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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think if I’m not comfortable going then dh should understand?

120 replies

Failureandtrapped · 25/07/2020 17:43

Dh is desperate for a UK holiday - to a caravan park where we usually go. Some things like the pool etc are opening back up.
I don’t want to go for several reasons. Firstly all the work of it falls on me anyway, dh arrives and announces he’s driven so that’s him for the week and then I spend the rest of the week cooking and cleaning etc as normal and where we usually eat out a couple of times this year will be harder.
I’m also a t1 diabetic and I’m just not happy with the extra risk... I don’t want to go in the pool etc. I know my children will be in school in a few weeks and that I’ve just got to accept an added level of risk in every day life but I find it stressful and I cannot help that.
Aibu to not want to go? Dh has the kids on side because he keeps telling them about it and asking if they want to go and now I feel like a terrible human.

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 25/07/2020 20:21

Yanbu. What is the point of a holiday if you are still cooking, cleaning and looking after children. No point whatsoever. Let the rest of the family go if they want to.

NeutrinoWrangler · 25/07/2020 20:29

He sounds awful. Not one thing you've said about him has been positive. Is he a jerk in every way, or does he have any good points? I would feel very unloved if I had diabetes and my husband seemed not to give a crap about it!

I wouldn't give in on the holiday. If you don't want to go don't want to take the extra risks don't want to end up washing and cleaning and cooking during what's supposed to be your time to relax-- then DON'T.

The children will be fine missing that particular holiday this year. There must be some other fun things they can do more locally. Or maybe something you can buy for them to enjoy at home, with some of the money you'll save by not going on the not-really-a-holiday.

GeorginaTheGiant · 25/07/2020 20:33

The holiday is the least of your worries. Your husband is awful, treats you with utter contempt and manipulates your children against you. He is not what. Husband should be: loving, caring, kind, a partner....the list goes on. Why on earth are you wasting yourself on someone so utterly horrible? Please don’t say what a great dad he is or some other shit like that because he isn’t, great husbands and fathers don’t act like he is.

OP you deserve better.

DopamineHits · 25/07/2020 20:33

Speak. Tell him why you're not going. Tell him what has to change. Or tell him the marriage is over. Use your voice.

Timekeeper1 · 25/07/2020 20:50

He sounds like a selfish lazy misogynistic pig.

Try playing him at his own game. Say to the kids in front of him; "wouldn't you like to have a week away with daddy so you can do all fun things with him? And let mummy have a weeks break at home?" Make it guilt-laden and really put the guilt-trip on him. Tell the kids to say "yeah, let mummy have a week's break, and we can have some fun!"

Timekeeper1 · 25/07/2020 20:53

No he won’t take them for a day out on his own

Shock What a lousy deadbeat excuse for a father. He's certainly not very hands on. Maybe you could suggest he takes them for a weekend away. Maybe even one day and a half. Anything is better than nothing. It's time you called the deadbeat out for expecting you to do everything. I feel angry on your behalf. I would have nipped this in the bud before the kids were even out of nappies.

Clevererthanyou · 25/07/2020 20:57

I don’t know if this helps or hinders you Op but the company I work for provides housekeeping and general maintenance to holiday homes, chalets and caravans and the general consensus has been that there will be limitations on which amusements open, how many people can enter, times they will be open and closed for deep cleans and even the future of the outdoor pools for the summer is in jeopardy. I’m not saying this is the case for all UK holiday homes but we cover huge areas. YANBU btw.

Annasgirl · 25/07/2020 20:58

Oh OP he sounds awful. And what you describe is not a holiday for you so he is a twat. TBH I don’t know why people stay married to men as dire as this.

sadpapercourtesan · 25/07/2020 21:02

Just tell hm the truth; it's not a holiday for you, because he behaves like a selfish badly-brought-up child all week.

I couldn't live like this OP, it sounds intolerable.

