40+ year old women posting selfies on social media - is this a new trend?

[bogeywoman]

Quite a few of my friends/acquaintances have recently started posting very posed selfies (without much in the way of a description) on FB and instagram. Women who are well into their 40s, married with children. Is this some sort of lockdown related insecurity? I find it so strange.

Why are you bothered

im in my 30s, most of my pictures are of my children and cat, but i do post selfies usually when ive changed something like new hair, new nose ring or something, i think its a generational thing tbh, people who get worked up about them, just sound really old fashioned and out off touch, i died my hair violet recently over lockdown, thought bugger it, got loads of compliments my mum said why do i want to look like a mermaid? aren't i a bit old?? , i think that opinion made her sound fuddyish tbh. come on people its 2020!!! its nice women over 40 feel confident x

I agree it's weird OP. I'm in my 30s and I find it weird when my friends and family my age post selfies on Facebook.

I understand "This is my new haircut" or a photo in a new place but just now someone I went to uni with has posted about five selfies in different poses in the same place so she's not showing where she is. It makes me think she's a bit odd and not very bright. That could be unfair of me but it's what I think.

I think the age does make a difference as it is something people do now that I find odd but I can forgive a teenager or early 20-something more easily.

Nothing to do with age a and everything to do with vanity/look at me attitude. Teenagers are forgiven as they’re yet to grow up but adults should know better. Is it really worth it to get replies saying “Gorgeous hun, you’re so pretty, sexy lol, what a babe, flame emojis???

I think we are on the same page.

@Northernsoullover

The wrong side of 40? Charming. I don't like selfies at whatever age. Its attention seeking behaviour. I wouldn't ever say so in real life.

Social media is a big thing in the younger generation. I much prefer the days before Facebook as a young person however we can’t control that so you do have to move with the times unfortunately. Just because it’s not to your taste leave others be.

Just because it’s not to your taste leave others be.

PP said she'd never say anything IRL so she is leaving others be. PP is entitled to share their opinion on an Internet forum just as you are.

@lilgreen, Vanity is having an excessively high opinion of ones appearance. So I’m definitely not vain. In fact I’d say generally I don’t have a high opinion of my appearance. So, on the days I feel like I look nice, and a nice photo happens, I use those photos to raise my self-worth. That’s not vanity that self-care. And if the by product is that a few people say I look nice, then that’s fine by me.

Yeah didn't you know that once a woman hits 40 she has to become COMPLETELY invisible, as she is now an Old Hag and probably unfuckable therefore totally irrelevant. Oh, unless you need her to raise children, work for less than her male counterpart, cook, clean, do dishes, give blow jobs and organise everything. Then she can become un-invisible but she must strictly remain invisible for any other reason.

Women. Know Your Place.

I must admit I’m not a fan of the selfie from anyone, male, female, 20, 40,70... I find duck face and cats bum lips totally Ridiculous looking and ultimately fake and I do in my own wee mind silently judge people who crave acceptance from others regarding their looks... BUT I have this wonderful thing called a thumb and I scroll on by because it clearly serves a purpose to the poster and fulfills a need they have.

@AliceinBunnyland

I agree it's weird OP. I'm in my 30s and I find it weird when my friends and family my age post selfies on Facebook.

I understand "This is my new haircut" or a photo in a new place but just now someone I went to uni with has posted about five selfies in different poses in the same place so she's not showing where she is. It makes me think she's a bit odd and not very bright. That could be unfair of me but it's what I think.

I think the age does make a difference as it is something people do now that I find odd but I can forgive a teenager or early 20-something more easily.

Well you can’t find it that weird if your on social media what do you expect. You said yourself your friends & family do it.

Embarrassing whatever age. Just what do they want you to say? By all means look in your mirror and feel good if you like what you see, but it’s personal. Posing is so attention seeking.

