To think if I’m not comfortable going then dh should understand?

[Failureandtrapped]

Dh is desperate for a UK holiday - to a caravan park where we usually go. Some things like the pool etc are opening back up.
I don’t want to go for several reasons. Firstly all the work of it falls on me anyway, dh arrives and announces he’s driven so that’s him for the week and then I spend the rest of the week cooking and cleaning etc as normal and where we usually eat out a couple of times this year will be harder.
I’m also a t1 diabetic and I’m just not happy with the extra risk... I don’t want to go in the pool etc. I know my children will be in school in a few weeks and that I’ve just got to accept an added level of risk in every day life but I find it stressful and I cannot help that.
Aibu to not want to go? Dh has the kids on side because he keeps telling them about it and asking if they want to go and now I feel like a terrible human.

Make it very clear to him that it's not a holiday for you as you're just cooking and cleaning like you do at home. If he wants to have a family holiday he needs to make it a holiday for you too. If he can come up with a way to guarantee that it will be a holiday for you too, then you will consider the health risks in the light of it. If all he does is promise to 'help', that's not good enough.

BTW what he's doing is triangulating. Pulling the children in to manipulate you. It's not nice.

Wow. He's a catch, isn't he?!

Is he emotionally abusive in other ways OP?

YANBU .. I'm
Going here , there and everywhere .. that's my choice, and I'm ok with it ... if you don't feel safe stick to your guns OP and don't be blackmailed into going . The kids will be absolutely fine if you explain to them ... and the giant toddler will just have to suck it up !!

Tell the kids dad’s going to take them!

He's horrible. Partly for the emotional blackmail and partly for his complete disinterest in you. Oh, and not to mention his selfish attitude when you're there

Does he bring anything to your life?

What is the point of your DH, OP? He’s not interested in your health issues, he can’t cope taking the DC away by himself. Pointless.

Do you drive?

IF you end up going (and I agree you shouldn't feel bullied into it), pick somewhere reasonably close and announce you're driving this time.

Time to fight fire with fire. When he tells the children in front of you, asking if they want to go, chime in with 'Well of course you can go, all of you together. It's not safe for mummy yet, but daddy could take you and you'll have a lovely time just with him.'

Yes, please do this ^^

I'm sorry OP your husband is being a dick.

He doesnt care about your health. He doesnt care about the stress a holiday would cause. Parenting his own children for a day is above him but using them to try to manipulate you into doing something that you're not comfortable with isnt. Whatever his thoughts, he was really mean to get their hopes up.

And I agree he can take them himself. And I'd be tempted to tell them that infront of him. Which I know is taking it down to his level...

I have T1 and personally i would go because I've not been doing anything different to the general population during covid.

However, I would be far less inclined if my DH was a lazy sod who was going to expect me to cook and clean the whole time while he sat around like a king!!

Jesus love. Isn't it time he went away, permanently? I can't imagine living with someone who treats me like he treats you 😢. He's horrible to you, I think you're the frog in the pot.

Obviously YANBU not wanting to go, for previous reasons or Covid reasons.

I would tell him to STFU, or you'll explain to the DC that you're not able to go because if your T1/Covid, but Daddy is going to take them.

But seriously, he's treating you badly (generally) & I would encourage you to look at the big picture & seriously consider a divorce 🌷

That's terrible OP

I wouldn't go. I'd tell the children that Daddy can take them and to go pester him. Stick you your guns T1DM is an autoimmune disease so you are in clinically vulnerable (not shielding) group. You should continue taking extra care in S-D when out and limit exposure

It doesn't sound much of a holiday for you and more risk exposure is off putting. You'll be stuck in a tiny caravan more time than usual, there will be limits and queues/restrictions when out. If you were excited about it, it'd be different but your DH is lazy and selfish on holiday & with the extra risk it sounds that's tipped you over into dreading it.

We cancelled our holiday this year as I'm shielding group and don't fancy being stuck in constantly cleaning a small holiday place.

I'd reply "I don't understand why you care so little about my health - as I'm in vulnerable category and it's not as safe for me. I'm not stopping you from going with DC, off you go arrange it but don't make decisions for me assuming I'll do it all so you can be lazy and waited on. I'm not going this year due to the risks to me"

Your DH is selfish and unkind. He might as well get used to taking DC on holidays on his own as if he keeps this attitude up, He can practice now for when he becomes a single divorced parent - managing DCs on holiday on his own! 😆 He might be nicer when he returns . I bet he refuses to take to them on his own then because he doesn't want to parent

Fucking hell- your h is horrible.
Not interested in the T1, only doing driving and not even taking the kids out for the day. Not to mention using the kids to get his own way I wouldn't go on holiday with the lazy arse regardless of COVID.

