Apparently he's surprised workmen would beep at me.

[shellydolls]

Me and boyfriend went for a walk yesterday. He has a habit of walking miles in front of me as he doesn't notice if I've stopped for any reason.
I did stop to read a message on my phone so as expected he was still walking on ahead.

Anyway, a white van drove past and some men were whistling and making noises at me. I felt extremely embarrassed!

Boyfriend then turned round and noticed I was a bit behind him. He looked behind me and across the road and then said ' were they whistling at you? '
I replied yes.
He seemed genuinely confused.
He then went on to say ' I don't know why they would whistle at you for as you haven't exactly done yourself up'.

Admittedly, I was just dressed very casually and only brushed my hair to go out.

Now I know the workmen could have very likely been taking the piss and thought they'd do it for a laugh. That's how I've been made to feel anyway.

So was my boyfriend unreasonable to say what he did, or was I for not just laughing it off?

@ukgift2016

So you think it's ok and 'normal' for someone to walk ahead of you? What is the point of you both going for a walk together if it appears he is embarrassed to be seen with you?

How is he embarrassed?

I agree that he should go for a walk on his own as he likes to keep a pace up whereas sometimes I do need to stop. The walking is part of his exercise so keeping stopping isn't good.

I think we will do separate walks from now on.

Jesus, that was nasty of him. And yes, it isn't normal for a partner to constantly not care where his girlfriend is when he's supposed to be walking together.

Eh? So this is just exercise? How does he regularly walk with you? What do you make of him dismissing your general attractiveness? (Not that this is reliant on sexist wankers, btw).

It is strange he walks ahead, maybe he's worried about who will see you together. His comment was also harsh, reasons could range from him being insecure and trying to bring you back down a few pegs through to genuinely feeling that way. Either way, Ew.

My partner also has a habit of ‘running’ on our walks and I get left behind! He then notices and waits, it’s not that he’s embarrassed to be seen with me he just naturally walks faster and after all these years I cba to trot to keep up.

It was a dick thing for him to say but perhaps it came out wrong and he didn’t realise men will beep at any female whether she’s wearing a cocktail dress or not.
I remember it happening when my partner had stopped to put something in a bin and I had walked ahead. I got cat called from a car and he was really shocked that it actually happens in real life!

I think a lot of men don't understand. They think that women who get honked at are "asking for it" by dolling themselves up and dressing in a sexy way.

I wonder... if you had been dressed up, what would he have thought of the honking then? Would he have thought it was your fault for dressing that way?

I would have said 'No, they were whistling at you not me.'

So much unpleasant male behaviour described here.

Sexist dickheads in vans thinking it's acceptable to judge women on their appearance, and then leer/shout at them.

Your boyfriend thinking it's acceptable to walk miles ahead of you on a walk, and conditioning you to think that's okay because he "has a lot on his mind".

Your boyfriend telling you aren't attractive enough to warrant attention from other men (however unsolicited or sexist in its expression).

It seems weird that he walks without you, but that wasn’t what you were asking about.

Your boyfriend was rude about your appearance. Perhaps he was intimidated or annoyed that you were beeped at, but he’s handled it by trying to make you feel bad about the way you had presented yourself.

A good partner wouldn’t knock you down regardless of how he feels.

I agree that a lot of men don't seem to understand that some men routinely toot and catcall at any woman at all walking along the road. But your partner walking ahead of you is not a nice thing to do, and his surprise that any man would bother with you (ignoring the fact that it's pathetic arseholes) is insulting.

’I don't know why they would whistle at you for as you haven't exactly done yourself up'. this is very telling. Catcalling is ok, it’s a compliment. He sounds really unpleasant. Men just don’t get it and any twat who responds like this is so not worth it. (I am also banging my head against a wall about posters on here thinking it is a compliment, ffs, what is wrong with you?)

(I am also banging my head against a wall about posters on here thinking it is a compliment, ffs, what is wrong with you?)

I don’t think it’s a compliment, but I’m focusing on her bfs reaction to the situation. He could have gotten angry on her behalf about how she had been treated, but instead chose to belittle her.

I definitely did not take the whistling as a compliment. It was very embarrassing and if I was on my own I would have felt very uncomfortable.

The fact my boyfriend walked on in front is not an issue to me. If he was stopping every now and then to check his phone I would be doing the same. I think some posters on here are trying to make an issue out of nothing.

He is not embarrassed to be seen walking with me.

It's not strange

It is strange.

Sounds like he needs educating on what it's like to be a woman. From what you've said it sounds like he won't be receptive to it, but then if that's the case you've got your answer about how he sees you.

I had a similar incident with my now husband, he didn't make a comment he was just completely confused about what had happened. I explained that I'd been having this sort of experience since I started secondary school and he was completely horrified to hear that. I specifically tried to dress so as not to attract this kind of attention and I still got it anyway.

If he's not willing to sit with the discomfort of hearing about your experiences as a woman, is he really supporting you in the way that you deserve?

So what’s your issue? That he disbelieves sexist catcalling happens to women? Or that he implied you were unattractive and/or somehow deserving of it if you were “dolled up”?

Can you put your finger on what made you uncomfortable enough to post here? Genuine question.

Your boyfriend doesn't sound particularly pleasant.

You go on a walk together but he walks off in front of you? That's hardly enjoying a walk together is it?!

He then tries to make you feel rubbish that some blokes cat called you.

That your boyfriend comes across as worse than random cat callers speaks volumes about him!

Not sure why you have got so defensive. His comment was horrible and the walking ahead is definitely a bad sign for me. My ex did it early on and he acted like he just did not enjoy spending time together as a couple.

I agree with @LittleCabbage 100%

Wow he sounds like a delight.

Also what’s the point in posting a question if you’re going to go against everybody’s reply?!

Well he's totally missed the point that you were cat catcalled because you were perceived to be alone and therefore fair game.

It's got nothing to do with how you are dressed.
He was very dismissive and sounds like a knob

@LittleCabbage

So much unpleasant male behaviour described here.

Sexist dickheads in vans thinking it's acceptable to judge women on their appearance, and then leer/shout at them.

Your boyfriend thinking it's acceptable to walk miles ahead of you on a walk, and conditioning you to think that's okay because he "has a lot on his mind".

Your boyfriend telling you aren't attractive enough to warrant attention from other men (however unsolicited or sexist in its expression).

This - sexism. Lots of it.

If he constantly walked off when we were out for a walk together I’d go home. It's common courtesy to walk at the pace of the slower walker not stride off as if he’s the one in charge.

Not nice attitude
But I’m sure my husband would do and say the same