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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not take son on Holiday

110 replies

pinksoda35 · 23/07/2020 09:47

We have booked a few days away in North Norfolk,staying on a caravan site for myself,Partner an our two boys(13 and 6)
Ideally we wanted a Cottage with 3 bedroom's but everything we looked at was already booked up.
The Caravan we have picked is only a 2bedroom but we paid extra for a double wide..it looks nice and is local to all the places we want to visit and the beach is on our doorstep.
My 13 is now complaining saying he does not want to go,he doesn't want to share a bedroom and he thinks it will be boring.
Admittedly some of the places we have picked to go to would be more suited to his younger brother,though we would also go to places he fancied...I have asked him what he would like to do and explained all of this to him but he refuses to even engage or just walks off!
My Mum will be coming to house and pet sit so he wants to stay with her.
I feel really upset by this...his disconnect with our family is upsetting.
Just everyday things like family bike rides or dog walks he won't take part!
We are booking to go out for a curry knowing he likes it and he has now turned to us and said he doesn't want to come.
He is only happy sat on his own either on his xbox or phone..we try so hard to include him but are always met with resistance,the times we have made him come he does nothing g but moan or pick fights with his brother and it runs what should be a nice day out,which I do not want this holiday to turn out like.
So would you all let him get this way and leave him with grandma?
Or make him come and pay money for someone totally ungrateful who will do everything to show his dislike?
I am quite upset that he wants to spend so little time with us and has no interests other than gaming and YouTube.

OP posts:
Dozycuntlaters · 23/07/2020 12:33

He's 13, he's a child,!!!

See, I just don't get this mentality. Yes he's a child but he still has thoughts and feelings that need to be taken into consideration. Or does that only count when you're an adult. He has a loving granny he could stay with and enjoy his week off with, I bet she would love it too.

Waveysnail · 23/07/2020 12:36

12 year old had xbox, tv and phone confiscated this week. It's amazing- he is engaging with family so much more

Serendipity79 · 23/07/2020 12:37

I don't think people need to be rude about caravan holidays. some people love them - I know my kids do, and sometimes its what people can afford, especially this year.

OP - I personally wouldn't leave him at home. I did this a couple of times with my eldest and it led her to believe she had choices as to whether she attended a whole range of things, which caused a lot of upset for her dads side of the family when it came to her refusing to go to weddings and family meals. (She's now 21 and I learnt with my other kids!) Family hols include everyone, no one gets an option to stay home.

Try and find some activities that he will enjoy, and he can have an hour of gaming when its convenient. And he wont suffer from sharing with his brother, plenty of kids have to share rooms on holidays.

OhCaptain · 23/07/2020 12:37

He’s not ruling the roost!

OP has admitted that there are a lot of activities planned geared toward a six year old.

You really don’t think it’s ok for a 13 year old not to be thrilled at that prospect?

I feel like a lot of these replies are from posters who don’t have kids that age yet, or had teens when consoles weren’t such a huge part of kids’ lives.

Gogogadgetarms · 23/07/2020 12:39

I’ll take him. You could offer him the sofa if he’s that fussed about sharing a room. I’ll try and make some concessions to him to make it appear that you are listening but I’d still want him to join.

Gogogadgetarms · 23/07/2020 12:40

*I’d not I’ll (I’m not taking your child!)

Shizzlestix · 23/07/2020 12:41

A friend’s slightly older son spent the whole fortnight in St Lucia (!!) crouching in the corner of the bathroom where he could get a good signal.

Purplepie78 · 23/07/2020 12:45

It’s really hard with these young teens. Mine are 13 and 14 and we Have our own caravan. Last year my 14 year old starting moaning about coming saying it was boring and there was no one to talk to. My son gas always been so happy there. He has a group of friends, plays out all say in the fresh air and loves the beach. This season it’s been mostly closed so we want to go most weekends to make up fir that but he’s starting complaining and only wants to come if his mates are there. Family circumstances mean it’s almost impossible to have any other kind of holiday so I’m really upset as it’s just not worth the money if the kids want to stay home. I’d let him stay with your mum to be honest. Nothing worse than a sulky teen!

julesover40 · 23/07/2020 12:47

@Workingmum34

We have a 14 year old. Some events are negotiable - going for a walk with another family - some are not - a holiday. He will be fine when he gets there. Might moan a but he’s a teenager and still very much a child!

Limit screen time and if they refuse to come take them with you - I have been out with the WiFi router and various devices in the car before. He isn’t choosing not to come with you he’s choosing to play on his phone etc.

