AIBU to feel sad about my 8mo

[mummyslittlenightmare]

My darling DD turns 8 months old tomorrow.

I just feel sad about my life with her, AIBU?
She was a MUCH wanted baby, tried for 3 years, referred to fertility clinic etc, so she is our little miracle baby and my god she is absolutely beautiful.

She was an IUGR baby and delivered by csection weighing 5lbs - so not the best start. She is small for her age now but following her 9th centile perfectly.

But, EVERYTHING seems just so difficult.
She screamed 24hrs a day until she was around 2 months old due to CMPA & silent reflux.

She's on neocate milk & lansoprazole now and has been for some time, but still she is miserable 80% of the time.

She doesn't sleep. No more than 2hr stretches from 6/7pm when she goes to bed and wakes up at 5/530am no matter what time she goes to bed.

She point blank refuses the pushchair and car seat and screams the moment she goes in either. Always has done.

She hates people. Anyone even dare say hello to her or even come into our home that she doesn't know and she growls and screams. I can't take her to anyone's house to visit them because she is a nightmare. Even basic tasks like food shopping is just dreaded because either me or DP will have to carry her and even then she's groaning and whinging.

Sorry for the long rant/whinge. I just have a 'miserable' baby but god it's hard, along with sleep deprivation - i just count down the months till she's at least 1 but then god knows what issues I'll be faced with then!

DP always makes comments when I moan like 'she's healthy, has all her limbs etc, no disabilities, so you should be grateful' and while yes I know this and I am grateful but god it's hard to remind yourself of that when all you want is a decent stretch of sleep and to be able to leave your house.

oh gosh. You've had so much good advice here, and I don't really have anything to add to that except to say you sound so tired, and you're obviously doing a good job trying to keep her happy and that's exhausting. My DD was a pretty 'good' baby after a very rough start at birth and even then I was a total state a lot of the time so please, please do go easy on yourself.

OMG you have my utmost sypathy. My DS2 was exactly the same - CMPA and reflux.

When I took him to the GP she rolled her eyes at me and said 'babies do cry you know' Cow. He was my second baby and I knew babies don't cry for every waking moment. She grudgingly made a referral and he was diagnosed first visit. The consultant said he was textbook and he was prescribed Nutrimigen for cooking (he was BF). It made some difference but time is what helped most - everything got better as he got older.

One thing I can say is it WILL end. It won't be like this forever. I was a shell of a person when he was 9 months. I could never put him down and would get extremely broken sleep with him right next to me. He had to be touching me at all times.

It helped me to reframe how I felt about it. I stopped thinking about how tired I was and started telling myself I could do it because I loved him so much. When he cried I tried to stay as relaxed as possible, tune out the noise as much as possible and remind myself he was not doing it on purpose, he was in pain. Very occasionally, when I was really overwhelmed, I would put him in his (mostly unused) cot on a fleece, just to breathe. We did cranial osteopathy which helped a little and was a nice, regular outing to a place where nobody minded how much he screamed .

If it's any consolation, he has grown up to be the nicest, kindest, most thoughtful person ever. It will get better OP.

My only child never stropped crying for the first 10 months and hated people. Now they have a Phd from Cambridge and lecture and network with great confidence.

Dc3 is dairy intolerant. Wasn’t diagnosed till 6 months, as he was bf, so intolerances were dismissed. One thing I found really helped with his obvious discomfort before he was diagnosed was walking with him in the baby carrier. (We had a baby bjorn). slings are recommended more on here because of being more supportive, but this worked every time, the gravity and bouncing got all the wind out. He would be trumping away happily and really seemed to help with the discomfort.

@mummyslittlenightmare.

I don’t have anything to add over and above what other people have suggested, I just wanted to add to the general message of support. You sound like such a loving mum doing your best in very difficult circumstances. I hope you get the answers you need from here. .

Oh OP. I had a miserable baby too. Also an indiagnosed CMPA! To be honest, she's always just been a bit grumpy, even after it was diagnosed I was expecting a big improvement but it was only a small improvement.

BUT I want to tell you that you're doing a wonderful job noticing her and caring about her. I also know how tough it is to be a mum to a baby who's having these problems.

Also, I want to tell you that my grumpy baby is 7 now and she is marvellous. Things really improved for us as soon as she was 2.5 and able to communicate in words. I think she was just a sensitive person and cried a lot because she couldn't properly tell me her likes and dislikes. And she did actually (and still does) have a lot of dislikes as she is quite sensitive to noise, texture and taste etc. However now we are in a routine that we are all happy with, she is really a delightful companion and we are all so much happier.

Re the pushchair thing, just go with whatever she's happiest with. Seriously. Be baby-led. Make some changes like a cosy sheepskin underneath her (they are ok in hot weather too -- they have an insulating effect), sensory toys attached to the pushchair for her. If she still hates the pushchair, just let her hate the pushchair and put her in something (a carrier? We loved our Tula baby carrier and then Tula toddler carrier) that she's happy with.

