40+ year old women posting selfies on social media - is this a new trend?

[bogeywoman]

Quite a few of my friends/acquaintances have recently started posting very posed selfies (without much in the way of a description) on FB and instagram. Women who are well into their 40s, married with children. Is this some sort of lockdown related insecurity? I find it so strange.

@thepeopleversuswork I’d have the same reaction to a 40 year old man posting selfies of himself pouting into the camera though and I imagine many other people would? I don’t think it’s female targeted (just that it does tend to be more women doing it)?

I post selfies sometimes. If I think I look nice that day why the hell not? In 20 years I can look back at when I was less wrinkly. If that makes me tragic then so be it 🤷🏼‍♀️

@Foliageeverywhere122

So for example Sali Hughes, lots of selfies all over her SM. Because her job is literally showing on how good/bad make up and skin care products are so makes sense to be using her own face as a canvas?

Just my view, selfies purely to show off your face and get compliments is something teens do (and I still tease my beautiful 17 year old for doing it )

So it's not ok to show off your face, unless you make an entire career out of showing off your face and helping people to show off their faces?

And the entire point of this thread is that it's not something only teens do.

I once posted a selfie of myself in front of a famous landmark. It was about showing that I was in the place, a holiday snap. Was that acceptable? I'm under 40, but I am married with a child.

🤔I'm the 'wrong' side of 40 and I've just posted a selfie today. I thought I looked reasonable but my post had a point it wasn't just a look at me post.

I Didn't realise as an over 40 year old I should be knitting by now and going to bridge classes.

@LadyMuck111

🤔I'm the 'wrong' side of 40 and I've just posted a selfie today. I thought I looked reasonable but my post had a point it wasn't just a look at me post.

I Didn't realise as an over 40 year old I should be knitting by now and going to bridge classes.

You are allowed to have fun, you just aren't allowed to take any photos of yourself doing it.

ShebaShimmyShake and God forbid that a woman over 40 should take pride and pleasure from her own appearance.

@thepeopleversuswork

ShebaShimmyShake and God forbid that a woman over 40 should take pride and pleasure from her own appearance.

And God forbid any woman of any age should ever do anything deemed to be "attention seeking". I'm also loving the number of people who apparently truly "can't understand" why someone might like taking selfies. I'm not a huge selfie person myself but it really isn't beyond my wit to understand why someone else might be.

I do feel a bit bad about this because I know where the Cinderella complex comes from. All women are socialised into it. But that doesn't mean it isn't a load of repressive, misogynistic cobblers.

I dont have fb but have been shown pictures like this. I cringe everytime.

I think the posters who are preaching live and let live are being just a tad disingenuous because more often than not they’ve made sure they’ve distanced themselves from the behaviour first by saying “I don’t personally post selfies but...”.

Oh come on now, an odd selfie here and there harms no one but we all know someone who takes it too far and it looks completely bonkers. Call me judgemental if you want but these woman are inviting the attention, they are literally asking to be judged.

For those right on women who think we shouldn’t judge, I’d like to ask how you’d feel if you went on FB and saw your child’s secondary school maths teacher had page filled with dog ear and bunny face selfies? Can you honestly say it wouldn’t affect how you view her as a professional and intelligent woman? I think it would.

they’ve distanced themselves from the behaviour first by saying “I don’t personally post selfies but...”.

We're making the point that if we're not selfie people but can bypass it without turning it into a moral issue, you can do the same. I might be a selfie person if I looked better in selfies, tbh. Of course, if any of us were selfie people, you'd just jump on us for that because you've already decided it makes someone Morally Lacking.

Truly do not give a single fuck if someone wears bunny ears on a filter. Looks a bit naff, isn't a sign of a lack of moral integrity.

Why would anybody be looking for their kids Maths teacher on facebook that's a bit weird and stalkery. Secondly am assuming the teacher is allowed to have a bit of bunny eared fun on their own bloody Facebook.