Posing is so attention seeking

Absolutely every single thing posted on social media is attention seeking. Why is it that women posting photos of themselves is so specifically worthy of a 13 page debate?

And why is it so morally reprehensible to want some attention? Why does MN have such an obsession with castigating women it perceives to be doing this? Whence all this superior moral outrage that women should be quiet and invisible and want it that way?

So some woman wants her friends to tell her she looks nice. So fucking what? She's not kicking puppies or mugging people. She's also not creating internet pile ons to denigrate people, which I think is far more mean-spirited. If you don't want to participate, scroll on. If it's frequent enough to be a constant irritation for you, then mute them or ask yourself why you're connected to so many people that you don't like.

Well you can’t find it that weird if your on social media what do you expect. You said yourself your friends & family do it.

I'm on Facebook mainly for some groups that I'm in. I rarely post and actually I don't even scroll through my feed that much as people post all sorts of rubbish. Some friends and family do post selfies but not many of my friends or family over the age of about 25 do it other than a few I've noticed. Like I say a 19 year old, fine. Someone my age I went to uni with, it's weird. My cousin my age, it's weird. I just think they look a bit silly.

Obviously some of you who do this as adults are offended by this point of view but we are allowed to have a difference of opinion.

Nobody is saying it's "morally reprehensible"

So a very dear friend (who is comfortably over 40 and has kids but is absolutely gorgeous) posted a selfie this weekend. This friend has been through an absolutely horrific few months which have included a bereavement and serious illness.

I guess it was her way of saying "I'm back and I'm OK". Or maybe she just felt like posting a selfie. And people liked the hell out of it.

I was thinking about the nasty, small-minded attitude of many people on this thread when I saw that post and I actually thought anyone who dares to want to take down my friend for posting a selfie can take a flying fuck.

Maybe she was attention seeking and why the hell not. Maybe she just wanted to post a selfie. Let her and everyone else crack on without your nasty middle-aged judgement. Filters, bunny ears, bring it on.

I guess it was her way of saying "I'm back and I'm OK". Or maybe she just felt like posting a selfie. And people liked the hell out of it.

I understand this. I have a Facebook friend who lost her husband a couple of years ago and she has recently posted a few pics of her and her new boyfriend and I think it is to show everyone she is happy again. I don't think that's so strange.

I also don't think it's nasty and small minded to find it strange that some people regularly post pictures of themselves on the internet. We all use social media in different ways, or don't use it at all, and it's okay to have different opinions about that.

AliceinBunnyland

"I also don't think it's nasty and small minded to find it strange that some people regularly post pictures of themselves on the internet. We all use social media in different ways, or don't use it at all, and it's okay to have different opinions about that."

It's OK to have different opinions about people but in real life we tend to keep these to ourselves and we recognise that we are being subjective (and possibly unkind). What's quite striking is that of all the random nonsense people post on SM this is the issue which most exercises people. That on a discussion board mainly for women and quite often preoccupied with empowering and helping women, the thing which seems to upset people most is the idea that a woman would choose to post an image of herself on social media. What does that say about us?

You can argue that bunny ears are naff or filters are evidence of low self-esteem or whatever until the cows come home. I also personally think bunny ears are a bit naff and I wouldn't post them myself but I also think lots of things are naff. I would never in a million years presume to tell someone I thought their personal style or the way they styled their hair was naff or outdated or evidence of low self-esteem.

But there's something about social media which brings out this desire of women to instruct other women how to conduct themselves. I think we need to examine where this comes from. Because I think deep down it provides an outlet for a kind of Victorian moralism which has largely gone away from all other parts of our life and we need to think about why its been allowed to creep back in here. And I think its really unhealthy.

Nobody is saying it's "morally reprehensible"

Of course they are. "Vain", "shallow", "attention seeking", "immature", "showing off", "weird", "silly", "unprofessional", "what about my nine year old daughter", "would you want your child's teacher doing this" and all the rest of it. The whole tone is one of moral superiority. How can anyone fail to spot it? The thread is dripping with it.

