40+ year old women posting selfies on social media - is this a new trend?

[bogeywoman]

Quite a few of my friends/acquaintances have recently started posting very posed selfies (without much in the way of a description) on FB and instagram. Women who are well into their 40s, married with children. Is this some sort of lockdown related insecurity? I find it so strange.

Don’t mind the odd selfie but what’s with the airbrushed photos with big eyes and butterflies around their heads. They look nothing like themselves, they don’t have a nose anymore, everyone knows you don’t look like that in real life so why you doing it? One woman I know does it with every photo of herself 20 at a time even with her children and husband, why? She’s a perfectly nice looking person

Also lots of us did selfies back in the days of the ol' (late and lamented) Kodak instamatic camera. We just had to wait longer to realise it made our chin look big and that we could see right up our nostrils. Good times!

Why do so many people need constant validation about how they don't need constant validation?

OP never returned. It's not likely she will now!

No they've been doing in for years...

Personally at 25 I find it weird for everyone to do this. My sister posts them daily and I find it very vain

@ShebaShimmyShake

Why do so many people need constant validation about how they don't need constant validation?

This. There are no prizes in life for being modest and self-effacing. The only people who will respect you more for not wanting validation are people who want you not to feel good about yourself.

There's this unpleasant moral tone about the selfie police which I really dislike. People want to put their face on the internet, let them crack on. Ignore them or block them if you don't like it. But ask yourself why it annoys you so much that other people are happy with their appearance. Maybe that's what this is really about.

There's this unpleasant moral tone about the selfie police which I really dislike.

Bang on. MN is awful for moralising over stuff that has absolutely no moral value, and it's alarming how much of it is related to women doing anything that makes them visible. You don't have to like selfies, you don't have to interact with them, but this idea that it's in some way immoral to snap a pic of yourself and share it with people who have elected to see your social media channel is so completely groundless that it really says more about the person who gets so offended by it.

I'm sure that some of these women do want to be told that they're pretty. So what? Is that a crime? Is it worse than wanting to be told how superior you are because you don't? Don't women in general get enough messages elsewhere telling them they're not, that they're too old or fat? Or, if they're middle aged, invisible? Why do they have to buy into that?

@thepeopleversuswork

Hmm I don’t see it in that way. I think people who put lots of selfies up which are heavily edited or have filters on them are not actually happy with their appearance. I think they upload those selfies to get approval from others.

Not all selfies are heavily edited but it seems as though they mostly are. I don’t know how common it is to have a plain faced selfie, where the head isn’t tilted at the perfect angle to hide a double chin for example.

It would be great if women who were happy with their appearance could put up selfies without feeling the need to look a certain way.

@ShebaShimmyShake

I'm sure that some of these women do want to be told that they're pretty. So what? Is that a crime?

I think it can be a slippery slope if you put selfies up for this reason. Of course there is nothing wrong with wanting to feel pretty and even being told you are but what if you out up a pic and don’t get that approval from others, or not as many likes as you hoped, how will you feel then? I feel it can’t be good for a person’s mental health to seek approval in this way.

@thepeopleversuswork. The odd picture with you and your friends or family is fine, but if I see anyone posting multiple selfies of themselves I assume that the person posting is very insecure. They are looking for validation on social media from virtual strangers. Don't get me started on the filters and stupid animal ears and noses that some people use. The reason I think it's worse when someone is older is that they should probably be more self assured and not be looking for internet likes IMO.

[quote OnePotato2Potato]@ShebaShimmyShake

I'm sure that some of these women do want to be told that they're pretty. So what? Is that a crime?

I think it can be a slippery slope if you put selfies up for this reason. Of course there is nothing wrong with wanting to feel pretty and even being told you are but what if you out up a pic and don’t get that approval from others, or not as many likes as you hoped, how will you feel then? I feel it can’t be good for a person’s mental health to seek approval in this way.[/quote]
As if the objection is driven by concern for mental health! That's almost as disingenuous as the ones going "oh, it's just because I respect women over 40 so much, they should be ABOVE this kind of thing". Cobblers, all of it.

[quote OnePotato2Potato]@thepeopleversuswork

Hmm I don’t see it in that way. I think people who put lots of selfies up which are heavily edited or have filters on them are not actually happy with their appearance. I think they upload those selfies to get approval from others.

Not all selfies are heavily edited but it seems as though they mostly are. I don’t know how common it is to have a plain faced selfie, where the head isn’t tilted at the perfect angle to hide a double chin for example.

It would be great if women who were happy with their appearance could put up selfies without feeling the need to look a certain way.[/quote]
Maybe they do upload selfies to get approval from others. But why is this any more egregious than any of the other zillion things women do daily to get approval from others. Such as dress nicely and have nice hair? Or general grooming? Or doing a competent job?

Also why is it worst if the woman is over 40 and married?

Also yes some of those selfies with bunny ears etc are naff. But so what? At worst it just makes people look daft. Its the implied moral judgement which bothers me so much.