@WombatStewForTea

Why doesn't he just take the kids? Win win

This!

When he brings it up again on front of the kids agree you are looking forward to a break because you haven’t been well so Dad has said I’ll be having a break. Let him do all the cooking and faffing and sit down with several magazines every day and relax.
Men like this need to know their wives are not maids. I simply don’t get it, why let yourself be taken advantage of?
I never had my family around due to living in a different country and I made a point of getting up at 7 every Saturday and going to a local city for the day. It was my way of showing my DH that I wasn’t just sitting at home all day when I was a SAHM. He respected me so much more after I started doing this.
We visited his mum in his home country and she was horrified that I left ‘the baby’ with him! An adult man was obviously in her eyes not capable of looking after his own daughter.
I’m always shocked at how these men orchestrate their home lives to suit themselves! Time for him to wise up OP. Best of luck!

@Ginfordinner

Time to fight fire with fire. When he tells the children in front of you, asking if they want to go, chime in with 'Well of course you can go, all of you together. It's not safe for mummy yet, but daddy could take you and you'll have a lovely time just with him.'

Yes, please do this ^^

Yep

And FWIW. We did a European road trip last year, I did all 2000+ miles of the driving, because I’m better at it than DH and I enjoy it.

I still stepped the fuck up at admin tasks and meals. Your DH is a workshy fop and he’s adding nothing.

Every time he ropes the kids in, swing it back ‘Daddy is taking you WOHOO FOR DADDY! DADDYHOLIDAY‘.

And if he starts on you, I’d definitely give both barrels about it not being a fucking holiday for you. Seriously, stop worrying about being selfish. You aren’t NEARLY selfish enough IMO.

Driving in the UK is not that hard, there is no journey you can do on the British isles that needs a whole Fucking week to recover from.

all the work of it falls on me anyway, dh arrives and announces he’s driven so that’s him for the week and then I spend the rest of the week cooking and cleaning etc as normal and where we usually eat out a couple of times

That is NOT a holiday.

Tell the kids you can't go because of the risk to your health, but DADDY will take them and they'll have a fab time

and so will you while he's away

After our self catering holiday last year (we do one a year with our children- wales, Cornwall, Isle of Wight etc) I told him that I am NEVER spending my whole holiday doing the washing up, EVER AGAIN. I’m pleased to say that this summer he’s actually stepped up and is doing his fair share.

I really think you should tell him to take them on his own. Sometimes you just have to put your foot down to be taken seriously.

Last year dh mentioned how handy it was that there’d been a dishwasher in the caravan.
There wasn’t a dishwasher in the caravan.

Sounds like you should rethink the relationship. Your husband sounds like a lazy, domineering bastard.

Last year dh mentioned how handy it was that there’d been a dishwasher in the caravan. There wasn’t a dishwasher in the caravan

To which the only answer is ‘yes, it was me you lazy sack of shite...and that was the LAST time‘

Leaving aside the t1 (personal decision to assess risk, if you arent comfortable you just arent)
The I've driven you do everything else is not on. I've put my foot down firmly about self catering holidays. It's not a holiday doing the same cooking cleaning etc in a different location. In fact, it is worse as I haven't got my decent knives pans . I will only go if a large amount of meals are eaten out and all other tasks are shared.
I also (when abroad) do not want to have to go supermarket shopping for anything much more than wine and cheese

Forget the pandemic
Forget your diabetes.
On this alone, YANBU
all the work of it falls on me anyway, dh arrives and announces he’s driven so that’s him for the week and then I spend the rest of the week cooking and cleaning etc as normal

What is the matter with the man ?
We almost always self catered until I discovered AI abroad once our dc were late teens. I love the flexibility of it. But, the difference here is WE self catered.. I am not married to a dh who thinks I am some kind of servant.

Second issue is his winding the dc up about it, rather than having an adult conversation with you.
So, as he seems to keep doing it, then I would take up the previous poster's idea of saying, in front of the dc, "Unfortunately the risk to my health, with the pandemic, and my having diabetes, means it isn't going to be possible for me to go to the caravan this year, BUT, you two can go with Daddy and I'll have a quiet week at home" and let him then choose to either step up to parenting them, or be the one letting them down after he's raised their hopes.