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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to not take son on Holiday

110 replies

pinksoda35 · 23/07/2020 09:47

We have booked a few days away in North Norfolk,staying on a caravan site for myself,Partner an our two boys(13 and 6)
Ideally we wanted a Cottage with 3 bedroom's but everything we looked at was already booked up.
The Caravan we have picked is only a 2bedroom but we paid extra for a double wide..it looks nice and is local to all the places we want to visit and the beach is on our doorstep.
My 13 is now complaining saying he does not want to go,he doesn't want to share a bedroom and he thinks it will be boring.
Admittedly some of the places we have picked to go to would be more suited to his younger brother,though we would also go to places he fancied...I have asked him what he would like to do and explained all of this to him but he refuses to even engage or just walks off!
My Mum will be coming to house and pet sit so he wants to stay with her.
I feel really upset by this...his disconnect with our family is upsetting.
Just everyday things like family bike rides or dog walks he won't take part!
We are booking to go out for a curry knowing he likes it and he has now turned to us and said he doesn't want to come.
He is only happy sat on his own either on his xbox or phone..we try so hard to include him but are always met with resistance,the times we have made him come he does nothing g but moan or pick fights with his brother and it runs what should be a nice day out,which I do not want this holiday to turn out like.
So would you all let him get this way and leave him with grandma?
Or make him come and pay money for someone totally ungrateful who will do everything to show his dislike?
I am quite upset that he wants to spend so little time with us and has no interests other than gaming and YouTube.

OP posts:

catgirl1976 · 23/07/2020 09:57

He’s 13. He doesn’t get to choose. Take him and give him short shrift if he sulks or plays up. He’ll enjoy it once he’s there

catgirl1976 · 23/07/2020 09:58

Oh and I’d be seriously reducing his x box time going forward too.

TheYellowOfTheEgg · 23/07/2020 09:58

It's not unusual for his age. He could stay at home with his grandmother. I'd let him do that. If he's moody on holiday it won't be much fun anyway.

Minimamame · 23/07/2020 10:00

I’d let him stay with granny if she is ok with that.

catgirl1976 · 23/07/2020 10:00

If he stays at home with grandma I’d take the x box to Norfolk with you.

Alloverthegrapevine · 23/07/2020 10:01

I think its usual for 13yos not to want to do these things but once they understand they have no choice they generally enjoy them more than they thought they would.

Alexandernevermind · 23/07/2020 10:02

Heart breaking but same with mine at that age. We just loaded them into the car anyway and found the outdoors and change of scenery did them the world of good.

monkeysox · 23/07/2020 10:03

Tell him to do as he's told

BrandNewShinyThings · 23/07/2020 10:03

@Alexandernevermind

Heart breaking but same with mine at that age. We just loaded them into the car anyway and found the outdoors and change of scenery did them the world of good.

This. Once he's older he can choose but at 13 we still made ours come, once he was there he always enjoyed it.

Spied · 23/07/2020 10:03

I'd leave him.
Yes, it's sad but what's the point of dragging him along to ruin the break for the rest of you.
His dbro is probably looking forward to his hols and it will really spoil it for him if DS 13 starts playing up.
I think once you've gone ds13 will have moments of regret but it will likely mean he's more open to holiday with you next year.
I know it's like you're giving him his own way but I'd really be concentrating on your other son and enjoying time together.

LtJudyHopps · 23/07/2020 10:07

He can sleep out on the sofa if he doesn’t want to share. When he’s paying his way he can make all the decisions he wants to. Sounds like a break from the Xbox is what he needs.

NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite · 23/07/2020 10:07

What does his GM think about it? Will your DS engage with her or just expect to get away with gaming and watching tube at her home? Why do you let him spend so much time on these things?

Will you make sure he cannot get into your home and be there himself?

UgaBaluga82 · 23/07/2020 10:11

Surely phones & Xboxes are treats for kids who are respectful and engage with family life?

Take his away until he learns that and definitely take him on holiday with you (& without the screens) it sounds like some outdoor time will do him good.

