life. In fact he seems to drain your life of joy

You're right to get rid and change the locks

Get him off any bills like council tax and the electoral register too

Excellent decision OP! Great that you have a supportive family.

I'm sure you are making the right decision for you but also for your children who probably dislike him.

So pleased you have come to this decision. Life will be so much sweeter for not being dragged down by him.

I’m glad your family are supportive IRL to get rid of this drain . You just have to think to yourself what do I get from this relationship from time to time and I think we’re all agreed on here if the answer is nothing then it’s time to find better . I hope you do find someone who looks after you at least as much as you look after them . Or if not have some fun Looking !

There's nothing les tricoteuses like more than sitting in their smug little worlds ,telling a poster to ditch a man.

Here's an option....get some counselling for yourself or as a pair.