To be disappointed by this 40th birthday gift from my friends?

[bdaydisappoint]

Basically, I've known this particular group of 8 friends including me since school (almost 30 years now!!) and I'm the last of the group to hit the big 40. We had a lovely socially distanced picnic in the park yesterday where they excitedly gave me... a gift box full of Tropic stuff.

One of the girls has recently become a Tropic ambassador and honestly, she's become quite obsessed. It feels like every conversation winds back to Tropic somehow and she keeps asking everyone if they'd like to host pamper parties (so much fun and a great chance to catch up with wine if nothing else! ). I dislike all MLM type selling on principle so have always excused myself from the parties (all via Zoom in this covid-19 world). However, I haven't outright told her I'm not interested, so tbf she won't know my true feelings on it.

There's two reasons I feel a bit let down. Firstly, it's just so generic and impersonal. For all of the other girls' 40ths, we've tried to give gifts personal to the birthday girl in question e.g. the gin lover got a fancy gin masterclass, the musical theatre fan got tickets to a West End show (obviously these were pre-pandemic), the avid reader got a book subscription etc etc. A skin care set just isn't, well, 'me' really. I'm not especially into beauty stuff and I've never expressed a desire to try tropic. Secondly, it just irks me that my Tropic selling friend has probably got paid commission and this might be the main reason for the gift choice. It's not about the money (knowing how expensive Tropic stuff is, I think they've actually spent a lot! ) it's more the lack of thought considering we've made an effort to do personal presents for everyone else. And also having MLM products forced upon me when I've been actively avoiding them!

AIBU and a horrible, terrible and ungrateful friend? Or am I right to feel disappointed by this? For info, I tried not to let my feelings show and did thank them all. In the end, it was a minor blip in what was otherwise a truly wonderful day.

I actually love tropic, but agree this is impersonal as all your other friends hot thoughtful gifts.
I love the suggestion someone put on here to re gift and give back to them on their birthdays. Hahahah
You are not being unreasonable xxx

OP YANBU. But when a y friend joins an MLM, they are entering a cult and it sounds like your friends felt they had no choice but to support her.

I'd be very tempted at least to ask what I'd said or done to make them think that skin care was my "thing".

Shit present. I'd be really sad. There must be one of the eight who had doubts about this?? (And didn't speak up/was shut down)
Are you in a group chat together? I would have to say something like "I really enjoyed our picnic, thanks for everything, it was a birthday to remember! About the gift, I am really happy right now with the skin care products that I use and am not looking to introduce anything new to my regime. I will give it to INSERT HUN BOT NAME HERE and see if she wants to use it for raffles, or if any of you would like some of it, you could speak to her? Thank you for the thought and I hope you understand. I was totally spoiled by all by friends and family, lucky me!"

I would be disappointed too but it was also a significant birthday for me recently. I got ALOT of food and some beauty products too. Everyone knows I am trying to lose weight to get my BMI down and I don’t wear makeup so not into beauty either.
But I just think people are struggling to think of presents at this time. The two presents you mention for your other friends were both experiences.
One thing I would say is I would be doubtful if she charged everyone commission. I suspect she told your other friends she wouldn’t which is why you got so much stuff and prob one of the selling points to them as the commission is about 25 percent or something. That said even without earning the commission putting so much through her order total for the month would have had a benefit for her.

That's completely rubbish and you are right to feel disappointed. I've recently had a birthday and have received two absolutely shite presents, I wish people wouldn't bother.

Can you not ask if it can be returned? Surely you are long standing friends enough that no one is insulted if someone can't use a present? Like if the gin girl said she was now teatotal?
And here it is an easy return? As one lady owns the shop. Just say it's (or similar stuff) brought you out in a rash before so can't use it unfortunately. Or mention it to closest friends that you can't use it so what should you do?
I'd assume they have some return policy in their website you can invoke?

I’d be tempted to suggest doing Secret Santa this Christmas so you can send your gift back to its thoughtless donor.

Even if there's no commission the MLM member will always get rank points, as will their upline. These theoriticaly turn into profit long term, although in reality almost everyone loses money in an MLM no matter how hard they work or how positive their mindset is.

When people start MLMs their friends become profit opportunities. That's how the system works. They make sales to their friends and family, which profits the upline. Friends and family will only buy so much though so most will drop out after a few months.