I also had my daughter in bed with me at night and it drastically improved her sleep!

I'm feel for you, my first one was the same. Fertility issues beforehand with multiple miscarriages, stressful pregnancy, undiagnosed IUGR, emergency c-section birth where she nearly didn't make it, SCBU stay and a tiny baby who wouldn't feed well. She was grumpy, my OH was saying today that it was like she was traumatised by her difficult birth. I didn't enjoy the first year and felt so guilty. I'd waited so long for it.

Everywhere she went, she cried. Luckily she was a better sleeper at night but still woke several times and naps were a mess . I do think she had silent reflux. She was very sensitive and still is now. In hindsight I do think at least some of the bad mood was down to being tired. My second sleeps more and is much happier, she has much more of a routine.

I didn't realise how bad it was until I had my second. Then I understood why all the mums at baby groups were smiley and relaxed whilst I felt like a husk. To the point I actually feel more rested with two children.

I tried cranial osteopathy which helped a bit. Also used straight away with my slightly colicky second and she was transformed into a happy, smiley little creature. I do think some of it is personality, the second was always relaxed when not gassy.

I'd second using a carrier. Ergobaby and Connecta are supposed to be good.

Hey OP, you are doing amazing and this thing will pass. I promise! I have two boys both CMPI and refluxers. It sank me into deep PND both times. This is not your life forever, please cling on to that.
A couple of things. Change the meds to LOSEC mups. Don’t ask me why but they work better than the ones your dd is on. Give them twice a day. Has her meds been upped inline with weight gain? What’s her current dose?
Start weaning her of not done already and then as well as avoiding CMPI also avoid anything acidic. Where are you based? PM me if you want. Having had 2 myself I know this inside out and I want to help you.

Sleep training. She’s plenty old enough and the constant broken sleep isn’t good for her OR you. She’s likely exhausted.

ferber method is great but you can use whichever method you think you’ll stick with as consistency is key. Then reassess when her sleep is sorted.

You poor thing OP, it’s so hard. Until you’ve been sleep deprived for months on end, you can’t imagine how hard it is. And terrible timing with the virus, so you can’t get out and about as much.

I only have anecdotes to offer, but I have a couple of friends who had babies like yours. One of them once rang me sobbing her heart out because she felt like she just couldn’t cope with her any longer. But eventually the babies grew out of it, and now they are happy 9 year olds.

One day at a time, and take any practical steps you can, eg pushing with the doctor to make sure there’s nothing medical that could be fixed (my friend’s daughter had to be upright for the first 13 months or so because of reflux, but medication helped and then she DID grow out of it) and accepting help from anyone who can take her for a bit so you can sleep. You’ll get there

Try a cranial osteopath and see if that helps
I do think you should make her go it the pushchair for short periods and extend them. If the car seat is not negotiable you should try the same with the pushchair.
Maybe she also know if she cries you will give into her too. X

@MintyMabel where are you getting that from re no soya at eight months? I think you’re mistaken, it’s absolutely fine for babies to have soya milk in cooking etc., soya yoghurt from weaning onwards.

Did you mean they’re not supposed to be on soya formula as their main drink at that age?

Have you tried putting favourite teddy/toys in the pram and car seat in the house in front to child, then the same thing outside, in car - like a game?

I’ve read this five time and still can’t make head nor tail of it, anyone else?

Also maybe they need to change her to omoprezole the others didn't work for me. X

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all your lovely replies. Means a lot!

I have read each and everyone. I will look into cranial osteopathy. She did have 1 session when she was 8 weeks which didn't make a difference, but I know it can take around 3.

She can't have omeprazole - didn't agree with her unfortunately, tummy cramps and constipation. But ok with lansoprazole for some reason.

I do also believe that ALOT of her problems are down to sleep, she is a bad napper also but recently has started doing a longer stretch in the afternoon but does need resettling after 30
minutes.

I hope one day in a few months (years) I will update you all with nothing but positivity. If not, I'm probably dead due to exhaustion 😂

Probably there is a middle way between relentless positivity and extreme sadness. There could be a medical problem, which could be helped by a GP.

where are you getting that from re no soya at eight months? I think you’re mistaken, it’s absolutely fine for babies to have soya milk in cooking etc., soya yoghurt from weaning onwards.

@Sharww

From the dietitians we were under when DD had a CMP allergy when she was young. Three of them confirmed soya products were not suitable for babies under the age of 1.

The majority of soya beans are treated with tons of chemicals, pesticide/weed killer. The dockers who were unloading the ship fulls of soya & breathing in the dust, were dropping like flies. since they have to wear full contamination suits
The majority of soya comes from the USA where there is no ban on all the harmful chemicals. No way would I give soya to a baby.