Apparently he's surprised workmen would beep at me.

[shellydolls]

Me and boyfriend went for a walk yesterday. He has a habit of walking miles in front of me as he doesn't notice if I've stopped for any reason.
I did stop to read a message on my phone so as expected he was still walking on ahead.

Anyway, a white van drove past and some men were whistling and making noises at me. I felt extremely embarrassed!

Boyfriend then turned round and noticed I was a bit behind him. He looked behind me and across the road and then said ' were they whistling at you? '
I replied yes.
He seemed genuinely confused.
He then went on to say ' I don't know why they would whistle at you for as you haven't exactly done yourself up'.

Admittedly, I was just dressed very casually and only brushed my hair to go out.

Now I know the workmen could have very likely been taking the piss and thought they'd do it for a laugh. That's how I've been made to feel anyway.

So was my boyfriend unreasonable to say what he did, or was I for not just laughing it off?

*"The biggest problem for me is that it betrays his belief that only women who are 'done up' will be harassed in the street. Or to put it another way - women who 'were asking for it'. Who, in his eyes, had deliberately dressed in a way that invited sexual attention.

When faced with proof that this is not the case, that all that is required to be sexually harassed is to be female, it did not strike him that maybe women are harassed merely for being women; no, instead he turns it on the harassed woman that since she is not 'done up' THERE MUST STILL BE A REASON SHE WAS HARASSED AND THEREFORE SHE HAS DONE SOMETHING FOR IT TO STILL BE HER FAULT HE JUST DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT WAS."
*
This is just one of many examples of making up / projecting apparent opinions onto the bf. When you say " to put it another way" you basically mean "to add my own assumptions on top".

The bf expressed surprise that OP was catcalled while not 'done up'. That is a fact. All the rest of the stuff in here is hugely extrapolated. I would also be surprised if I was cat called when not done up. I do think it happens more often when women are done up - certainly in my experience. Since the men who do it are objectifying cavemen that makes some sense. That does not mean I am misogynist. It does not mean I think I am not attractive when I am not done up. It does not mean I think catcalling is ok. It does not mean I think that women who are 'done up' are asking for it or deserve it in any way. It does not mean I think if a woman who is not done up is catcalled then she must have done something else to deserve it. These are all just invented assumptions on top of the basic surprise the bf expressed.

OP, I would certainly have a conversation with your bf to ask him what he did mean, what he believes, and educate him if necessary/ you see fit about how you feel about these things and how he made you feel in that moment. If he is unreceptive or it becomes clear he does believe the obnoxious things people are suggesting here then you have some hard decisions at that point.

Finally, I just want to point out that the way the OP has been spoken to, judged, told she thinks and feels things she doesn't and had her own opinion completely dismissed in this thread by many posters is just as disrespectful than anything the white van men or bf have done - which we are apparently all so appalled by.

When my son was 15 he had longish skater boy hair and it was blonde.

We were walking back from the local pub one early evening and son and my other son were walking ahead of us together.

Blonde son stopped as his laces had come undo so he bent over (arse in the air in skinny jeans) when a car went past with young lads in and they beeped and Wey-heyed him.

Me and DP were in hysterics, the lads in the car would have been mortified if the realised they had catcalled a boy 😂

I wont mention the walking infront of you thing.

I would be uncomfortable with what he says. It shows that he has no idea what it's like to be a woman and that the whole me too movement passed him by completely. Its shows that he thinks that men beep at women to compliment them rather than intimidate and laugh at them jumping. It then also crosses into the train of thought that only attractive women get raped and that women dress for attention from men, if a women is raped it might be connected to what they're wearing etc. Also implies he didnt think you were 'worth' being beeped at since you hadn't 'made an effort'. All concerning trains of thought in my opinion

Yeah, 'you're not attractive enough to be hassled by men in a white van (in my totally-lacking-any-knowledge-about-street-harrassment-of-women point of view)' is a shitty put-down. He's negging you. He wants you to feel grateful that he shows any interest in you.

Your bf's just a dick. Plain and simple....i would have answered him back "yeah, i agree theres noway they would acknowledge me, must have been you they were eying up"

The negging might be deliberate, or just a reflexive portrayal of his underlying attitudes. Either way, not good news.

@BitOfFun

Why are you looking for validation from white van men? Is it anything to do with your boyfriend ignoring you and being dismissive and rude?

Where in the OP's message did it say that she was looking for Validation? She clearly stated that she felt "extremely embarrassed!"

Some people need to learn to read a full post

Leaving aside the politics of the cat calling.....

The fact that he is genuinely surprised that you are "beep worthy" speaks volumes about how he sees you, or rather doesnt see you anymore.

Sounds like he takes you for granted and is wondering why, if he doesnt see you, anyone else would notice you either.

Ignorant men beep at women to intimidate them and demean as sexual objects, not because they seriously fancy their chances.

Your boyfriend needs to educate himself about everyday sexism.

Every cloud has a silver lining...you can find yourself a really hot bit on the side and he won't notice even if you come home smelling of expensive aftershave. 😜

His comment was wrong, OP. He was surprised at why would anyone whistle at you because in his opinion, you didn't look nice enough to deserve a whistle.

@WhatifIfeellikeacat

His comment was wrong, OP. He was surprised at why would anyone whistle at you because in his opinion, you didn't look nice enough to deserve a whistle.

This is how I interpreted it too.

I'd say, "Yes, it's horrible, isn't it? You probably don't realise this happens to women and girls ALL THE TIME and we hate it. And you really thought men only harass women who are dressed up, on the grounds that 'she was asking for it' or 'she must like the attention'?"

Your boyfriend is a dick, and I can tell you that it doesn't matter what a woman looks like, I'm plain and overweight and I still get beeped at and catcalled. It's not a compliment, in no way do they find me attractive. They're making fun of me. You could have a face like the back end of a bus - not saying you do - but if you're visibly female, you get catcalled.