If OP doesn't want every birthday and Christmas present in her friend group to be MLM stuff for a few years, the best thing to do would be to return it to the MLMer. That might shame her into stopping earlier.

I honestly came here thinking you are being unreasonable but no you’re definitely not!

Please don’t be put out OP, given the current situation they were probably a bit stuck on what personalised-gift you may be able to use and how long for. Tropic friend would have jumped on this and in the lack of more suitable ideas it would have been hard to say no to!

Sorry you were disappointed .I would be too ,TBH! One thing did occur to me though .Have any of your friends been furloughed, or lost their jobs due to Covid? Maybe they couldnt all afford to pay a lot at the moment .I do feel for you, its my big birthday soon .(A bit bigger than yours I think!) and we were due to see our friends in the US ,That has now been put on ice . Maybe see if you can flog it on EBay (discreetly!) and treat yourself to something nice?

Yes, unfortunately the inertia of lockdown has met with the drive of the MLM seller and she has hijacked your birthday gift for her own purposes. I think your mates might have thought it rude to say no...particularly if she was persuasive and insistent as these people tend to be. They are instructed on how to turn a no into a yes...and they’re shameless about it.

@LaViudaNegra

Shit present. I'd be really sad. There must be one of the eight who had doubts about this?? (And didn't speak up/was shut down) Are you in a group chat together? I would have to say something like "I really enjoyed our picnic, thanks for everything, it was a birthday to remember! About the gift, I am really happy right now with the skin care products that I use and am not looking to introduce anything new to my regime. I will give it to INSERT HUN BOT NAME HERE and see if she wants to use it for raffles, or if any of you would like some of it, you could speak to her? Thank you for the thought and I hope you understand. I was totally spoiled by all by friends and family, lucky me!"

This sounds very reasonable and I would be tempted to do it otherwise - as many pps have said - you will be getting Tropic for every Christmas/birthday from now on.

Think carefully before you go ahead though; do anything rather than spoil some good friendships. They are worth more than a gift, irritating though all this has been.

Totally agree arrivederla.

its my big birthday soon .(A bit bigger than yours I think!

Curious as to what you think makes a birthday bigger? You are going to be older than OP or 18 / 21 / 100? 😁

With the gift OP says she thinks they spent a lot.

Think carefully before you go ahead though; do anything rather than spoil some good friendships. They are worth more than a gift, irritating though all this has been.

I sort of agree, but in this case, I think fuck it. Surely, they not all going to dump the OP for not liking her crap gift. I think they'd probably be jealous that she had the balls to say something though.

My mum often gives me some skincare for my birthday but it is always with other things and lovely brands that I'd never buy myself.

My friends bought me a fire pit for my 40th which I was delighted with!

I think you've done the right thing in being gracious. I would though try to tell one of my friends how I was allergic to the products in order to avoid future gifts. Or can you say at the next persons birthday when she suggests it 'oh no, she might be allergic like me'.

I hate MLM stuff.

I bet the Tropic bot saw an opportunity to make a big sale and persuaded the others that they would get loads for their money as she’d not charge full retail price and forgo her ‘profit’. She might even have told them that you’d expressed an interest in the products and what a lovely treat it would be for you. It’s amazing how bots learn to twist the truth once they are in the cult.
If the rest of the friends were unaware of how MLMs operate they might have welcomed her idea, not realising that she wasn’t being honest or altruistic at all because shifting those products will have helped her in her rank/ promotion/ targets.

I’m not sure what I would do now about it - you know your friends best - but you could ask one of them subtly if the bot had suggested that you’d told her you would welcome a load of her products as a present (There is evidence in anti MLM groups of bots behaving like this, contacting OHs to convince them to buy stuff for their partners because they’ve said they’d love it). That’s the bit that turns it into manipulation and that would make me furious

On the other hand, you might like to leave well alone as life is too short and you value the friendships

I bet you will all get Tropic stuff for Christmas by the way!! Unless she’s seen the light by then.

Surely, they not all going to dump the OP for not liking her crap gift. I think they'd probably be jealous that she had the balls to say something though.

Somebody has to make a stand or the MLM bot will dominate every single gift event and they'll all end up with stuff they resent. It's the MLM that is in danger of wrecking these friendships not the maintenance of good boundaries that they're friends, not MLM bot's cash cows.