[quote Thurmanmurman]@thepeopleversuswork. The odd picture with you and your friends or family is fine, but if I see anyone posting multiple selfies of themselves I assume that the person posting is very insecure. They are looking for validation on social media from virtual strangers. Don't get me started on the filters and stupid animal ears and noses that some people use. The reason I think it's worse when someone is older is that they should probably be more self assured and not be looking for internet likes IMO.[/quote]
But people do all sorts of things out of insecurity. The majority of the fashion and women's grooming industry is based on tapping into women's insecurity about how they look. Why is there is weird fastidiousness about people actually wanting to capture the way they look and share it with people?

Also I don't accept that being "self-assured" means you are supposed to hide yourself away and refuse to allow your image to appear in public. You seem to be attributing a lot of motives to these women without knowing why they actually do it, when in fact there is a vast array of reasons people post selfies to the internet.

Im not sure what the point if tbe post is from the op.
Theres been no engagement. Just thrown open a topic deliberately targeting women over 40 and everyone bites and not a response.
No mention from the OP of men over 40, especially those that are married AND have children taking selfies.
My face book is full of them and I can honestly say no shits are given by me about them!!

@thepeopleversuswork. Everyone likes a bit of reassurance now and again but I'm more likely to send a pic to a friend/my mum or my DH because I actually care if they think I look like a sack of shit. I don't dislike anyone who posts selfies, but an excessive amount of pouting, filtered pics does make me roll my eyes as it's so attention seeking. It also makes me worry for my 9 year old DD, as I don't want her self esteem to come from social media likes when she's older.

Thurmanmurman Of course, its a bit naff and I get the worry about kids using it.

But the OPs post and a lot of the subsequent posts implies that there's something unbecoming about older women posting selfies on Facebook. I just want people to think about what they're saying here because if you really dig into it what they're basically saying is that older women shouldn't be visible and above all shouldn't be proud of their appearance.

I've literally never heard the suggestion that men should keep themselves off Facebook. Why should we fade into obscurity because we're over the age of 40?

I'll rephrase for people taking me literally.
I see no purpose in taking multiple pictures of one's self, regardless of age or sex.
I'm happy to photograph locations, and other people but I have never understood the compulsion some people have to keep putting their image in social media every time they do anything or go anywhere.

I have two friends who do the same and I have no idea why and it's not something I'd ever do but I just think everyone is different and everyone has they're own stuff going on and if it makes them happy then so be it.

But yes I do find it strange.

You don't have to "understand" why someone likes posting selfies. You just have to understand that they do and that it's not a moral issue.

Just adding to my list, gimme a sec...

Be 'self-confident' and 'self-assured' - posting selfies means you aren't self-confident or self-assured - got it.
Realise over 40 is classed as an "older woman" - understood.
Don't pout or use snapchat filters - check.

I have just realised i'm going to have to have serious words with Mr Happy Meal. He's FIFTY FUCKING FIVE. Goes in bars, takes selfies, the lot. Shouldn't he be bouncing apple-cheeked grandkiddies on his knee or something?

I think posting selfies is fundamentally pretty immature and you’d expect most people (male or female) to grow out of it?

My flatmate is 40 and does with the heavily airbrushed, huge eyes filter thing and I do roll my eyes a bit! It’s always the same expression too

Exception only if you’re some kind of skincare/make up expert and have a valid reason to be posting close ups of just your face!

@Foliageeverywhere122

I think posting selfies is fundamentally pretty immature and you’d expect most people (male or female) to grow out of it?

My flatmate is 40 and does with the heavily airbrushed, huge eyes filter thing and I do roll my eyes a bit! It’s always the same expression too

Exception only if you’re some kind of skincare/make up expert and have a valid reason to be posting close ups of just your face!

Would you be kind enough to furnish us with a full list of valid reasons, and explain why "because I want to" does not meet the standard?

So for example Sali Hughes, lots of selfies all over her SM. Because her job is literally showing on how good/bad make up and skin care products are so makes sense to be using her own face as a canvas?

Just my view, selfies purely to show off your face and get compliments is something teens do (and I still tease my beautiful 17 year old for doing it )

@RiftGibbon

I'll rephrase for people taking me literally. I see no purpose in taking multiple pictures of one's self, regardless of age or sex. I'm happy to photograph locations, and other people but I have never understood the compulsion some people have to keep putting their image in social media every time they do anything or go anywhere.

But there's very little "purpose" in anything people do on social media, unless its commercial or fundraising. It's just noise and people larking around having fun and being connected to their mates.

I just find it a bit disturbing that the one thing which seems to have really got people's goats is the trend for women posting what they believe are attractive pictures of themselves.

I think we need to ask ourselves why we are judging and looking down upon women for doing something which for whatever reason makes them feel a bit better about themselves and does nobody any harm whatsoever. I'm trying to get to the root of why this particular issue, which is so totally innocuous, upsets so many people.

Because I call internalised misogyny. I just can't think of any other rational explanation.