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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be disappointed by this 40th birthday gift from my friends?

408 replies

bdaydisappoint · 25/07/2020 19:43

Basically, I've known this particular group of 8 friends including me since school (almost 30 years now!!) and I'm the last of the group to hit the big 40. We had a lovely socially distanced picnic in the park yesterday where they excitedly gave me... a gift box full of Tropic stuff.

One of the girls has recently become a Tropic ambassador and honestly, she's become quite obsessed. It feels like every conversation winds back to Tropic somehow and she keeps asking everyone if they'd like to host pamper parties (so much fun and a great chance to catch up with wine if nothing else! Hmm). I dislike all MLM type selling on principle so have always excused myself from the parties (all via Zoom in this covid-19 world). However, I haven't outright told her I'm not interested, so tbf she won't know my true feelings on it.

There's two reasons I feel a bit let down. Firstly, it's just so generic and impersonal. For all of the other girls' 40ths, we've tried to give gifts personal to the birthday girl in question e.g. the gin lover got a fancy gin masterclass, the musical theatre fan got tickets to a West End show (obviously these were pre-pandemic), the avid reader got a book subscription etc etc. A skin care set just isn't, well, 'me' really. I'm not especially into beauty stuff and I've never expressed a desire to try tropic. Secondly, it just irks me that my Tropic selling friend has probably got paid commission and this might be the main reason for the gift choice. It's not about the money (knowing how expensive Tropic stuff is, I think they've actually spent a lot! Blush) it's more the lack of thought considering we've made an effort to do personal presents for everyone else. And also having MLM products forced upon me when I've been actively avoiding them! Sad

AIBU and a horrible, terrible and ungrateful friend? Or am I right to feel disappointed by this? For info, I tried not to let my feelings show and did thank them all. In the end, it was a minor blip in what was otherwise a truly wonderful day.

OP posts:
Oblomov20 · 26/07/2020 06:51

This would hack me off. The lack of thought. And I would tell one of them at one point, just that.
"That I was saddened by the lack of thought and it had prompted me to question whether they all knew me at all".

CodenameVillanelle · 26/07/2020 07:00

@GlummyMcGlummerson

A mum from my kids' school - who has spent the last 4 years looking down as I passed her on the school run - is suddenly being super pally with me. I get a message nearly every day from her. She's also started working for Tropic Hmm and the way in which she turns EVERY conversation round to Tropic is honestly deserving of some sort of award. "Have you been out in the sun lately? " "Yes we were out in it all day yesterday haven't we had lovely weather". "Tropic do an AMAZING sun care range!". WTF where did that come from?!

I'll admit I've tried some of the stuff and some of it is good especially for sensitive skin - but £10 for a 200ml bottle of shower gel? Pffft. The "ambassadors" talk as if Tropic are the only chemical free beauty range - I can get a 400ml bottle of chemical free shower fell off Amazon for £3.50.

But am I right in thinking it's not strictly MLM in the way Younique etc is?? Or have I swallowed the Kool Aid there?

It's completely a MLM. The products are so expensive because everybody in the up line needs a cut. Also all shower gel is made with chemicals. Do you mean paraben/SLS free?
blitzen · 26/07/2020 07:06

Happy birthday, OP. YANBU. I would usually say 'it's the thought that counts' but I am honestly fed up with my Tropic friend. It has changed my feelings towards her, and I feel bad about that, but it does feel like she has joined a cult.

blitzen · 26/07/2020 07:11

Ps your tropic pal would probably rub her hands at the gift being returned - apparently buying sets and splitting them to sell individual products is a common tactic

HouchinBawbags · 26/07/2020 07:36

Come OP, it's the thought that counts!

Oh wait, but there was no thought. Except the thought of "Ooh I can make a few bob off this one!" By your MLM not friend.

I too would be annoyed. If the group didn't usually put a lot of thought into gifts and it's just random birthday and Christmas presents between you all it would be fine because (pre-JK Rowling row) I used to like Bodyshop gifts even if skincare isn't my thing and it's a MLM thing. As you say that gifts within your group are well thought out and personal to the receiver then you're right. Everyone else gets something they love and you got something a bit shit and of absolutely no use to you.

As it's Tropics stuff I would stick it on eBay or even Facebook and sell it. What money you make you can buy yourself something you'll love.

HouchinBawbags · 26/07/2020 07:38

"MLM bot friend" that should say but I think autocorrect nailed it anyway.

haveyoutriedgoogle · 26/07/2020 07:54

@Botpoke
Well clearly, myself, the OP, and the majority of other posters on this thread, disagree 🤷‍♀️

cologne4711 · 26/07/2020 07:58

Tropic stuff is actually really nice. Does the selling method actually matter?