This! I have a 13 yo DD who doesn't always want to engage/ join in with family activities. I pick my battles, local trips geared more towards my 7 yo she is allowed to miss. Larger family gatherings, birthday treats and celebrations and holidays are not negotiable. I usually find that after a few moans she joins in and enjoys herself (not that she would admit to it)
Sunshineandflipflops · 23/07/2020 12:52

Bit harsh on caravan holidays. I have taken my children to the South of France most years they have been alive and stayed in a mobile home (which I'm assuming is more what op means) and we've always had brilliant holidays. Some mobile homes are bigger than a lot of people's flats I've been in.

Package holidays packed like sardines into a hotel however, bring me out in hives so each to their own!

AryaStarkWolf · 23/07/2020 12:55

It's a tough one, 13 is still quite young and I wouldn't be happy leaving him to sit in front of his screen for days either but It's also shit having to deal with a moody teen when you're trying to have a good time

YgritteSnow · 23/07/2020 13:00

He has a loving granny he could stay with and enjoy his week off with, I bet she would love it too.

Sure. He doesn't want to go on holiday with his family because it will be "boring" but will be all excited about and get a big kick out of time alone with granny at home instead Hmm

Dozycuntlaters · 23/07/2020 13:05

Well yes Ygritte because he will be at home with his stuff, his mates, his granny and his pets.

I do love Mumsnet.....when they're under 18 they're just kids and must do as we say with no questions....

When they're over 18 they're adults and we must do nothing for them

Meanwhile back in the real world......

underneaththeash · 23/07/2020 13:07

Well you can't expect him to do activities all week that suit the 7 year old and not him. Just alternate when they don't want to do the same thing - bewilderwood one day, then watersports for him the next. If he doesn't want to go out to a certain place one day, just leave him at the caravan.

There's lots of things that they'll both enjoy - crabbing, there's a few go ape type places, boat trips to see the seals.

Sunshineandflipflops · 23/07/2020 13:10

Oh, I love Bewilderwood and I am in my 40's!

rookiemere · 23/07/2020 13:12

I'd leave him with granny with strict gaming times for the xbox. Yes he might enjoy the holiday when he got there, but this way everyone is happy.

WuhWuh · 23/07/2020 13:20

He has a loving granny he could stay with and enjoy his week off with, I bet she would love it too

Yeah .. let's pretend his preference to stay home with granny is nothing to do with wanting to sit on his Xbox all week and everything to do with just wanting a lovely week to spend with his Gran Hmm

Having children this age in our house, I guarantee it's because he thinks he'll be able to game all week whilst you're away. I'd make him come.

LetitiaMartin · 23/07/2020 13:22

Well you can't expect him to do activities all week that suit the 7 year old and not him.

Well, op isn't expecting that, is she? She says they've planned some activities that will suit the younger one, but would also do things to suit the older boy - but he refuses to engage when asked what he would like to do.

And as for leaving him with Grandma - Grandma signed up to house sit and pet sit, not to be responsible for a 13 yo who will spend all day glued to the x-box. She might have plans for how she wants to spend the time which don't include supervising a teenage boy.

WuhWuh · 23/07/2020 13:25

And as for leaving him with Grandma - Grandma signed up to house sit and pet sit, not to be responsible for a 13 yo who will spend all day glued to the x-box. She might have plans for how she wants to spend the time which don't include supervising a teenage boy

Exactly this as well. It really is not a thrilling time sitting in a house 'minding' a child whilst they game all day. Would he likely moan just as much if his grandma wanted to go out with him for the day? Not very fun for or fair on her if so.

OhCaptain · 23/07/2020 13:27

To be fair even the way the OP worded it sounded like they’d planned stuff for the younger one and not the older. Except going for curry. Hmm

I’m not advocating leaving him home, because I wouldn’t. I just sometimes feel like teens are expected to get on with it when other age groups are specifically catered for!

Livpool · 23/07/2020 13:27

Doesn't the sitting area turn into a bed? If so he can sleep there.

Take him along and he will enjoy himself - just being a typical teenager

okiedokieme · 23/07/2020 13:28

He goes with you, end of. With caravans usually there's a converie bed in the living area if the sleeping arrangements are the main issue (probably not!). With such a big age gap, perhaps split up a couple of days when doing the "6year old stuff" so your teen can do something not appropriate for a 6 year old?

Frazzled2207 · 23/07/2020 13:29

I’d be taking him at 13.
Perhaps at 15 might leave him behind.
However why don’t you research the area together and try and balance it out in terms of what both boys want to do. To keep the peace I don’t think taking the console with you is a totally ridiculous idea as long as it’s limited to evenings (not including mealtimes.)
Perhaps he could play for a bit when younger son has gone to bed.
Could he sleep in the lounge section? If sharing is always an issue I think you might need to get a 3 bed.

Stannisbaratheonsboxofmatches · 23/07/2020 13:31

I’d make him come at age 13. Definitely still young enough to have to do as you’re told!

Stannisbaratheonsboxofmatches · 23/07/2020 13:33

My Dd is almost 12 and tends to enjoy things once she gets there!