To think you can’t really say you’re shielding....

[2020wasShocking]

So you can’t help out with childcare for one grandchild (when both parents work and are struggling for childcare but don’t want to lose job)

....but you have another grandson staying with you for a weeks holiday?

Ok, I admit I have probably misread the food parcel bit. But I’ve also seen reports of shielded people with no support going to shops for essentials in the threads complaining about lack of online delivery slots and so on. Sorry for that.

You’re quite right- but why isn’t it across the bored? Why is it this view for one set of GD and another view for another set.
According to your own posts one grandchild is staying for a holiday at their grandparents' and the other is a childcare situation. If grandparents are happy for a grandchild to have a holiday then that is separate to one of their children wanting them to provide childcare.

Shielded people can make there own decisions about what is best for them. Ds received the shielding letter. He has gone to school throughout because for him it was still more risky staying home. He has gone out for exercise throughout. He won't be going into shops, to social events or to anywhere where there are lots of random people for the foreseeable future. The 'can' is just guidance and everyones circumstances are difference.

Well the GPs think they are shielding whether they are actually required to or not. I can see that is frustrating because I think we all know people who are very OTT and risk adverse with Covid.
But there is probably no telling the GPs to stop being ridiculous and not go through motions of shielding.

If they are your parents, OP, I think you should quietly tell them how disappointed you are that they can't help you keep your job by having your child for a mere 3 days over the 6 week summer holiday period. Their grandchild will be going without a lot of things in future if you lose that job, and you have done everything you can to find childcare for those three days. You've noticed they're happy to have your non-working sister's child for a whole week. Why is that, out of curiosity?

If they are your spouse's parents, he should be having this conversation with them.

But, yes, it makes you think. Favoritism? Patter of favoritism? If so, really really sucks, and I'd take a huge step back if that's in play, too.

I would start asking friends if they can swap and have your child for those 3 days and you can have theirs in exchange on a day when you're home. Needs must, and so long as everyone is being reasonably careful, I would just do it. (I teach in a primary school, have been relatively surrounded by 6 year olds for the last 2 months in class, and just use a lot of soap and water and hand gel.)

@RoseAndRose

"Why is it this view for one set of GD and another view for another set."

Do you actually want your DC to have a week's holiday with them (ie what the other DGC is having)?

Not a weeks holiday, just 3 days of childcare or for them to offer to have my DC 1 day even....

I'm generally finding the "we can't, we're shielding" thing a little wearing.

A close friend of mine won't even come for a socially distanced outside walk because her WFH husband has asthma... As far as I know, neither her, nor their 2 kids have left the house properly since March.

I'm getting quite concerned about them tbh.

[quote PlanDeRaccordement]Found it. It’s social bubble with. 1 household of any size. So the grandson staying and his parents are their 1 household. Adding you, would br against shielding rules.
www.gov.uk/government/news/plans-to-ease-guidance-for-over-2-million-shielding[/quote]
From the guidance you linked to: a social bubble is a single person or a single parent joining another household of any size.

It is not:

• a child with two parents going to stay with GP for a week

It isn't shielding nor a social bubble, whether or not you can go to the shops.

I’d tell work that my child is sick on the 3 days you have no childcare. They can’t sack you for taking parental leave and you don’t need a drs note for a 24hr illness.

I can see why you are annoyed. Your not asking for regular childcare, but 3 specific days. And the GP are not really shielding and happy to look after another GC.

Either they just don't want to look after your DC for some reason (do they consider them harder work or something?).

Or they are genuinely anxious about the virus and see them as a bigger risk. This could be true if you and your partner are back at work and your DC are using other childcare as well. It's their prerogative, but in their shoes I would have tried to explain why I'd come to that decision.

@LolaSmiles

You’re quite right- but why isn’t it across the bored? Why is it this view for one set of GD and another view for another set. According to your own posts one grandchild is staying for a holiday at their grandparents' and the other is a childcare situation. If grandparents are happy for a grandchild to have a holiday then that is separate to one of their children wanting them to provide childcare.

So 5 days looking after GC is ok 3 days or even 1 day looking after other GC not ok?

Because one is a ‘holiday’ and the other is ‘helping out parents in a pandemic with no alternatives’

The semantics is irrelevant- the job is still equally the same

@back2good

If they are your parents, OP, I think you should quietly tell them how disappointed you are that they can't help you keep your job by having your child for a mere 3 days over the 6 week summer holiday period. Their grandchild will be going without a lot of things in future if you lose that job, and you have done everything you can to find childcare for those three days. You've noticed they're happy to have your non-working sister's child for a whole week. Why is that, out of curiosity?

If they are your spouse's parents, he should be having this conversation with them.

But, yes, it makes you think. Favoritism? Patter of favoritism? If so, really really sucks, and I'd take a huge step back if that's in play, too.

I would start asking friends if they can swap and have your child for those 3 days and you can have theirs in exchange on a day when you're home. Needs must, and so long as everyone is being reasonably careful, I would just do it. (I teach in a primary school, have been relatively surrounded by 6 year olds for the last 2 months in class, and just use a lot of soap and water and hand gel.)