But when you point out that they're making a ridiculous value judgement, they just deny it (case in point, but you're not the first and you won't be the last). Why? Well, because it's so patently not a moral issue! Because it's absolutely ridiculous to turn it into one! Because it's a sign of someone who just doesn't like women making themselves visible and being proud to look nice, but doesn't want to ask themselves why they feel this way about it.

And on some level, you lot do realise this, which is why you moralise it in one breath and then immediately deny that you're doing it in the next.

I think it's a bit tragic tbh whatever the age. I only post selfies if something momentous happens, e.g the gas man is coming so I had to change out of my pyjamas.

I post selfies sometimes if I want to remember the day or the moment or I think I looked nice. Same reason I guess that people under 40 do.

I posted selfie the other day of me and my friend at the beach, we looked a bit bedraggled after swimming but it was a lovely day and i wanted pics of us as well as shells and the children etc. I posted a selfie when I coloured my hair and it looked brilliant.
I take a lot of photos in general tbh. I expect some people do think its cringe and some people like it. You cant please all of the people all of the time

@ShebaShimmyShake

And why is it so morally reprehensible to want some attention? Why does MN have such an obsession with castigating women it perceives to be doing this? Whence all this superior moral outrage that women should be quiet and invisible and want it that way?

So some woman wants her friends to tell her she looks nice. So fucking what? She's not kicking puppies or mugging people. She's also not creating internet pile ons to denigrate people, which I think is far more mean-spirited. If you don't want to participate, scroll on. If it's frequent enough to be a constant irritation for you, then mute them or ask yourself why you're connected to so many people that you don't like.

Brava!

It's beyond misogynistic to be antagonised over women seeking validation - ironically its most likely the result of a patriarchal society that they seek validation this way in the first place.

So many expectations of how women should go under the radar, quiet and unnoticed - until of course we need them to do domestic and manual labour

yeah god forbid women over 40 show their face, or have the audacity to think they look ok, or speak up, or have an opinion, or complain to the manager, or have clothes that mums might wear, or have the wrong sort of haircut etc etc etc

I also think this phrase "attention seeking" is very telling. Its seen as the worst kind of etiquette breach for a woman to "seek attention", on the internet or anywhere else. Women, as we all know, should be quiet, modest and largely in the background.

Cast your mind back a few months to the death of Caroline Flack, when people were falling over themselves to say people who are depressed/lonely/anxious should "ask for help".

Here we all are now talking about people posting the most innocuous pictures of themselves on the internet and this kind of "attention seeking" is considered incredibly bad form and evidence of poor character.

I don't think there's any evidence to link posting selfies to low self-esteem, by the way. I think this is people clutching at straws to justify their prurient, judgemental behaviour. I don't think a selfie is evidence of anything at all other than that a woman has chosen to post a picture of herself online. But let's say for the sake of argument that it were a clinically-recognised sign of low self-esteem. What would be the best way to encourage those people to feel better about themselves, feel less judged and more accepted. Ah, yes, an internet pile-on to castigate them for being "vain", "attention seeking" and "unprofessional". That'll do.

When dealing with troubled young people, we don't use attention seeking anymore, we say "in need of attention". Vast difference that results in the same behaviours

You can argue that bunny ears are naff or filters are evidence of low self-esteem or whatever until the cows come home

I must have missed the talk of bunny ears and filters. I haven't said anything about that. My thoughts on the subject are largely limited to what I have said in this thread and not necessarily the same as the Op and anyone else on this thread.

As for keeping our views to ourselves, most of us do IRL and even on the platforms we are discussing, but this is a discussion forum and I see no problem with discussing and sharing our points of view in a civil way. If you don't like threads like this then you should stay away from them.

My views are not specially about women either so not sure what's that's about. I suspect views of different posters have been conflated to create one big problem for some people to take offence at.