To be disappointed by this 40th birthday gift from my friends?

[bdaydisappoint]

Basically, I've known this particular group of 8 friends including me since school (almost 30 years now!!) and I'm the last of the group to hit the big 40. We had a lovely socially distanced picnic in the park yesterday where they excitedly gave me... a gift box full of Tropic stuff.

One of the girls has recently become a Tropic ambassador and honestly, she's become quite obsessed. It feels like every conversation winds back to Tropic somehow and she keeps asking everyone if they'd like to host pamper parties (so much fun and a great chance to catch up with wine if nothing else! ). I dislike all MLM type selling on principle so have always excused myself from the parties (all via Zoom in this covid-19 world). However, I haven't outright told her I'm not interested, so tbf she won't know my true feelings on it.

There's two reasons I feel a bit let down. Firstly, it's just so generic and impersonal. For all of the other girls' 40ths, we've tried to give gifts personal to the birthday girl in question e.g. the gin lover got a fancy gin masterclass, the musical theatre fan got tickets to a West End show (obviously these were pre-pandemic), the avid reader got a book subscription etc etc. A skin care set just isn't, well, 'me' really. I'm not especially into beauty stuff and I've never expressed a desire to try tropic. Secondly, it just irks me that my Tropic selling friend has probably got paid commission and this might be the main reason for the gift choice. It's not about the money (knowing how expensive Tropic stuff is, I think they've actually spent a lot! ) it's more the lack of thought considering we've made an effort to do personal presents for everyone else. And also having MLM products forced upon me when I've been actively avoiding them!

AIBU and a horrible, terrible and ungrateful friend? Or am I right to feel disappointed by this? For info, I tried not to let my feelings show and did thank them all. In the end, it was a minor blip in what was otherwise a truly wonderful day.

I took a similar gift to our local Women's Aid charity shop as a direct donation for the local refuge. They were really grateful and I felt glad that someone would use it.
YANBU though.

I think your Tropic friend has been thoroughly brainwashed by her mlm to sell, sell, sell, and to exploit her social circle as shamelessly as possible. This is what MLMs do, unfortunately. It's horrible.

And once she insistently pushes the idea of a Tropic "present" for you onto the rest of your group of friends, then they're going to find it very hard to say no without being rude and dissing her products. The MLM will have trained her not to take no for an answer.

Make sure you tell them that the products gave you a terrible allergic reaction or something. Otherwise you will be getting Tropic for every single birthday and Christmas until your friend realises what a scam MLMs are.

By any chance are you normally the person in the group who suggests and researches the thoughtful presents? I think those are the people who can get the raw end of a deal in a friendship group present cycle. Everyone is always happy to throw in a contribution, but doesn’t have to do much else, so when it’s the usual present organiser’s birthday, no one really steps up to the plate.

Lazy, un-thoughtful gifts are the worst. This would upset me and I would probably give it back and say thanks but no thanks - I'm allergic.
But - my mischievous side is liking the re-gifting idea too.
Either way I could not let it pass.

I’d at least give some of it back to the ‘Tropic’ friend. Not for a good while, obvs. And subtly. So in the form of a gift basket for Christmas for example. Shove one Tropic thing in there, in amongst other gifts. Next for her birthday - include another.
Nicely PA.

And from now on - at the next group meeting suggest all future gifts are Tropic too. Why should you be the only one to receive trash.

There’s every chance that your tropic selling friend didn’t just strong arm your other friends, but outright told them you’d said wanted the stuff...

They do things like that all the time, once a MLM scheme has their hooks on them.

so shes made money off selling the others yur birthday present?

thats really crass

@Atadaddicted is clearly not actually a friend of the OP because after 7 almost unanimous pages of ‘your friends have done something crap’ you’d hardly out yourself as one of them!
You’re in no way unreasonable, and I would be fuming if anyone got me some MLM branded yuck for my birthday. I would genuinely prefer nothing and wouldn’t be upset about it, than something that shows how little they know me. FWIW I’m am into skincare and beauty things and I wouldn’t touch random MLM products with a barge pole, and wouldn’t want someone choosing for me.

A mum from my kids' school - who has spent the last 4 years looking down as I passed her on the school run - is suddenly being super pally with me. I get a message nearly every day from her. She's also started working for Tropic and the way in which she turns EVERY conversation round to Tropic is honestly deserving of some sort of award. "Have you been out in the sun lately? " "Yes we were out in it all day yesterday haven't we had lovely weather". "Tropic do an AMAZING sun care range!". WTF where did that come from?!

I'll admit I've tried some of the stuff and some of it is good especially for sensitive skin - but £10 for a 200ml bottle of shower gel? Pffft. The "ambassadors" talk as if Tropic are the only chemical free beauty range - I can get a 400ml bottle of chemical free shower fell off Amazon for £3.50.

But am I right in thinking it's not strictly MLM in the way Younique etc is?? Or have I swallowed the Kool Aid there?

You could sell it on facebook; tag your friends by mistake.

OMG, Tropic supports Mermaids as well. Have absolutely nothing to do with them. And definitely do the FB thing.

