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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think if I’m not comfortable going then dh should understand?

120 replies

Failureandtrapped · 25/07/2020 17:43

Dh is desperate for a UK holiday - to a caravan park where we usually go. Some things like the pool etc are opening back up.
I don’t want to go for several reasons. Firstly all the work of it falls on me anyway, dh arrives and announces he’s driven so that’s him for the week and then I spend the rest of the week cooking and cleaning etc as normal and where we usually eat out a couple of times this year will be harder.
I’m also a t1 diabetic and I’m just not happy with the extra risk... I don’t want to go in the pool etc. I know my children will be in school in a few weeks and that I’ve just got to accept an added level of risk in every day life but I find it stressful and I cannot help that.
Aibu to not want to go? Dh has the kids on side because he keeps telling them about it and asking if they want to go and now I feel like a terrible human.

OP posts:
WombatStewForTea · 25/07/2020 17:44

Why doesn't he just take the kids? Win win

beautifulxdisasters · 25/07/2020 17:46

YANBU at all.

It sounds like your DH is pretty unsupportive and nasty in general though. He can take the kids by himself if he wants to go that much.

Original poster
Failureandtrapped · 25/07/2020 17:46

No he won’t take them for a day out on his own - he wouldn’t take them away for a week. No way.
He’s not mentioned once that fact that I am statistically more at risk and I know it’s probably still a small risk - I do understand that - but I feel like everything is currently a constant risk assessment.

OP posts:
EnjoyingTheSilence · 25/07/2020 17:48

Well he can take the kids then. If he is able to get them all riled up about a ‘holiday’ you don’t want to go on, you can say in front of them that whilst you’re not able to join them
this year if daddy wants to taken them you hope they have a good time

Northofsomewhere · 25/07/2020 17:49

In this scenario where one partner is desperate to go away, either internationally (more risk of being stranded or self isolating on return) or in the UK and one doesn't I'd be discussing when I would. E happy to go. What criteria do you feel need to be met before you're comfortable going on holiday? Try and create a check list so it's easier for your partner to understand what worries you. Is there any way to compromise such as not going to the caravan park but maybe a private holiday rental? It might be more expensive but he might be will to find the right place to go as long as it's a holiday.

Mustbethewine · 25/07/2020 17:49

YANBU. I've already explained to my kids there will be no holidays until next year. Its far too soon for me.

Aquamarine1029 · 25/07/2020 17:49

Tell the children that daddy can take them, and then let them pester him half to death.

Wearywithteens · 25/07/2020 17:51

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

beautifulxdisasters · 25/07/2020 17:51

So he: Can't even take his kids for a day out by himself. Bullies their DM into going on a holiday she thinks it's too high risk to go on. Uses the kids to emotionally manipulate her into going ffs.

I wouldn't be sharing a house with him by the end of the year let alone a holiday.

Original poster
Failureandtrapped · 25/07/2020 17:52

I’m not sure really what criteria I’d need. I understand my fears probably aren’t entirely rational.
I just don’t feel happy with the pool. I don’t feel thrilled with the caravan. I feel like I will spend all week saying no - no to amusements, no to pool. Yes to beach, yes to playgrounds etc. That’s fine. It’s indoors really that worries me. It’s always hard work when we go and I just feel this has tipped the balance for me - which is selfish as I know the children and dh wojld enjoy it.

OP posts:
mbosnz · 25/07/2020 17:53

Tell the kids that you've told Dad that you're more than happy for him to take the kids, but you're not up for the increased risk to you of contracting covid 19, so if they're unhappy that they're not going, to direct that at him.

MyNameIsArthur · 25/07/2020 17:53

Tell him in front of the kids that the three of them can go on the holiday but you are staying because of your health. Have a lovely time the three of you!

PablosHoney · 25/07/2020 17:53

He should definitely take them, by himself

Oysterbabe · 25/07/2020 17:54

Have you told him why you don't want to go? That you end up doing everything and it isn't a holiday for you?

Original poster
Failureandtrapped · 25/07/2020 17:56

I’ve told him I don’t want to go.
I keep thinking it’s settled but then he starts again. When we went out in the week on the motorway he was saying to the children - if we go on holiday that’s the way we’ll go. And - we’d go down there for a holiday, you’d have so much fun.

So the children were on me then to go.

OP posts:
Northofsomewhere · 25/07/2020 17:57

How about trying just a weekend/long weekend away more locally (rather than a long drive so he can't use that as an excuse), that way hopefully it can help some of your fears with the possibility of a longer holiday later. Also if you're more locally and you do find it difficult you're not too far to come home. If you feel more comfortable outdoors then just prepare for bad weather (wet and cold) and hope for the best, most kids won't remember aweful weather. Even make outdoor activities a condition of going on holiday and avoid a location where kids might be tempted by a swimming pool etc. I'd use this as an occasion to try somewhere new but only for a long weekend.

gamerchick · 25/07/2020 17:59

@Failureandtrapped

I’ve told him I don’t want to go. I keep thinking it’s settled but then he starts again. When we went out in the week on the motorway he was saying to the children - if we go on holiday that’s the way we’ll go. And - we’d go down there for a holiday, you’d have so much fun.

So the children were on me then to go.

Tell him straight. He's welcome to go and take the kids, that you'll have a holiday at home. If he's not willing to do that then it's on him and to stfu about it.
piscean10 · 25/07/2020 18:00

Hes absolute horrid. You are T1 diabetic and he should be so very concerned over you. My dh is T1 diabetic as well and we are just so so cautious about everything.

JRUIN · 25/07/2020 18:01

I would send your husband on his own and change the locks while he's gone. What a horrible man!

Roselilly36 · 25/07/2020 18:04

YANBU OP, we aren’t having a holiday this year, it won’t hurt to miss a year.

Jeremyironsnothing · 25/07/2020 18:08

Throw the ball back in his court. He can go with the kids.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 25/07/2020 18:09

Even without any added covid risk, you would be totally justified in refusing to go. It sounds really grim for you.

Roselilly36 · 25/07/2020 18:10

You don’t need to explain yourself OP, you don’t feel comfortable, that’s enough. I have MS & have been shielded, I wouldn’t feel comfortable either.

allfalldown47 · 25/07/2020 18:11

My dh is type 1, we wouldn't risk him going away at the moment but he's suggested the kids & I get away.
I would absolutely consider him before anyone else, the rest of the family are low risk, he needs to do whatever he feels comfortable with.
Your dh sounds like an inconsiderate arse Sad

BBCONEANDTWO · 25/07/2020 18:11

@MyNameIsArthur

Tell him in front of the kids that the three of them can go on the holiday but you are staying because of your health. Have a lovely time the three of you!
I think this is the best thing to do - tell him your GP has recommended that you don't go and it's due to your health. He should respect that.