@ShebaShimmyShake

they’ve distanced themselves from the behaviour first by saying “I don’t personally post selfies but...”.

We're making the point that if we're not selfie people but can bypass it without turning it into a moral issue, you can do the same. I might be a selfie person if I looked better in selfies, tbh. Of course, if any of us were selfie people, you'd just jump on us for that because you've already decided it makes someone Morally Lacking.

Truly do not give a single fuck if someone wears bunny ears on a filter. Looks a bit naff, isn't a sign of a lack of moral integrity.

But that’s my point. Clearly posting selfies isn’t immoral but if you do it to an extreme you WILL get judged. I’m afraid that by admitting that you think it can look naff you have also judged a teeny weeny bit 😊

I think it’s good to see women that aren’t 23 with ‘perfect’ bodies and faces in the media and social media. We don’t all need to fuck off under a rock when we hit 39.

If I start by saying I'm not a selfie person, I mean that I'm not defending myself when I then proceed to defend selfie women over 40.
It doesn't have to imply judgement.

I do judge a little, but all selfie people. Not my older friends. Married or unmarried. Children or no children.
But anything that makes them happy and is harming nobody, I say good for you.
We should all do more things to make us happy without thinking of how others perceive it.

To be honest, I find posting endless selfies on social media to be a bit tragic whether they are 14 or 40. Life is for living, not for spending posing in the mirror.

The very occasional one, perhaps twice a year, after a haircut etc, I can understand.

But yes, if people post them regularly I do think people (men or women) are vain and fishing for compliments.

There’s a whole world out there full of interesting sights and people we love spending time with, and they are the subjects I feel drawn to photograph. Beautiful sunsets, flowers, my kids.... It would seem strange and shallow to be constantly wanting to turn the camera to selfie setting on just my own face. Yes, a bit narcissistic and inward looking if I’m honest.

Yes, when I was a teenager, back in Kodak days my friends and I took many selfies, especially of us together. But hey, teens are pretty self-centred in general and we grew out of it by our early 20s.

For those right on women who think we shouldn’t judge, I’d like to ask how you’d feel if you went on FB and saw your child’s secondary school maths teacher had page filled with dog ear and bunny face selfies? Can you honestly say it wouldn’t affect how you view her as a professional and intelligent woman? I think it would.

For a start, I don't stalk my children's teachers on social media. If I do happen across their presence on fb (for example, if we're members of the same group) and see their profile photo is a selfie, then I don't care at all.

I am a teacher myself though and understand that some narrow minded people will judge anyone for anything so I don't have my real name on there and all of my public photos are of something that doesn't give away my identity. I do take and occasionally post pictures of myself on my personal page however and see nothing wrong with it.

I do photography as a hobby and if my children don't want to pose for me, why shouldn't I use myself as a model? I'm not doing it out of vanity; instead I'm doing it to practise a skill. When they hear the "selfie" word, a lot of people think of someone with pouty lips taking a shot at arm's length and then adding the filters etc on top. Whilst I don't think there's anything wrong with those images, not all selfies are like that. The last few I've taken were where my face was reflected in a shiny spoon, or where I put the camera in the fridge with a fisheye lens and took the shot of myself reaching in for a chocolate mousse using a remote release, and another where I put the flash behind a colander so it cast fancy shadows across my face. I do things like this because they're fun and, well, there wasn't much else I could do during lockdown!

I’m afraid that by admitting that you think it can look naff you have also judged a teeny weeny bit

Oh ffs. It's not judging to notice that someone else likes different things to you. That's rather the point.

For those right on women who think we shouldn’t judge, I’d like to ask how you’d feel if you went on FB and saw your child’s secondary school maths teacher had page filled with dog ear and bunny face selfies? Can you honestly say it wouldn’t affect how you view her as a professional and intelligent woman? I think it would
I can honestly say hand on heart that would not bother me one bit.
I'd think it was funny tbh!
I'd like that they can let their hair down, have a laugh and not be serious all the time.

