To think you can’t really say you’re shielding....

[2020wasShocking]

So you can’t help out with childcare for one grandchild (when both parents work and are struggling for childcare but don’t want to lose job)

....but you have another grandson staying with you for a weeks holiday?

Someone staying for a week is different to someone coming and going / ?pickups.

It's up to them tbh.

My ex's parents had my kids full time during covid as I'm a nurse and they were afraid of catching it from me, understandably. However both their sons were still working at the time and were going round the house every day (they all live very close to each other) and this really bloody annoyed me that I was seen as the dirty one despite wearing full ppe and having no covid staff sickness. I've got no advice to offer and my kids are back now thank god but just wanted to say I sympathise.

@username58

My ex's parents had my kids full time during covid as I'm a nurse and they were afraid of catching it from me, understandably. However both their sons were still working at the time and were going round the house every day (they all live very close to each other) and this really bloody annoyed me that I was seen as the dirty one despite wearing full ppe and having no covid staff sickness. I've got no advice to offer and my kids are back now thank god but just wanted to say I sympathise.

Thank you. I can’t see why you were miffed too, as you say, if they’ve got people in and out all day then it defeats the point!!

No, that’s not shielding. People bandy this word shielding around inaccurately a lot.

However, if they don’t want to do the childcare, that’s their prerogative.

No that is not shielding. But GP's sound like they don't want to take on more permanent childminder role (which is their call). Is visiting GS staying on his own or with parents?

When I was pregnant with my first dc, my mil told me (unprompted) that she was not going to be the type of grandparent that spends her time looking after grandchildren and was going to live her life. I thought at the time "well that's telling me!". That is/was her choice, she stuck to it and it's fair enough.

I thought shielded people were allowed to social bubble 1 person? So the holiday grandson may have been the 1 person they agreed to and your DS would be #2 and not allowed?

Found it. It’s social bubble with. 1 household of any size. So the grandson staying and his parents are their 1 household. Adding you, would br against shielding rules.
www.gov.uk/government/news/plans-to-ease-guidance-for-over-2-million-shielding

Here is full guidance. So they ARE shielding in accordance with 6th July guidance.
www.gov.uk/government/publications/guidance-on-shielding-and-protecting-extremely-vulnerable-persons-from-covid-19/guidance-on-shielding-and-protecting-extremely-vulnerable-persons-from-covid-19

YABU

Having a GC to stay for just a single week ....

is very different to having to pick up a GC from school Monday-Friday who has been mixing with 100 others
and coming into contact every time with a crowd of other people picking up kids

It's also more work to collect Mon-Fri and then look after them for hours,
for all those weeks, rather than one week where the kid stays put

Yes, also breaks shielding advice

.. if they collect your kid every day, I mean

As others have said, shielders can mix with another person.

It's down to each shielder to take whatever preventions they need to reduce their risk whilst having a life based on their health.

Just because GP had the child for a block of time, doesn't mean they have to have any of their other grandchildren for 5 days. In time they may do this for all the grandchildren individually or not.

As pp have explained they could still be shielding. Or it could be they are trying to let the person down gently because they don't want the responsibility of regular childcare.

And just because the government have also advised shielders they can stop in August, doesn't mean they aren't still at risk. They were at risk before CV.

So they’ll be looking after 1 grandchild for 5 consecutive days.

They’d be looking after mine for maybe 3 random days in the whole summer holidays, when we’re absolutely desperate and literally can’t do anything other than phone I’m sick.

So they wouldn’t be picked up from school.

I get that one household is allowed but I think it’s shit to chose one GC over the other. That’s in theory what they’ve done. Also the other parents don’t work, ones a teacher and the order doesn’t work.

Of course they don’t need to do anything, it’s not their prerogative to look after children- but then seems crap to do it for one and not the other

I thought childminders had opened up again. Is that not an option for you?

I think you are being over sensitive and this is more about the fact that they are looking after their other grandchild. You haven’t said why they are looking after him or how often she sees him, did the other parents asked first?

It is obvious - They don't want to be regular childcare for you. They would probably be happy to have their grandchildren including your child randomly for a few days in a row but they don't want you to rely on them as regular childcare. Find a childminder or babysitter.

It isn't picking one grandchild over another, grow up. It's considering the routes of transmission and what would up the infection rate. You both going to work everyday, especially now people are flying etc and they don't know what your colleagues are upto, is massively upping their risk.

If they were shielding because they were vulnerable, you are being massively selfish.

How clinically vulnerable are they and how old is your child?

I get that one household is allowed but I think it’s shit to chose one GC over the other. That’s in theory what they’ve done. Also the other parents don’t work, ones a teacher and the order doesn’t work.

Are they planning on self isolating before that week. There’s a big difference in risk between the two scenarios. They could decide not to take the other grandchild, but that will just result in them not seeing either grandchild.

I think that is a bit rubbish tbh. But it is their choice obviously.

So they are doing childcare for you? 3 days of it? But the other grandchild is getting 5 days childcare? Is that the issue? 2 days extra childcare when you feel you need it more than the other family?

They aren’t choosing one gc over another but one circumstance over another. If I were vulnerable I too would strongly prefer to have one household be in my bubble for a week and stay In my space rather than Randomly be required to go out to a school to pick up a grandchild.
Possibly thoughtless of them not to explain to you but tbh it’s pretty obvious to me why this is safer - far safer - for them.

Might be wrong but this is what I’d think rather than jumping to any other conclusion.
Good luck with the coming weeks/months op - does sound hugely stressful - this really has been tough hasn’t it ?

No @BumblebeeBum they're choosing not to do those three days of childcare that the OP needs. That's the issue.

It depends, maybe they class you as higher risk than the other gc family. You said they aren’t working atm so they may be effectively avoiding contact with others and so very low risk for passing anything on. If you and your dh are going out to work and mixing with other people you’re higher risk to pass it on to them and they may be v concerned about this. They ABU not to explain this properly to you if this is the case, but I don’t think they are necessarily BU about the decision. Unfortunately many people are struggling big time with childcare issues atm through all this, your problem isn’t a lone one, and I fear it’ll be women having to take the brunt of the stress and days off.