to expect my dad to give me the same as sister

[HerNameWasEliza]

Sister and I are both married. One child each. Her household income is much larger than ours (say 8-10k take home a year more). Sister had serious illness which was, thankfully, not life threatening but meant she was unable to work for about 6 months. Her partner was able to carry on working with maybe only a slight drop in income. Partner is the major earner, bringing in about 2/3 of the family income. They have not joined their finances together.

Sister wants our dad to give her money and thinks I'll be OK not getting the same too as these are special circumstances. I said we have had periods with very little income, though this was dry up in our business related and not ill health and dad did not give us money then. She said that's different.

AIBU to think that if dad gives her money he 'should' give me the same too? (I'm not after his money btw, I would never ask him for cash and would never expect him to share what he has earnt). Or am I being a CF for thinking I deserve the same when my sister has been really ill and that affected their income? (they had no illness insurance BTW. Could have afforded it but it's expensive and they decided to enjoy the extra cash instead).

YABU - your dad should help sister our and give her money he doesn't give you. Her situation is unique.
YANBU - 'fairness' is still important and if he gives her cash he should give you the same.

Thanks @Lollypop701 and @cptartapp

Yes I think you've understood the issue and it's not that I am grabby and expect money. If someone 'needs' money because they spent what they had on luxuries, are they entitled to it in some way? Does the fact that the need has come about because of illness have any bearing on how we might see that?

Life's full of ups and downs and people have to cut their cloth accordingly. They also live with the consequences of their choices, i.e., no insurance. Do they have it now?
No parent should ever dole out money to one child they can't afford to give to another.
Maybe our longstanding experience of unfairness and favouritism to SIL which has since extended to GC taints my opinion.

No parent should ever dole out money to one child they can't afford to give to another

That’s a fairly black and white statement to be making. Surely it depends on context.

This is so odd. Why would your father give her money? She's an adult in her own home. If their finances are separate and she is struggling she should perhaps seek advice or a loan.

I would rather give my children money than them take out a loan and pay loads of interest!

Why on earth is your dsis angry at your ddad for.l not helping out, she should be angry at her dh for not stepping up. It’s not your ddad job to top up her income, it’s her dh’s job

I’d be pissed off to if I were you, but again at her dh

OP accepts that any money is between her father and sister.

She is not looking for handouts.

The father is showing no signs of offering.

The issue here is purely that the sister is cross that her father hasn't offered when she clearly thinks he should, and has basically told OP that she shouldn't expect the same too.

Based on what's been written since, I think the OP has phrased her first post badly when she says she should she get the same. Her issue isn't with her father, it's with the way the sister has dictated how she should feel and behave. There may be difficulties in the sister's marriage, and her DH definitely sounds an arse. But she went about it the wrong way. If she'd said to the OP that she was really struggling, that the only way she could see out of it was to have some money from their father and would the OP be OK with that if she didn't get the same, I suspect Op would have been absolutely fine and not given it a second thought.

@Feedingthebirds1

You're right. I don't think I did phrase it well at all. If my sister was up against it even with her OH doing what he should, I would not begrudge her the help she needed and if my dad only have enough to help her, I would not expect him to give her half what she needed in order that I could have the other half. And no, then I'd not give it a second thought - other than to worry about my sister as I would not want to see her really struggle.

How other people run their finances is none of anyone else's business.
If dad wants to help her out that's his choice
If she and her other half don't share their finances that is their choice
If she /they didn't save for a rainy day that's up to them
This has nothing to do with you.

I just can't get my head around thinking it's ok to ask her Dad for money instead of sorting it out with her DH as soon as her income started falling. This hasn't happened overnight.

If the situation was "DH refuses to cover my expenses please help" it would be different but the truth is she thinks her Dad should sub her rather than sort out the financial abuse within her marriage.

I hope she grows up and divorces him tbh.

You sound incredibly selfish. This isn't about you, it's got nothing to do with you and it's none of your business so keep out of it.

It’s your dads money. I think it’s up to him how he spends it or who it gives it to.

How would you feel if someone expressed an opinion on how you spend /save your money?

I think that your DSis has a DH problem and not a money one. As a household they have the money to cover the bills, so they should be covering it as a household. It sounds like they are living more like flatmates with benefits rather than a married couple.

My sister in law gets given money and we don’t. Entirely the prerogative of her parents. None of our business.

@Toastyapples I don't think you have understood. Of course i8none of my business but my sister started this conversation with me. I am not sticking my beak in. I am making sense of my thoughts in relation to what my sister said to me.