I know op it’s very odd and embarrassing when they do the trout pout too. Very self indulgent and what response do they want. To me it’s a teen thing.

For those right on women who think we shouldn’t judge, I’d like to ask how you’d feel if you went on FB and saw your child’s secondary school maths teacher had page filled with dog ear and bunny face selfies? Can you honestly say it wouldn’t affect how you view her as a professional and intelligent woman? I think it would.

I can honestly say, hand on heart, that I wouldn't give a tinker's cuss if my child's hypothetical secondary school maths teacher had done this. Because I am able to decouple someone's professional competence from some trivial, lightweight, harmless non-professional social media activity. I don't require professional and intelligent women to be clothed in a dour external "professionalism" in all of their social interactions. And I recognise that its none of my bloody business what they do in their spare time as long as they maintain professional competence with respect to teaching my child and don't harm anyone.

Honestly I would judge someone far more for making this intellectually lame illogical connection that says: posting selfies = unprofessional than I would for the people actually posting the selfie.

Honestly I would judge someone far more for making this intellectually lame illogical connection that says: posting selfies = unprofessional than I would for the people actually posting the selfie.

Yup.

Some of the posts on this thread are insane. Women who post selfies are unfit to teach children, causing a mental health collapse, ruining self esteem for nine year olds...my God. Or it's wrong to "show off your face" (!!) unless you make an entire living out of showing off your face and helping others to do the same. Vert the ferk.

If that's the world you live in, selfies are the very least of your worries. I know I've said this a couple of times, but for the love of God don't let your kids get into art and art history if this is how you live. The number of self portraits out there will make your moral compass spring a leak.

I remember reading a fat activism blog once; I don't agree with everything that movement promotes, but I was struck by a point this blogger made. She said she posted a lot of selfies because as a fat, middle aged woman, she was usually ignored and made to be invisible, or she was presented according to other people's perceptions, For example, there was the time she saw her own body, head cropped out, on the news in a story about the obesity crisis, or the time a photograph of her, taken without her knowledge or consent, appeared on a website dedicated to laughing at "ugly" people. So she took and posted selfies so that she could be visible and on her own terms.

It's flipping a camera round, snapping your face, possibly adding a filter that looks a bit daft to some people, and sharing it with people who elect to look at it. It's not a sign of moral collapse, even if the goal was to hear your friends say that they think you're pretty.

I don't find the selfies of 40+ women any more or less ridiculous than those of 20 yo women. Or men. It's not morally wrong or (usually) unprofessional or any of the other bonkers things people have said. I just find it a slightly odd thing to do.

I share photos that I think my friends and family will like to see (my dc having fun, the dog doing something funny, us in a nice place we're visiting etc). I just can't imagine why they'd be interested in looking at just a picture of my face with no context! And yes, it does always feel like selfies are saying "Wow, don't I look young/sexy/cool/tanned/beautifully coiffed/artfully scruffy" etc.

lazylinguist

Fine: but plenty of things people do on social media and in RL are irrational and serve no obvious purpose.

What is it about this particular activity which prompts this judgement? There’s an unspoken assumption behind a lot of these posts that suggests a selfie is evidence of a poor moral code and/or low self esteem. I think if people are really honest with themselves this is something about judging women who dare to say they think they look good. And that’s suggests that people disapprove of women feeling good about their appearance. Particularly if they are above “a certain age”.

And when you really get to the bottom of this it’s just misogyny.

There’s an unspoken assumption behind a lot of these posts that suggests a selfie is evidence of a poor moral code and/or low self esteem. I think if people are really honest with themselves this is something about judging women who dare to say they think they look good. And that’s suggests that people disapprove of women feeling good about their appearance. Particularly if they are above “a certain age”.

Yes, yes and thrice yes. Cross reference with the MN obsession with attacking people, almost always women, for being "attention seeking".