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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not take son on Holiday

110 replies

pinksoda35 · 23/07/2020 09:47

We have booked a few days away in North Norfolk,staying on a caravan site for myself,Partner an our two boys(13 and 6)
Ideally we wanted a Cottage with 3 bedroom's but everything we looked at was already booked up.
The Caravan we have picked is only a 2bedroom but we paid extra for a double wide..it looks nice and is local to all the places we want to visit and the beach is on our doorstep.
My 13 is now complaining saying he does not want to go,he doesn't want to share a bedroom and he thinks it will be boring.
Admittedly some of the places we have picked to go to would be more suited to his younger brother,though we would also go to places he fancied...I have asked him what he would like to do and explained all of this to him but he refuses to even engage or just walks off!
My Mum will be coming to house and pet sit so he wants to stay with her.
I feel really upset by this...his disconnect with our family is upsetting.
Just everyday things like family bike rides or dog walks he won't take part!
We are booking to go out for a curry knowing he likes it and he has now turned to us and said he doesn't want to come.
He is only happy sat on his own either on his xbox or phone..we try so hard to include him but are always met with resistance,the times we have made him come he does nothing g but moan or pick fights with his brother and it runs what should be a nice day out,which I do not want this holiday to turn out like.
So would you all let him get this way and leave him with grandma?
Or make him come and pay money for someone totally ungrateful who will do everything to show his dislike?
I am quite upset that he wants to spend so little time with us and has no interests other than gaming and YouTube.

OP posts:
tenredthings · 23/07/2020 10:53

My teens all went through a stage of separation when they wanted nothing to do with the family. ( they do improve with age ) I think it's part of growing up into an individual this regection of the family unit . Having forced teens in holidays which they then spoiled with their toxic moods I'd be inclined to say leave him at home.

TimeWastingButFun · 23/07/2020 10:54

I wouldn't leave him behind, but definitely try to get a bigger place if you possibly can.

bluebadgehelp101 · 23/07/2020 10:59

You admit that most of the activities are geared towards his brother, why is that? As upsetting as it is, I would let him stay with gran. A sulking child can really ruin a holiday.

blubberball · 23/07/2020 11:02

Watching with interest as my ds is a similar age, and I remember being a nightmare myself at this age. It's really hard having the different ages and interests, and trying to keep everyone happy.

millymollymoomoo · 23/07/2020 11:04

He’s 13. Of course everything you suggest is boring. Of course he doesn’t want to spend time with his family. He’s 13

Of course doesn’t mean you let him get his way but you do need to accept that he’s at an age where walking, cycling, being with his parents is not appealing !

TooOldForThis67 · 23/07/2020 11:06

Take him. My 11yr old son is the same. We are going camping. He'll have his phone and his Nintendo Switch for the journey and evenings but the rest of the time I'll expect him to engage with us and our activities. He is looking forward to it now as I've bigged up the things I know he'll like.

TooOldForThis67 · 23/07/2020 11:25

Also, could you not get Dad to spend a few afternoons with the 13 Yr old doing stuff he'll enjoy while you're with the younger one? For example my OH will be taking my son fishing and kayaking - quality one on one time, make him feel like his happiness/interests are important too.
My son is ASD, hates change and would be gaming 24/7 if I let him. He needs to be coaxed out of his comfort zones but ends up enjoying himself.

YgritteSnow · 23/07/2020 11:34

Surely phones & Xboxes are treats for kids who are respectful and engage with family life?

Well yes. I'm afraid at 13 he wouldn't get the choice to sit around gaming at home, he'd be coming and I'd be stopping pocket money and any kind of extra favours for kids who were so ungrateful and disrespectful and wanted to pick and choose what aspects of family life they want to be involved with. Because I get to pick and choose too in that case and I wouldn't be choosing to give lifts and generous pocket money Smile

MrsMop1964 · 23/07/2020 11:35

My own holiday memories of being 13 are of being dragged round stately homes , going for walks, and getting enforced fresh air. I would love to have stayed at home without my 3 younger siblings. I would have killed for some one to one attention from my gran and I still hate 'outdoorsy 'stuff now!
If you really don't want to/can't leave him don't take it personally if he doesn't want to join in- the disconnect is just part of growing up.

MintyMabel · 23/07/2020 11:38

Leave him with grandma. Having been on enforced crappy caravan holidays (with my grandparents) as a teenager, it taught me nothing other than never to go on a caravan holiday again. No, I didn't enjoy it when I got there, no it wasn't a break from anything. I returned feeling less relaxed or refreshed than when I left.

We plan holidays as a family, with everyone having a say on what we do. Anything else is selfish.