Inkpaperstars · 25/07/2020 21:14

You would not be sinking to his level by telling the children he can/will take them...he is pressuring you to risk your health in what he says and all would be doing is expecting him to parent his own children.

Seriously he does sound so many levels of nasty....doesn't care about your health condition (even when pregnant ffs), pressures you to go on a holiday that you feel is too risky (YANBU), applies that pressure in a way that manipulates and upsets his kids, can't parent his own kids for even a day or take them on holiday himself, and leaves you to do everything on holiday so that even without Covid it would be work for you.

What a total knob OP...did he ever seem nice?

CupoTeap · 25/07/2020 21:44

Does he know what to do if you fall ill?

QueenArseClangers · 25/07/2020 21:48

LTB.

violetbunny · 25/07/2020 22:08

He sounds awful. Why do you even choose to stay with him?? Angry

OhYeahYouSuck · 25/07/2020 22:17

What a shit 'husband' and 'father'. I use those terms loosely as what does he actually bring to your life. Tell him firmly to shut the fuck up about a 'holiday' you are not going on. And that it isn't even a holiday for you so why would you put yourself through that hell for him when he does fuck all for you.

What a twat he is.

MumW · 26/07/2020 09:58

Last year dh mentioned how handy it was that there’d been a dishwasher in the caravan.
There wasn’t a dishwasher in the caravan. Angry

A dishwasher is one of my must haves on holiday. The year the advertised dishwasher didn't work, I made it clear from day 1 that I was NOT doing all the cooking AND the washing up. To he fair, though, my DH wouldn't expect to sit back and be waited on.

Likethewingsofadragonfly · 26/07/2020 09:59

Mine is still in bed. I’ve been up with the dc since 7.30am.
This is very very very much the norm.

Arrivederla · 26/07/2020 10:09

Op - why are you just passively accepting his horrible and selfish behaviour? Tell him that you have done your last caravan holiday unless he steps up and does half the work when you are there.

Do you drive? If so, insist on doing half the driving. If not - start learning; you will need to drive when you have left him and are making a much happier life on your own.

Murraygoldberg · 26/07/2020 10:14

Likethewings - it is so not the norm, yes my ex was like that, note ex. My dp, does most of the cleaning and cooking on holiday and alot of the childcare on hols and the dc are not his

Rollmopsrule · 26/07/2020 10:14

This link isn't supposed to encourage you to go Op. You absolutely should do what you are comfortable with. It highlights that in many cases people with Type 1 are not at increased risk of infection or severe complications and I was hoping it would reassure you in general. It depends on Hb1ac, age, weight etc. The usual criteria for Covid risk.
jdrf.org.uk/news/jdrf-reacts-to-nhs-data-on-covid-19-deaths-and-diabetes/

Letseatgrandma · 26/07/2020 10:14

@Failureandtrapped

Last year dh mentioned how handy it was that there’d been a dishwasher in the caravan. There wasn’t a dishwasher in the caravan. Angry
What did he say when you told him?

Have you actually said that you don’t want to go on holiday with him because he does fuck all and leaves it all to you?

Rollmopsrule · 26/07/2020 10:16

You DH sounds like a knob btw

Ginfordinner · 26/07/2020 10:17

Have you actually said that you don’t want to go on holiday with him because he does fuck all and leaves it all to you?

And it isn't a holiday for you because you are swapping one kitchen sink for another.

emilybrontescorsett · 26/07/2020 10:17

Bloody hell why do we men do this.
I have always said I will not go on holiday if it isn’t a holiday for me.
Just tell him this. Tell him you don’t enjoy it as where is the holiday for you?
Then tell him to take the kids and go alone.

emilybrontescorsett · 26/07/2020 10:17

Women

emilybrontescorsett · 26/07/2020 10:21

Op this is not what a good relationship looks like.
I’ve had plenty of caravan holidays.
I don’t go away to cook or clean I go for luxury and to be indulged.
I’d rather not go than cook or clean.