CandidaAlbicans2 · 26/07/2020 08:01

YANBU, I'd have been disappointed too, especially as the others had presents that were personal to them. bdaydisappoint, would you say you're easy to buy for though? Do you have interests or hobbies that would've given your friends lots of ideas about what they could get you?

By any chance are you normally the person in the group who suggests and researches the thoughtful presents? I think those are the people who can get the raw end of a deal in a friendship group present cycle
I was wondering the same thing

CoffeeWithMyOxygen · 26/07/2020 08:04

@cologne4711

Tropic stuff is actually really nice. Does the selling method actually matter?
“Tropic stuff is actually really nice. Does it actually matter that the business model is deliberately preying on vulnerable people at at difficult time for the economy so they’re left in debt and isolated from their friends?”

Fixed that for you.

HouchinBawbags · 26/07/2020 08:10

@CoffeeWithMyOxygen

Can I also add:

"and OP doesn't even like Tropic or any other kind of skincare stuff anyway."

20viona · 26/07/2020 08:16

Yeah that's a shit present I'd be fuming. It's the thoughtlessness.

Justmuddlingalong · 26/07/2020 08:20

It's a bit of a double whammy. You received a gift you wouldn't normally use or buy, and the Tropics flogger will now be on your case for reorders. You're going to have to dodge the hard sell that's inevitably coming.

Justanotherwrinkle · 26/07/2020 08:21

You sound lovely
And you aren’t at all wrong to be a bit upset as it’s clearly not personal to you in the way all the other gifts were.

Could you very subtly ask another friend why they thought you’d like it? I bet she tells you they were bullied into it by MLM mate but I don’t think it would harm for them to know they should have stood firm on your behalf.

I’d be distancing myself from MLM mate. If her new found desire to make cash over rules a close friendship she isn’t one to stay close to.

runninguphills · 26/07/2020 08:31

Can you speak to your BOT friend. Explain that you unfortunately cannot use the products (already have skin care regime). Can she refund? Have a gift idea that you can spend the money on that you can tell her.

I know you should be graceous with gifts but tropic stuff is incredibly expensive and it's a complete waste of your friebds money.

Veganforlife · 26/07/2020 08:39

My friends bought me a huge fuck of plant for my 40th .
Every plant I have ever had dies.
I hate plants

I was disappointed because I thought they knew I don’t like plants ,so they either don’t listen to me ,or didn’t care I wouldn’t like the gift
But it’s not a big deal in the end

TomNook · 26/07/2020 08:40

I’d had to google Tropic.

3cats · 26/07/2020 08:43

It is utterly crap. I'd probably give it away and if one of the others asked me about it, I'd say something like it didn't really agree with you so you passed it on. My fear would be Christmas presents, etc. being the same.

AliceinBunnyland · 26/07/2020 08:54

You could say you have sensitive skin so can't use it and didn't want it to go to waste plus thought MLM friend could make use of it.

I wonder whether they would then get you something else.

Justanotherwrinkle · 26/07/2020 08:57

Yes that’s a good idea
Tell tropic friend you have sensitive skin and wouldn’t feel safe trying it
So pls can she refund

She can’t refuse that and you can tell other friends how delighted you are with the handbag etc you bought instead

allfalldown47 · 26/07/2020 08:58

I hope they're not on here! Pretty outing post if any of them are Confused
But I agree, it's a crappy gift!

Erictheavocado · 26/07/2020 08:59

YANBU.
OP has made it clear it's not about the money, it's about the lack of thought, it's about the fact that either these friends,after all these years, are unaware of her feelings about this type of marketing and the type of products, or worse, they don't care. I'm sure that the OP would have rather had a much less expensive, but thoughtful gift that was personal to her rather than a generic gift set. That sounds like the sort of thing that gets wrapped up and bunged under the Christmas tree just in case an unexpected visitor turns up with a gift.
My solution would be to regift it, one piece at a time, to my friends on their birthday. Id hen put the money I would have spent away and once id given everything back, I would use the money to buy myself something special and personal to me.
Flowers

FaceOfASpink · 26/07/2020 09:00

If you don't want Tropic stuff for every gift in future you'll have to knock it on the head now. Return it to her and tell her it gave you a rash. Tell her you know about their excellent returns policy and feel bad about chucking or donating it because you don't want your lovely friends to have wasted their money. Also have an alternative gift in mind in case any of them asks.
It's not you - it's them.

Jinglebellissimo · 26/07/2020 09:05

I’d regift it to her as soon as you can with
“I know how much you love these products as you’re always telling us so much about them”.

It’s not so much that it’s a shit present - it’s that she’s taken your birthday as a sales opportunity.

I really really hate MLMs.

Oblomov20 · 26/07/2020 09:07

Villanelle :
"and the way in which she turns EVERY conversation round to Tropic is honestly deserving of some sort of award."

Grin