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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think if I’m not comfortable going then dh should understand?

120 replies

Failureandtrapped · 25/07/2020 17:43

Dh is desperate for a UK holiday - to a caravan park where we usually go. Some things like the pool etc are opening back up.
I don’t want to go for several reasons. Firstly all the work of it falls on me anyway, dh arrives and announces he’s driven so that’s him for the week and then I spend the rest of the week cooking and cleaning etc as normal and where we usually eat out a couple of times this year will be harder.
I’m also a t1 diabetic and I’m just not happy with the extra risk... I don’t want to go in the pool etc. I know my children will be in school in a few weeks and that I’ve just got to accept an added level of risk in every day life but I find it stressful and I cannot help that.
Aibu to not want to go? Dh has the kids on side because he keeps telling them about it and asking if they want to go and now I feel like a terrible human.

OP posts:
Crumpets111 · 26/07/2020 10:22

I think Yabu to be honest, your children surely deserve a holiday?

Ginfordinner · 26/07/2020 10:27

If the OP changes her mind and does go she needs to lay down some ground rules about who does all the cooking/washing up in the caravan. If it was me I would be buying in ready maeals and taking paper plates just to make a point.

Happynow001 · 26/07/2020 10:49

@Failureandtrapped

I’ve told him I don’t want to go. I keep thinking it’s settled but then he starts again. When we went out in the week on the motorway he was saying to the children - if we go on holiday that’s the way we’ll go. And - we’d go down there for a holiday, you’d have so much fun.

So the children were on me then to go.

So he's a poor partner:
  • unsupportive to you and uses the children to blackmail you into doing something you don't want to do,
  • leaves all the mental load and graft to you (apart from the driving). Even less of an enticement for you.

He's a poor parent:

  • can't/won't take care of his own children for any appreciable amount of time because - why? That's your job?

Really what do you find attractive in him OP?

Think hard about what you get from this relationship before you give in to his bullying...

IncrediblySadToo · 26/07/2020 10:52

@Crumpets111

I think Yabu to be honest, your children surely deserve a holiday?
So their mum should risk getting COVID to take them on holiday?

I think they'd choose to have their mum alive for a good few years over a week at a caravan park don't you?

Plus, their DAD could take them, but he can't even look after them for a day.

Purely from (yet another) selfish POV you'd think the idiot would realise that if his wife was to get COVID and die he'd be in for a steep learning curve looking after his own children.

LOTS of children never go on holiday & many more will not be going on holiday this year. It's not about 'deserving'

BackforGood · 26/07/2020 10:56

@Crumpets111 The OP isn't preventing them. Despite the additional health risks making it difficult for OP to go away this year, they still have the option (unlike lots of people) for the dc to go to the caravan with their Dad.

Happynow001 · 26/07/2020 10:56

@Failureandtrapped

Last year dh mentioned how handy it was that there’d been a dishwasher in the caravan. There wasn’t a dishwasher in the caravan. Angry
Actually OP there was. There was YOU.
Powerplant · 26/07/2020 10:58

How about you drive to the caravan then have a nice relaxing holiday while he does all the chores and child care - sorted 😊

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 26/07/2020 11:02

If the driving there means he makes no other contribution for the week, why go so far away?
Look for something more local that you do feel more comfortable with - or let him take the children on his own.

DameHannahRelf · 26/07/2020 11:02

"Why doesn't he just take the kids?"

Because then he'd have to get the finger out, without op there to be his skivvy?

Letseatgrandma · 26/07/2020 11:03

It sounds like he thinks you don’t want to go because you’re anxious about Covid, rather than because he’s lazy and doesn't pull his weight. Have you actually told him the reason?

Nanny0gg · 26/07/2020 11:09

@Crumpets111

I think Yabu to be honest, your children surely deserve a holiday?
Why do children 'deserve' a holiday?

They need a break, yes. But they can have fun at home and on days out.

TheShepherdsCrown · 26/07/2020 11:25

@Crumpets111

I think Yabu to be honest, your children surely deserve a holiday?
@Failureandtrapped Oh dear OP. Looks like your lazy and manipulative arsewipe of a husband has joined mumsnet to lay on the emotional blackmail. If Crumpets111 isn’t maybe she could offer to go in your place so the lazy shit of a soon to be divorced husband can have a skivvy doing all the work. Or maybe she could try reading the fucking thread to see that you are not stopping the useless wankstain from taking his kids on holiday. He refuses to do so because he doesn’t want the workload.
Jaxhog · 26/07/2020 11:31

Give him a choice:

  1. You all stay at home
  2. He takes the kids on his own
  3. You all go, and he gets to look after the kids on his own for the next 10 years when you die from Coronavirus
LakieLady · 26/07/2020 11:44

He's an abusive, lazy shit.

Start telling the kids he's taking them on holiday and you're staying home for some me time, so you can have a break from cooking, cleaning and childcare.

Clymene · 26/07/2020 11:46

End your relationship. Seriously. What do you get out of it? He doesn't respect you, he doesn't care for you. You are someone who cooks and cleans and is there for him to stick his dick into. That's it. He doesn't see you as a human being - you exist solely in relation to him and your children

Jeremyironsnothing · 26/07/2020 12:07

He's sounding worse with every post.

Jeremyironsnothing · 26/07/2020 12:08

I don't think your real issue is with the holiday.

BogRollBOGOF · 26/07/2020 12:15

Covid is pretty much a red herring here. It's a "D" H problem. A DH that thinks that his input to the holiday is the drive there leaving OP to the same shit in a different location which is not a holiday at all. A DH that doesn't care about OP's long term management of her health at times of increased risk of complications such as preganancy.

The reasons OP keeps coming back to revolve around his lack of involvement in hers, and the DCs lives.

As far as the holiday goes, him going with the DCs sounds like the best option. You get the rest of a week without them all to run around after.

Long term, evaluate your relationship. Especially if he refuses to go and blames you for it when you were never stopping him.

MumInBrussels · 26/07/2020 12:16

Does your husband have any good points? They'd have to be pretty substantial to outweigh the fact that he's a lazy, emotionally manipulative prick who clearly doesn't care about his wife as an actual human being with needs and wants of her own. I can't think of anything that would outweigh that, to be honest, and I think your problems are far greater than this holiday - about which you are definitely NOT being unreasonable, and you are definitely NOT a terrible human. I'm sorry your husband is such an arsehole. I'd be seriously considering what you get out of your relationship at this point and whether you'd be better off divorced.

LaneBoy · 26/07/2020 14:00

YANBU. He will doubtless accuse you of preventing him and the kids from having a break but that’s when you say “no, I’m not stopping the rest of you, I’m simply saying I’m not going myself”

But I’d be really strongly considering this marriage - it’s not about the holiday is it :(

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