This. It’s partners parents unfortunately it I don’t think I could but my tongue 😂

But yes it does feel really crap tbh

Far more likely that they think the OP and her husband are taking more risks, i.e. working in close proximity to others, maybe socialising, maybe doing other things, hence it's riskier for them to look after the OP's child. Maybe the parents of their other GC havn't been going to work, havn't been socialising etc and therefore pose less of a risk?

We've been shielding and I've been keeping my distance from my sister because she's not taken any of the restrictions seriously at all since day one. She works in a healthcare setting and has been flippant about catching it/passing it on throughout - she's even been gloating about only wearing her mask and using sanitiser etc when her boss was around. Then she took offence when we didn't go to her birthday party back in April (that she shouldn't have been having anyway!).

Clymene

Let’s actually discuss the text in the guidance and not you cut and paste version:

“you may also form a ‘support bubble’ with one other household if you want to, but one of the households in the ‘support bubble’ should be a single adult household (either an adult living alone or with children under 18 only).”

Should be= recommended. If it said must be , then you’d be correct that a social bubble has to be with a household of 1 or single parent.

However, the GC is going and visiting the GPs alone. There won’t be all 3 of them staying. Risk can also be managed by having the GC self isolate before going over to stay for a weeks visit. It’s not incompatible with shielding.

I can't see if you've said whether those days will be random, how much warning there will be, or whether they are pre-planned days.

If random I don't think the GPs want to have to wait to see whether they will be available; they don't want to have to change plans. If the days are pre-planned, then I have no idea what their excuse is.

Having a GC stay over for a five day holiday is a different thing entirely though. It's something that is planned. Do they not like sudden changes or unplanned happenings, OP? They may just be too set in their ways to accommodate something that happens without loads of warning/planning.

Very hard to understand this post. But in essence I would say you don’t like them anyway. They probably don’t like you. That might even extend to your child.

Or they haven’t understood what you are asking.

As pp have said, shielding people can now have ONE person from outside their bubble, but more would be breaking the rules. And one week's holiday (where the grandparents have control of where the child goes) may seem less risky than picking the child up from school several times. And unfortunately the very reason why you need the care more than your sibling/ IL is also a reason why it's likely to be more risky for a shielding couple: you are both working outside the home, with more risk of bringing home germs, and your child is therefore attending school at a time when many aren't, while the other family appear to be at not nearly the same risk of exposure.

I must admit. I'd be fine seeing someone from a household where no-one was working and therefore minimal mixing with other people, but I'd shy away from seeing someone from a household where 2 family members were going to work and mixing with others on a daily basis. What is being asked might seem similar, but in reality the risk profile is very, very different.

In addition, it's perfectly possible that they've asked the household of the grandchild that is visiting to self-isolate for 14 days in preparation (its what I would do in that situation), however they absolutely know that due to your work commitments its not something that your household could do.

I think you need to put your efforts into finding childcare (holiday clubs/childminders/family friends/playdate swaps etc) and not into blaming your children's grandparents for not wanting to risk their health to provide you with childcare, which is a perfectly reasonable choice for them to make. Your childcare problems are your responsibility to solve, not theirs.

Oh FGS you really are being beyond absurd @PlanDeRaccordement.

Yes it’s their daughters child! Your bang on

There is your answer OP. They may be shielding-ish, they may be scared of germs but not when it comes to their DD's children as they would probably not want to upset her or let her down.

I would not waste another second pondering over this and letting it spoil my DC's childhood and family life. Let them crack on with it. SIL can pick up the slack and pay back the help and favouritsim she has had when they are older. I am beholden to no-one and it is blissssss.

I think it's shitty OP. Of course they ARE entitled to say no if they don't want to, just as you will be if they ever need any favours. I'd just keep it in mind!

"The semantics is irrelevant- the job is still equally the same"

Only if your needs are three full days together where DC would stay as if on holiday

And even then the infection risk profile is probably not the same, especially you work outside the home and mix with many people, whereas other household has no-one WOH at present.

@Clymene

Oh FGS you really are being beyond absurd *@PlanDeRaccordement*.

Yes, it can seem absurd to quibble over exact wording. I deal with technical and legal documents, mostly government ones all day long as part of my job, so learning the nuanced difference between things like “can” versus “should” versus “must” were essential. The Government don’t use those words interchangeably. They pick them for their specific meanings as if they were in a court of law.

@PlanDeRaccordement

Because my job moved us internationally a lot, we raised our 4 DCs without having any childcare support from family. We both work/worked full time. To me there is an element of you seeming to blame the GPs for not being willing or able to solve your childcare issue. I don’t think it’s horrible of them to expect you to be independent adults and arrange your own childcare.

Yes. Would the OP be satisfied if the grandparents cancelled the visit from the other grandchild as now things would be "fair" in her eyes?

Yes. Would the OP be satisfied if the grandparents cancelled the visit from the other grandchild as now things would be "fair" in her eyes

@choli

What a strange way to look at it.....