AIBU to feel sad about my 8mo

[mummyslittlenightmare]

My darling DD turns 8 months old tomorrow.

I just feel sad about my life with her, AIBU?
She was a MUCH wanted baby, tried for 3 years, referred to fertility clinic etc, so she is our little miracle baby and my god she is absolutely beautiful.

She was an IUGR baby and delivered by csection weighing 5lbs - so not the best start. She is small for her age now but following her 9th centile perfectly.

But, EVERYTHING seems just so difficult.
She screamed 24hrs a day until she was around 2 months old due to CMPA & silent reflux.

She's on neocate milk & lansoprazole now and has been for some time, but still she is miserable 80% of the time.

She doesn't sleep. No more than 2hr stretches from 6/7pm when she goes to bed and wakes up at 5/530am no matter what time she goes to bed.

She point blank refuses the pushchair and car seat and screams the moment she goes in either. Always has done.

She hates people. Anyone even dare say hello to her or even come into our home that she doesn't know and she growls and screams. I can't take her to anyone's house to visit them because she is a nightmare. Even basic tasks like food shopping is just dreaded because either me or DP will have to carry her and even then she's groaning and whinging.

Sorry for the long rant/whinge. I just have a 'miserable' baby but god it's hard, along with sleep deprivation - i just count down the months till she's at least 1 but then god knows what issues I'll be faced with then!

DP always makes comments when I moan like 'she's healthy, has all her limbs etc, no disabilities, so you should be grateful' and while yes I know this and I am grateful but god it's hard to remind yourself of that when all you want is a decent stretch of sleep and to be able to leave your house.

That sounds really difficult for you OP. It's so conflicting loving your new baby so so much, but finding them such hard work at the same time. Would you consider cranosacral therapy? I have heard very positive stories about it in situations exactly like yours.

This sounds really bloody hard work.

Is it worth seeing a cranial osteopath? I had a friend with a baby who sounded just like yours....the car seat thing was identical and it’s because she was in pain from a birth trauma. 2 sessions and he’s a different child.

Otherwise, have pushchair and car seat in the house to play with. For her to get used to them. Face time a trusted friend for a few minutes to get used to faces......go for a walk at a busy park. All good ways to get used to parkour but not in her home yet. Then perhaps a playgroup towards the end of the year?

I had a similar baby. IUGR and born at 3lb 6oz. First year was dreadful. Have you got a good sling? I had a sleepy nico and loved it. A lot of I realised was over stimulation for him. He’d get overwhelmed with situations easily. New places, loud places, too much interaction or whatever. Cried every time we walked in the room at the Bliss baby group. Cried when people came to the house. He’s still very sensitive but not like that anymore. He’s 4 now.

Babies don't have the capacity to hate.

She's crying for a reason as is probably in pain it's not to spite you. Your husband is right. Just try and enjoy your time with her even though it's tough. Like you say she's a miracle.

I'd suggest a chiropractor specialising in pediatrics, preferably mctimoney.

All the information will be available as to what it can benefit. You might be surprised.

Definitely try cranial osteopathy

And My daughter was the same with other people

She grew out of it

Oh my god, that was mine in the first year. You should see my happy chatterbox now, but yes ‘miserable baby’ describes it really well.

Not sure if it’s what made the difference but a combination of osteopathy and moving completely totally dairy free and on solids quite early seemed to sort our problems. By age 1 things were a lot better!

I had a miserable baby! When he started sleeping properly it massively improved. He is now a whingy toddler
Sending hugs

You need more sleep. You need to get your husband to step up and give you eight hours respite. Better if you can do it several nights in a row but even one will be a life changer. Could he do that for you? So much more helpful than being told to appreciate what you have.

It will get easier. The real key to sleep is food so if she’s struggled with that it’s almost inevitable that she won’t sleep well. The little tummy will grow and she will feel better. You sound like a really loving Mum, it’s lovely to read.

I had one of those op- it does get better I know it’s frowned upon on here but sleep training saved my sanity

Flame me now babies aren't fun sorry but best only advice I can offer is better times are ahead .

In my experience, hard baby leads to an easier toddler. Better days are coming so be kind to yourself while you muddle through the shitter ones.
I have no practical advice but I promise you it won't last forever

Oh that sounds grim...Poor you, and poor baby.

The way you describe her behaviour though...I haven't met any babies who ''hate''?

I don't think babies can hate... but maybe she has pain, or something physically wrong.

