AIBU to terminate my pregnancy because of how sh*tty I feel?

[mrt1981]

I wasn’t exactly trying, but I got pregnant. At first I was happy but I am now 8 weeks pregnant and I am in hell. Constant sickness, crippling fatigue, generally feeling like absolute crap and have been signed off work. I went to the doctor and got prescribed an anti sickness drug. It takes the edge off slightly but also sends me to sleep so not much use in the day time (and this particular drug is supposed to be a non-drowsy one!)

I have spoken about termination with my partner and he is understandably very disappointed because he has been getting used to the idea of being a dad. He really wants me to go through with the pregnancy, and I feel terrible that I am having these doubts.

But I also just want to feel well again.

I read some of the symptoms usually fade away by the second trimester but for the minority they continue throughout the pregnancy. I am terrified I’ll be in this minority, I don’t want a baby so much that I am willing to live in hell for the next seven months.

If I do go down the termination route than I would want to do it ASAP as the longer I wait, the more it grows into a baby, and I personally find the idea of a late term abortion very upsetting. Whereas right now it’s more like a blob and less like a baby (in my head).

This on top of having what I think are common feelings of not really feeling sure if I want it. Surely if you have a baby you should be sure about wanting it? Although I’m not sure I don’t want it. I don’t know, my head is so messed up right now. I don’t feel any love towards it...

I just do not know what to do. I am split down the middle. Any input would be valued as not really got anyone to talk to about this other than DH.

Thanks

Good luck for Monday.
Fingers crossed you feel better soon.

One thing that helped me with morning sickness was to constantly graze, lollipops, bread sticks, biscuits.

You need to talk to your partner. If he wants children and you decide to terminate and decide you will never have a baby again you are depriving him of being a dad. It might mean the end of your relationship. (It would for me although he may not feel that way). I hope you start to feel better soon.

The pregnancy won't last forever and there are options to help with how shitty you're feeling. The question is, do you want the baby? You still have options and time to decide what option is right for you (not your partner, but you) and seeing a counsellor is a good step.

@mrt1981

Thank-you to every single person who took the time to tell me about their own experiences. I am definitely finding it hard to think straight. I am going to see a councillor on Monday

Good luck for Monday op I'm so glad this has helped Hugs to you x

I can only offer good luck OP

I felt horrendous during my pregnancies and genuinely considered termination the first time. I managed to get some tablets that made it bearable. I still felt awful but not wretched. I also reasoned that every day I got through was a day closer to my goal of being a mum. I didn't get nearly enough help because it was my first pregnancy and I didn't know any better. There is help out there.

Sickness is a good sign in pregnancy it indicates the baby is developing as they should be. It should also start to pass in the next few weeks. If you terminate do you plan to never have children as who's to say next time will not be worse?

Sickness is a good sign in pregnancy it indicates the baby is developing as they should be

This is a woefully ignorant thing to say and belittles and ignores the genuine suffering of the OP and many others. We are not talking about ‘normal’ MS here.

HG/extreme N&V are not signs of a healthy (or unhealthy!) pregnancy. They just are. And it’s awful.

YA absolutely NBU to feel this way.

I TTC for a year. Then had a miscarriage. Then finally got pregnant again and was so sick and miserable I spent days/weeks thinking that if only I wasn't pregnant.

So to feel that shitty without all the broodiness and trying I can totally understand. X

But it does pass. So whatever you decide try and take the sickness and tiredness out of the equation and look to the future and what's best down the line. X

Xxxx

I am so glad you are going to speak to someone. Well done for being brave.

If you try some things on this thread and they don't work please don't get disheartened.

Nothing worked for me until I was admitted to hospital. I had to accept that I had to take it day by day and very slowly. I didn't have another child and won't have another one. I was sick from 6 weeks until about 5 hours after baby was born. The sickness just disappeared. Just like that.

The only things I could keep down were :

Quarter pounder meals from macdonalds
Steak bakes
Salt and vinegar crisps
Rolo desserts.

For nine months. I think back now and my stomach flips over at the thought.

Don't be fobbed off by the Doctors. There are lots of meds you can take safely. Find a doctor who will work with you on this matter. Also ask for support from the mental health services. They will help you.

Also pregnancy sickness support.

I hope it works out for you .

I really feel for you. I was SO ill with all my pregnancies but it DOES pass. Please hang in there. It will get better. If you terminate, you may regret it always.

So many people played down my sickness because they, themselves, hadn't suffered or their partners/sisters/aunts, etc hadn't suffered. It's so incredibly frustrating and unhelpful. Please reconsider your thoughts on terminating. Xxxx

Do you want a child? Because that's the question really

Yanbu. I had hyperemesis and despite my baby being very, very wanted my pregnancy was a dark time. My DD is my joy but I will never have another baby as I cannot go through that again. The hyperemesis support thread on here is very good. Sending hugs your way.