Danielle came for her visit and a coffee. We hadn’t seen each other for a good couple of weeks, so it was great to see her and find out how things were going. However, there was this niggling little feeling lurking in the back of my mind. It was the impulse to drive the conversation away from finding out how Danielle was doing, and push her to instead try out my makeup. [Chapter 6]

I felt almost ashamed of myself. It was like I wasn’t even absorbing what she was saying, just waiting for my moment to jump in and talk about this amazing opportunity I’d undertaken.

Former MLM bot: ellebeaublog.com/poonique/

Tropic Bot used to be your friend.

But she's Tropic's friend now, and Tropic comes first.

That's how MLMs operate, unfortunately.

Yes, your bot friend has used your birthday as a chance to boost her credits in her MLM and it sounds like your other friends need educating about MLM or some assertiveness training! Expect more of this behaviour and more Tropic as gifts. Sadly, as mentioned above she has entered what experts call a “commercial cult” (however much Susan Ma tries to position Tropic as different from the others).

Right now the Direct Selling Association (the organisation that promotes the interests of MLM) is trying to position MLM as a harmless side hustle with trusted companies that is risk free and will guarantee a few hundred profit each month. It’s a lie but it is working at the moment due to job loss and instability in the current climate. Those sign ups are highly likely to fall into further debt and alienate themselves from their social group. After all research shows around 99.7% of people signing up to MLM lose money. The ONLY was to make money in MLM is to build a huge downline and profit from what your downlines purchase but to do that you’ve got to abandon your moral compass and be prepared to exploit everyone. your friend @bdaydisappoint will either drop out believing that she doesn’t have what it takes or she’ll start recruiting (and probably still fail). And there’s a good chance that when she does stop Tropic she’ll fall into another MLM. What is guaranteed is that her friends won’t ever feel quite the same about her again and that’s sad.

I’d claim allergy and hand it back so you’ll be off the list in future. I’d then nail her to a chair and make her watch/read this (only half joking): Secrets of the Multi-Level Millionaires: Ellie Undercover, Secrets of the Multi-Level Millionaires: Ellie Undercover: www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/p076n2hg via @bbciplayer

www.mlmtruth.org

It depends what your expectations are as a group, my friends and I don't tend to give each other gifts just cards or we'll buy each other a drink.
But it's true people can get sooooooo boring about MLM selling. I have at least three friends I'm avoiding until they get over it.
You just know every single invitation will involve some kind of product selling and I don't want any of these products.

"Surely, they not all going to dump the OP for not liking her crap gift. I think they'd probably be jealous that she had the balls to say something though."

Well if they are getting pressured into buying stuff & thought well the Op needs to be forced to have it as well then they are as horrible as the seller-especially as they all had thoughtful presents tailored to them!

It reminds me of when my friend 'sold' accumulated unwanted dust-gathering bottles of Forever Living products. My bathroom became her Forever Living warehouse. Every birthday. Every Christmas. It finally stopped!

It's not like we should expect big, fancy gifts. It's the thought that counts, especially during covid times where people are really struggling financially. But the problem, OP, is that no thought was put into this. Your friend gifted you her agenda. And I find that really thoughtless and inconsiderate. 40 is a milestone birthday. And any birthday, but particularly your 40th, deserves more thought and love put into the gift. I can't believe that all of your friends were ok with the Tropic themed gift. They all just caved to your Tropic mate's agenda. That would really, really, really grate. I would be so annoyed if a group of friends gifted me a bounty of my friend's Forever Living crap.
That Forever Living phase absolutely tested our friendship to the edges of survival. My dear friend is godmother to my children. She's a really important person to us. But even I stopped seeing her as much because I thought, "I can't handle being strongarmed into spending loads of money I don't have on loads of products I really dislike." I wouldn't spend that money on products I love, so why would I flush money away on products I loathe?
She's now moving off to Cornwall because there's nothing and nobody left for her here in our neck of the woods, apparently. She absolutely isolated herself and pushed people away with her sojourn into the life-ruining MLM bullshit. How to isolate yourself and lose people. It's sad. I absolutely hold Forever Living responsible for Forever Ruining my friend's happiness.

good idea on donating it to a food bank - but PLEASE - keep one piece back to regift to the brainwashed tropic seller.
Agree that in current situation, the topic rep probably aggressively pushed the others into this.
Gift aside, glad that you had a good day