Isthisfinallyit · 23/07/2020 10:19

Will he still want to stay at home if it means no access to internet/xbox and tv? Because I wonder how much of this is screen addiction tbh. Do a practice run where you all go out for a whole day leaving him behind (with granny maybe) with no screen possibilities, see if he really can cope with being alone with inly granny for company.

Alexandernevermind · 23/07/2020 10:21

I also worry about the mental health for kids this age too, with everything else that's been going on. They have been isolated from the normal world for too long now, and spending too much time in their own company.

lufcaregoingup · 23/07/2020 10:22

At 13 I couldn't think of anything worse than being forced to do family activities I just wanted to be with my friends. I'd let him stay with his grandparent if she is ok with it.

Workingmum34 · 23/07/2020 10:26

We have a 14 year old. Some events are negotiable - going for a walk with another family - some are not - a holiday. He will be fine when he gets there. Might moan a but he’s a teenager and still very much a child!

Limit screen time and if they refuse to come take them with you - I have been out with the WiFi router and various devices in the car before. He isn’t choosing not to come with you he’s choosing to play on his phone etc.

Andahelterskelterroundmylittle · 23/07/2020 10:27

He goes along. Electronics stay at 🏡

thebabessavedme · 23/07/2020 10:30

Just tell him to be quiet and get on with it, He is 13, the choice is made for him, no discussion, no debate, and for gods sake dont take the bloody xbox away with you, he will survive!

he has to learn that we all sometimes have to do things we dont really want to do but the only way is to buck up and make the best of a bad job (if being taken on holiday by loving parents is really a 'bad job')

make sure you pack gin!

dontdisturbmenow · 23/07/2020 10:36

Oh yes, that certainly rings a bell. I cried at some holidays because the teenagers were so uninvolved, grumpy, argumentative and showed no interests in anything.

They are now young adults and I'm amazed when they recall things we did during these holidays as much fun. The things they didn't want to and were grumpy throughout!

They get over it and I love holidaying with them now. Totally different attitude.

Do take him, it's part of the journey of having kids, and somehow, you'll laugh later at those moments that make you want to cry at the time. Somehow, it does help with bonding even if it's an hour during the whole holiday.

Deep breaths, low expectations and don't let the annoyance and frustration take over.

OneForMeToo · 23/07/2020 10:42

Take him anyway. My 11 year old would love to not come camping but once his there he every so often forgets to put his grumpy face on and is caught secretly enjoying it. He too would rather have his Xbox and what not but this is our family no screen time time. They get their tablets for the drive and then they are removed.

Camphillgirl · 23/07/2020 10:46

Poor grandma. Is she happy to have grumpy teen for a week. At least X box keeps him quiet.

Sorry OP some teens are like this. Nothing helps. They grow out of it at 21 or 22. In the meantime they are obnoxious no matter what. Just be glad he is not dealing drugs or impregnating girls. I had three nightmare girls. As soon as one grew out of it the next one started and I had new younger Boyfriend at the time. With luck younger son will be all smiles.

Sorry to be bearer of bad news. You need patience of a saint

BTW they are all wonderful now. It’s a waiting game. Good luck.

ChristmasFluff · 23/07/2020 10:47

He needs a break from the x-box and to re-engage with family. Just completely ignore any moaning and groaning - tune it out. I'm thinking he'll have a tough first half of the week detoxing from the Xbox, and then he'll enjoy it

user1493494961 · 23/07/2020 10:50

Leave him behind but take the Xbox and phone with you.

OhCaptain · 23/07/2020 10:50

I don’t think it’s screen addiction. It’s being 13.

He sounds exactly like my boy but he doesn’t ruin days out, tbh. He moans a bit then just gets on with it.

Hates to do anything that involves the rest of the human race at the moment.

The only thing I will say is that we have shifted things a bit to suit all three of ours. It’s much, much easier to find things for younger kids to do but it’s not really fair on the older ones so we try to find a balance.

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