It must be incredibly difficult to parent an ''discontented'' baby... 'Hopefully' it will be down to some form of solvable pain.

This sounds really tough. I’ve also heard really good things about cranio osteopathy. As has already been said, your lo doesn’t have the ability to hate people. She’s struggling. You’re struggling.

I had one of mine like this, had to leave places cause he would b screaming and it was so disheartening trying to do best for us like going to baby groups and needing to leave. Remember one time was soooo traumatic, a nice sing along time in library and omg he screamed the place down!! Got better around age 1. His now 13 and I wish I could get him out of bed now!!! It improves op xxx

This must be so hard OP. I hate it when people say things like "Just enjoy them". What they mean is "suck it up". Babies are hard work and it's hard to enjoy every minute when you have had no sleep. I told my DP yesterday that I could quite happily put DS on EBay, and he is an "easy" baby! I can't even imagine what you're going through.
Is DP pulling his weight, particularly during the night? You sound like you could do with a few solid hours sleep.
With the strangers thing, I think it's normal and lockdown hasn't helped. My DS is the sunniest of babies but introduce him to someone new and it's like the world has ended! Try not to stop going out because of it though. Being stuck in the house won't be helping your mood.
Have you spoken to the GP about it? They might be able to suggest something.

Yes to the cranial osteopathy!

Total sympathy OP, mine was exactly the same, people didn't understand what I meant until I met some friends for lunch and my baby screamed for most of it! They said I had patience of a saint! My baby was so bad I didn't leave the house for a month as she hated the car seat, sling and pram! Once she was mobile she was a lot better and a much happier baby. I would look at cranial osteopathy, that did help as I had a traumatic birth and mine was undiagnosed IUGR (should never have been born naturally as she could have died). Solidarity

Cranial osteopathy! My child settled so much after each session!

He's a dream now at 2!

Thank you all for your replies.

Actually it's been quite an eye opener.
You're all absolutely correct, babies can't "hate"

So, does anyone have any ideas as to why she seems to be distressed by pushchair?
I've tried, rear facing, forward facing etc, she has toys in there. Do I keep putting her in there and leaving her to cry? (Which family has suggested but I don't feel comfortable doing it) Or throw the towel in and sling/carry her everywhere? Obviously car seat there is no negotiation.

I think if I had a reason as to why she's distressed it would help me cope better and accept it IYSWIM?

I think the most disheartening thing is that no matter what I try to do, it just upsets her, and makes me upset that I just keep her at home because it's so much easier to deal with.

Gosh, I can't wait till I can tel her all about these days when she's older!

I have a miserable baby! Medicated for silent reflux, screamed non stop for 4 months. Everyone told me he would be better by 3 months, then 6 months but he just got grumpier. I found things peaked around 7-8 months and now at 11.5 months he is so much more chilled. I think being able to move a bit helps, gives them a sense of autonomy and independence. It's so tough I really get that, but give it time and hopefully things will get better.

I would give her what makes her happier. She can't tell you the problem so she cries. Which is her speech.

@Purplequalitystreet

This must be so hard OP. I hate it when people say things like "Just enjoy them". What they mean is "suck it up". Babies are hard work and it's hard to enjoy every minute when you have had no sleep. I told my DP yesterday that I could quite happily put DS on EBay, and he is an "easy" baby! I can't even imagine what you're going through. Is DP pulling his weight, particularly during the night? You sound like you could do with a few solid hours sleep. With the strangers thing, I think it's normal and lockdown hasn't helped. My DS is the sunniest of babies but introduce him to someone new and it's like the world has ended! Try not to stop going out because of it though. Being stuck in the house won't be helping your mood. Have you spoken to the GP about it? They might be able to suggest something.

eBay! Haha!

Yes have considered going to GP but I feel I would be looked at as if I was mental or to be told 'babies cry' like I was went I went numerous times in the beginning or the worst.. 'colic'

I had to take her to A&E in the end to get some answers and actual diagnosis of CMPA & reflux.

Do you have family to support you @mummyslittlenightmare ? Even if not overnight then taking some pressure off during the day? It could be small bursts here and there whilst your still around so you can comfort her when upset, but gradually making it slightly longer to nipping outside to the corner shop, and then returning and comforting? Must be tough.

Yes above there are loads of replies saying why. Cranial osteopathy will help. Not liking car seat and buggy are classic signs. She is in pain probably from a birth injury.
Also if you dress shopping with her just leave her at home. I never understand when two parents shop with a clearly distressed child.