Freddiefox · 23/07/2020 11:42

What’s the family dynamic like? Does he like your partner? So they have a good relationship? If they is strained then maybe a week in a small space is something that will be difficult.

caringcarer · 23/07/2020 11:45

Time to take away internet access and Xbox. Our 14 year old has never been given one and is a lovely sports mad child. Loads of our friends with kids similar ages tell us they wish they had never got Xbox in house. One broke and parents refused to replace. Child is becoming more sociable again. At 13 parents decide. At 18 child decides for themselves. I made 16 year old come on holiday once and he really enjoyed it once there, despite complaining before we set off. Funny thing is he is now going to same place with a bunch of his mates at 24, and I have heard him saying what a lot of stuff there is to do there.

Mulhollandmagoo · 23/07/2020 12:00

It sounds as if the holiday would do him the world of good, no screens!! thats what will be the root cause of a lot of his bad moods and reluctance to engage with you - consoles are addictive!!

Sunshineandflipflops · 23/07/2020 12:03

Time to take away internet access and Xbox. Our 14 year old has never been given one and is a lovely sports mad child.

That's great but not every child is into sports, whether or not they have a games console. I could take away all my 12 year old's consoles and he would still not do any sport. He would become withdrawn as he and his friends all play together on the x box and while we have been confined to our houses and I have been working as as single parent, his x box has been great for him. He also likes going on holiday though so I don't think the two are mutually exclusive.

I have just booked a couple of days away glamping for me and my two (12 and 14) and I made sure to big up the 'fun' things like toasting marshmallows, going in a hot tub, sleeping in a tipi, etc. I have also been clear that it is a break away from screens and that we will be spending time together and playing games, exploring, etc.

It's difficult for you as you have quite a big age gap so must be hard to find things both your boys can be interested in but try and find something your older boy would like to do and involve him in the decision making and he may get more excited. I think I'd not be giving either of mine a choice in whether they came or not though at 12 and 14.

OhCaptain · 23/07/2020 12:16

Time to take away internet access and Xbox. Our 14 year old has never been given one and is a lovely sports mad child.

There aren’t enough eye rolls in the world.

My 13 year old is also lovely and sports mad. And he has a PlayStation. 🙄

MintyMabel · 23/07/2020 12:18

Our 14 year old has never been given one and is a lovely sports mad child

Plenty of sports mad children have access to gaming consoles.

SingingSands · 23/07/2020 12:18

Take him, why would you even think to leave him?

If you actually leave him behind he will feel terrible and it could drive the start of a very big wedge into your family. Tell him you love him and that you want him to come with you. He's only 13!

We have had similar over the years and by the time we've arrived on holiday the teen terror has calmed down and become our child again. They want to push back, it's in their nature, but they also want to be loved.

On holiday, away from peers and Xbox, with his family is miles better than at home, feeling left out and bitter and spiralling into further black moods.

MintyMabel · 23/07/2020 12:19

thats what will be the root cause of a lot of his bad moods and reluctance to engage with you

Careful you don't hurt yourself with that massive leap.

OhCaptain · 23/07/2020 12:21

That and being a normal, hormonal teenager. Hmm

OneForMeToo · 23/07/2020 12:21

If I took away my sons Xbox he still wouldn’t be out playing football or whatever as his a geeky kid not a sporty kid. The Xbox is what’s got him in with the sporty kids friendship circles as they game together.

AlwaysCheddar · 23/07/2020 12:25

We went to Lake District and the first few days without WiFi was a shocker for kids but then they were fine. He’s 13, he doesn’t get a choice. Though to be honest, a caravan holiday would suck imo.

Dozycuntlaters · 23/07/2020 12:25

It doesn't sound much fun to be honest, caravans are tiny at the best of times so I can understand why a 13 year old does not want to share with a 6 year old.

When my DS was that age, a bit older I think, I took him to Egypt with my friend and her daughter who was a lot younger. He didn't want to come but I insisted he did.......he really didn't enjoy it at all and I spent the whole week fretting he was bored. Leave your son with Granny otherwise he will ruin your holiday. He's getting to the age where he needs his privacy etc and his hormones will be running wild, it will be no fun and what if it pisses with rain. Your 6 year old will love having you to himself.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 23/07/2020 12:30

He doesn't get to choose...

He's 13, he's a child,!!!

Being bored is useful for kids, they can develop other interests.

I'd be rationing the screen time too!

There's enough evidence the damage it does to developing brains!

DDiva · 23/07/2020 12:31

Take him and the xbox, he gets to play the xbox if he joins in.

pooopypants · 23/07/2020 12:32

He's 13 FFS, why is he ruling the roost on this one??

Agree with PP - let him stay, if it comes to it. But electronics don't stay with him.

And he needs some ground rules re electronics - it sounds unhealthy

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