I had hyperemesis and also considered termination as I was so unwell. Sick 40 odd times a day. Horrendous . I was lucky that it eased up a little here and there as I really wanted the baby and just tried to take it an hour at a time but I ended up signed off work most of my pregnancy and living on a drip and in a dark quiet room for 7 months . But it did ease a bit after 28 weeks and what got ne through was thinking well tomorrow I might wake up and feel better so I just have to get through today. Make sure you go the pss website and try different meds etc. Boys are older now and I did it twice and those dark days are still with me but feels like a long journey now “ah wasn’t so bad surely?!” Childbirth was the easiest bit of my pregnancy
Keep positive, you’re doing great

I've already posted on this thread in response to the OP, but just wanted to add something for the people who've said they got through one pregnancy but are never doing it again... People kept saying to me, "Every pregnancy is different, next time might be fine" and I didn't believe it. I figured if you're unfortunate enough to suffer with HG in the first place, that's just what pregnancy is like for you. But I did psych myself up to go through it a second time, and actually - my second pregnancy was a breeze by comparison. Not sickness-free, but just "normal" morning sickness. Obviously there are no guarantees and I can understand people not wanting to take the chance - but it's definitely not a given that if you'd had HG once, you'll have it again.

People kept saying to me, "Every pregnancy is different, next time might be fine" and I didn't believe it.

I'll second that my first pregnancy was lots of morning sickness and pelvic pain.
My second I was sick once, and a fraction of the pelvic pain. I was thinking I was carrying a girl and was surprised when it was another boy.

A friend who suffered HG wasn't as bad with her second pregnancy as she was with her first.

You really need to decide if you want the baby. Pregnancy is the means to an end.

The first weeks are dreadful, but rarely carry on. If you decide to terminate make it for better reasons because there will come a time when you actively want to have a baby, and these early symptoms will occur again. They are pretty much universal.

@puzzledpiece

The first weeks are dreadful, but rarely carry on. If you decide to terminate make it for better reasons because there will come a time when you actively want to have a baby, and these early symptoms will occur again. They are pretty much universal.

HG is not a universal feature of pregnancy and to suggest it is is really unhelpful.

I don't think it would be unreasonable in any way to have an abortion. If you don't want a baby. But I think it would be pretty unreasonable to have one because you don't like feeling like crap for a bit. In my first pregnancy, I felt a lot better at 10 weeks. That's only 2 to go. In my second, I didn't feel a LOT better. But I had more severe sickness from the start (multiple bouts of vomiting every day), and I still felt somewhat better around week 14.

The thing is that before I was pregnant, I almost always felt well. After I gave birth I felt pretty good too. Now I'm in my 40s, I have gallstones, a damaged disc in my back, migraines from nowhere, pain in my feet, terrible PMS, and I generally feel like crap compared to the way I felt at 30 or 35.

There's a danger that you'll have an abortion and then either a) immediately want to be pregnant again (I have had an abortion and immediately wanted to, even though I wasn't actually in a position / keen to have a baby then at all), or b) age and feel like crap a lot of the time anyway, and wish you'd gone through with a bit more of the pregnancy (but soon to be general) crapness for the enormous rewards.

Honestly, I would wait two weeks, have a scan and see. At eight weeks you're in the thick of it. In both my pregnancies that was the absolutely worst time. You may feel better in days. I felt as if I was dying at eight weeks pregnant, the lethargy and dizziness and almost feverish /shaking feeling as bad as the sickness.

Try to eat bland food much more often than you think. Crackers, oatcakes etc. Keep them by the bed and eat them in the night if you can, or before you try to get up to settle your stomach. And steer away from very large high fat meals. After my now long-running gallbladder problems I'm convinced that my pregnancy nausea was partly to do with that, partly because the feeling that I thought (much later) must be from the baby's feet locked under my ribs is now the feeling I have almost every day as I wait for my operation.

@ElsieBeard

OP hasn't got HG. She feels sick, tired and crappy. That's not HG. If it was she would look at being hospitalised and I'm sure it wouldn't have slipped her mind.

I also never said she has HG, just that early pregnancy is pretty awful with the nausea and tiredness. I had it, many women have it.

You need to learn to read what people write!

How are you doing OP?

What does "not exactly trying" mean? Some
People feel awful all 40 weeks. I felt better at 22 weeks. If I was just not using contraception without real thought of the consequences I would have a termination. Do you have kids OP?

[quote puzzledpiece]@ElsieBeard

OP hasn't got HG. She feels sick, tired and crappy. That's not HG. If it was she would look at being hospitalised and I'm sure it wouldn't have slipped her mind.

I also never said she has HG, just that early pregnancy is pretty awful with the nausea and tiredness. I had it, many women have it.

You need to learn to read what people write! [/quote]
I did. she said constant sickness, crippling fatigue and that she was in hell. The fact that she hasn't gone to hospital yet doesn't mean she does not have HG, in fact it should be treated before it gets to that stage. I think if it gets to the stage where a women is considering termination that is not a normal . your comment that she should have better reasons for termination do not come from a place of understanding .

www.pregnancysicknesssupport.org.uk/get-help/

OP this may be of use. ....I hope you are in a better place today.

Not normal as in a "normal " level of sickness.

I have been thinking about you as hg was such an awful part of my life. Good luck for tomorrow. Message me if you need any support