To tell people that my twins are five?

[lukasiak]

Even though they technically don't turn five until November?

Dh is in a right hump about it. He thinks by me telling everybody that they are already five that it makes people place age inappropriate expectations on them. I think it's all just semantics, and those who actually need to know their real age know it. It's a bad habit I picked up from my mother, and my older children have survived me rounding their age up once their birthdays drew close with out being labelled as having additional needs, as seems to be DH's primary concern.

Is it really that big of a deal?

You say it doesn't do any harm but it actually does.
My father did the same thing so I was always nearly a year older in his eyes than I actually was in reality.
It made me resent my father because he didn't know how old I was and clearly didn't care enough to get it right.
I'm with your husband on this, just get it right - it isn't hard

@TinySleepThief

Can I just clear up that I don't tell them they're five. They know full well that they are four.

I dont see how you can be confident that they know they are 4 when you often tell people they are 5 in front of them.

Exactly. My mother used to do this sort of thing to us all the time because she's a raging narcissist who didn't give a toss that we found it confusing & upsetting.

Children really care about their age. You must know this. Every time they hear you tell someone the wrong age for them, you're telling them that their feelings aren't important to you.

This is really , really odd not to mention confusing for your children - you might not tell them directly they they're 5 but they'll hear you tell other people.
Just say their real ages!
Bizarre

You sound completely nuts. They are four years old. Full stop.

Why do you reply they are 5? They aren't even close to 5, November is months away. I

This is one of the weirdest things I've read on here. Nonsensical

Yabu and really rather silly, they are four. Why lie?

So your eldest and youngest get their actual years correct and your middle children fit around them? Does this happen for lots of things?

He is right, it is very weird. Your older kids might have 'survived' this weirdness but I doubt they love it. To only exist in time in relation to a sibling who has the earliest birthday in the year is pretty dehumanising. 8 months of being a particular age is two thirds of their whole year lost! It just suggests you don't care enough about them being individuals to actually take note of their real ages and birthdays and acknowledge them as separate beings.

People do have expectations of behaviour that are loosely connected around ages. Saying 'almost' 5 in the handful of weeks before their birthday is fine. But this is crazy.

My DS managed not to get confused when he had other parents assuming he was a year older (despite being on the small side for his age) because of the school year he was in. He had a mix of age five and six cards on his fifth birthday as most children were turning six in his year. He still knew he was five!

When they go back to school in September (or if), what happens if they start telling people they are five when they aren't?

It's a lie for Heavens sakes; not a 'biggie' but a pointless, stupid lie.

My son is 41 in exactly three months. Do I tell people he is forty one? How ridiculous can you get. Honestly!

Do your twins not tell you in front of the strangers their actual age?
I was once looking after my children, my nieces and a friends child and got asked their ages (8 months between each child)- I accidentally got my daughter and niece mixed up and my daughter corrected me immediately.

It might be that your twins don’t know their actual age if they don’t mention it.

You sound like a horrible, horrible mother...I've read your other posts on other threads and you need help! You are abusing your children. You are controlling and manipulative. I can't actually believe your DH has not done something to protect them before now...

You have stated in another thread that you hit your children...and would continue to do so even if it were made illegal in law! You punish them for being lazy by closing the gate on an ice rink and telling them to 'skate or freeze' (one can only presume that they are not clothed in appropriate cold weather garments by this statement!) You also said that you only follow the laws that you agree with and 'ignore the rest'!

And now this...which is just batshit! Your poor children 😥

@ChaoticCatling

My DS managed not to get confused when he had other parents assuming he was a year older (despite being on the small side for his age) because of the school year he was in. He had a mix of age five and six cards on his fifth birthday as most children were turning six in his year. He still knew he was five!

See I would argue thats entirely different because it wasn't his own mother saying he was older and it was presumably only on his actual birthday. These children hear it constantly from their own mother every time someone asks their age.

It's not that difficult to say they will be 5 in November, rather than say they are 5. What is the benefit?
We had this when my dc was in lower primary. My dc said one of the children was adamant she was an age above, which was impossible to be. I simply thought for some reason, that child was delayed and in a wrong year. But maybe her parents were like you. Very odd.

My mum does this to me, but only (that I recall) now I'm older. So she'll say "oh you're 38"
And I have to say "can I get to 37 first please"

I just assume that I'm not important enough for her to actually remember how old I am. She was 30 when I was born, so it's not exactly difficult for her to work out, since she manages to get her own age correct.

it's just weird , not heard of this before . Did you say they were one when they were eight months old

My mum used to do this, it annoyed the hell out of me. It’s weird!

YABU. Saying they are already 5 at this time of year implies they are at school. That does place expectations from others on their behaviour. November is ages away! Nuts.

Why?! I mean, you'll have to pay bus fares for them. You'll be charged extra at zoos and theme parks. It's not even true. Madness!

If you really want to persist with this nonsense then do it correctly, 'they're in their fifth year'.

I find it even weirder that you're only allowing your older daughter to be the correct age for four months of the year.

For young children, ages matter. I can remember that being able to say I was six after my birthday was a big deal, and I was terrifically proud of myself. By going around telling people that a five year old is six, you're taking that away from them.

@GinWithRosie she’s obsessed with controlling her children. Her three year old is forced to do 9 hours of sport a week because SHE wants one of her younger children to be a figure skater. Her 16 year old does 38 hours a week and that’s seemingly a disappointment because SHE wanted him to be a Ballet dancer.

Narcissistic controlling abusive woman.

I find it quite odd to round up like that,

With DD for the first few months after her birthday I say she was 2 in January, now she's 2.5, and as we get to November/December I will say she's 3 in January. I think as PPs say it makes people expect age appropriate behaviours, and particularly at this age a couple of months makes a huge difference

I guess as she's older i won't mention the 2.5, I don't think she would want to be told she's 15.5!

Weird. I’m 58. I don’t round it up to 59 or 60. Except when I’m feeling lazy and want my adult DC to do something for me - then I try telling them I’m nearly 60 in the hope they will make me the cup of tea/G&T.

Just because your mum did something odd there’s no need for you to follow in her footsteps.