Yanbu sounds quite thoughtless and it's the thought that counts with gifts.

I was given a nice bracelet for my 30th by my oldest girlfriends but it was also thoughtless. I wear the same three items of jewellery and never change them - even on my wedding day and they know this. The subsequent gifts to the others were much more thoughtful - mostly due to me pushing not to go for generic items so good for them. Still makes me a bit sad. I smiled and acted happy as I didn't was to look ungrateful or upset anyone. Still makes me feel a bit sad every time I see one of them wearing a necklace we put a lot of thought into for her as she loves it so much and didn't have any proper grown up jewellery (she felt). She wears it all the time.

Maybe go and treat yourself to something you love and pretend it's from them. A private keepsake from them.

I too just can't stand MLM - how do people not get it's basically a pyramid scheme???

It's not a thoughtful gift and you were very gracious. As you say, it was a blip on a lovely day so you will get over it, but I don't think you are unreasonable for feeling how you are feeling. Sounds like your group of friends got railroaded by the MLM girl. Hope you had some other lovely gifts from elsewhere, happy birthday :-)

I had my 40th recently and due to moving around I don't really gave any proper friends. I socialise with my family and my husband.

I don't think YABU however I would maybe just focus on how lucky you are you have 7 friends you've grown up with who took the time out to spend with you.

The MLM bot will come round eventually and the others were probably more susceptible as it's been a strange time.

I actually think you need to be brutally honest with them all. Thank them for their generosity and let them know you all enjoyed the day, but spell out that you have boycotted the MLM bullshit because you are ethically opposed to MLM selling. You love your friends dearly, but one of the reasons you dislike MLM selling is the coercion tactics and this is a case in point. This is wasted money as you will not be using these products. You have never been into beauty products. You find it an odd choice for a gift for you, and feel that the money would have been better spent on something more personally suited to you. If they can be returned, you’d like to do so - otherwise, you will gift them to a foodbank or a beauty bank.

So ungrateful to make comments about any gifts, despite what others have received in the past.

[quote haveyoutriedgoogle]@Atadaddicted is clearly not actually a friend of the OP because after 7 almost unanimous pages of ‘your friends have done something crap’ you’d hardly out yourself as one of them!
You’re in no way unreasonable, and I would be fuming if anyone got me some MLM branded yuck for my birthday. I would genuinely prefer nothing and wouldn’t be upset about it, than something that shows how little they know me. FWIW I’m am into skincare and beauty things and I wouldn’t touch random MLM products with a barge pole, and wouldn’t want someone choosing for me.[/quote]
Man! Gifts worth more than friendship I translated that as crudely. A bit black and white but still....

Some people in our world don’t have food or clean water. Can we all just try to be grateful - gifts should be about the act of giving and receiving right?

It's not a good gift. Sorry. But you handled it well.

It's OK to be ungrateful if that is how you feel. But you did a good job of hiding it. Happy Birthday (the best bit is you are the youngest!)

OP I wouldn't like that 'gift' either, and for the same reasons you've mentioned.

I would sell it on Gumtree or your local FB group and buy something that you really like with the money.

Something similar happened to me when leaving a job and I returned the gift to the store a week later and swapped it for some nice earrings. Nobody ever found out and funnily enough they noticed I had new earrings, but didn't put 2 + 2 together!

@pokehuman Actually, I think gifts should be about the thought, not about the ‘giving and receiving’. My favourite part of gift giving is putting thought into a present, and I couldn’t give a fig if I get gifts back.
The point I was making (perhaps poorly) is that I would prefer nothing in this situation to a MLM gift that has originated in this way (ie, one of my ‘friends’ profiting off it without any thought into whether I would like it).

[quote haveyoutriedgoogle]@pokehuman Actually, I think gifts should be about the thought, not about the ‘giving and receiving’. My favourite part of gift giving is putting thought into a present, and I couldn’t give a fig if I get gifts back.
The point I was making (perhaps poorly) is that I would prefer nothing in this situation to a MLM gift that has originated in this way (ie, one of my ‘friends’ profiting off it without any thought into whether I would like it).[/quote]
I think it’s crass to even evaluate a gift.
I give generally great gifts, it’s my thing. But I don’t like gifts in return usually. Guilt.
I think given this year is so screwed people (mentally and financially) people should have a little word with themselves about this level of ungratefulness. It doesn’t matter! Be grateful your mates turned up!

YANBU

Would the Tropic seller have bullied the others into it?

Yeah, I was ready to say you were ungrateful but I can’t bear this!

I would literally wait until that specific friend asks you about it and then say “oh I’m allergic to tropic stuff, I tried it once and it didn’t agree with my skin, that’s why I swerve all the parties. I just didn’t wanted to publicly say incase it damaged your business”

Like seriously- who gets to 40 and suddenly changes brand after finding years getting the right one!

I actually think the tropic stuff is quite nice. It’s just the association with the mlm that taints it. I wouldn’t buy it because of that generally. But the products are good despite that. Not like the other younique type crap.