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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

40+ year old women posting selfies on social media - is this a new trend?

328 replies

bogeywoman · 22/07/2020 10:36

Quite a few of my friends/acquaintances have recently started posting very posed selfies (without much in the way of a description) on FB and instagram. Women who are well into their 40s, married with children. Is this some sort of lockdown related insecurity? I find it so strange.

OP posts:
lilgreen · 25/07/2020 16:48

I thing wrong with selfies. I think op is talking about the vanity shot, all pouty and filtered. Not a self taken picture of you by a landmark or with friends.

lilgreen · 25/07/2020 16:48

*nothing

lilgreen · 25/07/2020 16:51

@OwlBeThere taking a selfie for yourself because you look nice is fine but why post it on social media ? Because you want compliments? I find that very vain.

BakedCam · 25/07/2020 17:53

You wait until its women over 50s, OP.

Has this thread established that selfies are only suitable for attention-seeking 20/30 year olds?

Miseryl · 25/07/2020 17:57

I'm 40 and have been posting selfies since 2006 and the days of MySpace. I don't do so to be narcissistic it's just something that I've always done, as have many of my peers/friends. I don't post lots or make silly faces but it's just a habit. I didn't realise I had to veil myself in a cloak of invisibility now I'm in my fourth decade. 🤷🏻‍♀️

JammyHands · 25/07/2020 18:02

why the fuck shouldn't they?

lilgreen · 25/07/2020 18:02

Nothing to do with age a and everything to do with vanity/look at me attitude. Teenagers are forgiven as they’re yet to grow up but adults should know better. Is it really worth it to get replies saying “Gorgeous hun, you’re so pretty, sexy lol, what a babe, flame emojis??? Confused

ShebaShimmyShake · 25/07/2020 18:26

Ok, so at first it was selfies in general and after it turned out that there are lots of reasons for posting selfies and a lot of them are apparently morally acceptable, the focus has changed. Now it's all about a particularly stylised type of selfie in which the subject deliberately tries to look alluring and indeed has no other intention. Those are now the witches for burning.

Ok. I have to say, these are a really small minority of the selfies on my feeds, but apparently some of you lot are seeing enough of them to form some REALLY strong opinions about them. (Get new friends? Use the mute/snooze/unfollow functions? Do these not satisfy because you know that someone, somewhere, is being told they look good in their selfies? The horror!) Ok. So these women are posting stylised selfies in the hope of being told that they're pretty.

So. Fucking. What?

So what if it's "vain" and "attention seeking" and all the other things that "good" women aren't supposed to be? Who's it harming? Don't tell me you're just so worried about their mental health or you just think they're so amazing that they should be above this behaviour that doesn't have any moral value to it. The tone is constantly one of judgement and moral superiority and @thepeopleversuswork is bang on the money when she says you've just got some problem with women showing that they like to be seen and look good. If you hate it so much, scroll on and don't do it yourself. Maybe ask yourself why you're so keen to ascribe the worst possible motivations to it.

lilgreen · 25/07/2020 19:41

Yeah so what? I agree, but this is a discussion forum.

ShebaShimmyShake · 25/07/2020 19:42

@lilgreen

Yeah so what? I agree, but this is a discussion forum.
Indeed it is. Why do people keep saying that as if it's not obvious?
lilgreen · 25/07/2020 19:43

Because you’re getting annoyed at those that find it silly.

ShebaShimmyShake · 25/07/2020 19:44

@lilgreen

Because you’re getting annoyed at those that find it silly.
Yes. I am expressing my opinion in response to others expressing theirs. Discussion forum, right?
lilgreen · 25/07/2020 19:44

Ok

lilgreen · 25/07/2020 19:46

I posted ages ago and then because some posters seemed to think selfies were any photo taken by one’s self were the problem, I came back in to say imo it’s not strictly a photo of yourself but the filtered pouty kind that are imo are shallow, vain, attention seeking. I don’t lose sleep over it but that’s what I think.

Abouttimemum · 25/07/2020 19:51

Yeah I don’t care what age you are I find it weird. It’s a photo of you looking like you always look, what do you want me to say about it? I just don’t get it, but each to their own.

ShebaShimmyShake · 25/07/2020 19:55

@lilgreen

I posted ages ago and then because some posters seemed to think selfies were any photo taken by one’s self were the problem, I came back in to say imo it’s not strictly a photo of yourself but the filtered pouty kind that are imo are shallow, vain, attention seeking. I don’t lose sleep over it but that’s what I think.
Such a strong value judgement. What exactly offends you?
lilgreen · 25/07/2020 19:56

It doesn’t offend me. I just think it’s so shallow and vain to say look at me. I do think less of those people.

lilgreen · 25/07/2020 19:57

I’m well into my 40s btw , it’s not an age thing. Anyone other than a teen doing that is misguided.

lilgreen · 25/07/2020 19:58

Strong value judgment? No, just my opinion.

Bebbanburger · 25/07/2020 20:21

I'm the wrong side of 40. I posted a selfie this week with my new haircut. I got lots of likes and comments and I felt really good. Hope people weren't thinking I was tragic. I don't do it a lot so I don't think so, but really who cares? I haven't really noticed a new elderly selfie trend and I am the right demographic, so I don't really know what you are on about OP.

Arsewell · 25/07/2020 20:29

I think pouty selfies look daft whatever age you are tbh. But if it makes people posing for the pic feel good, then who am I to judge ...

feistyoneyouare · 25/07/2020 20:50

Haven't RTFT, but stop being so bloody ageist OP. People don't have to change the things they do just because they're over 40.

ShebaShimmyShake · 25/07/2020 20:53

@lilgreen

Strong value judgment? No, just my opinion.
"...the filtered pouty kind that are imo are shallow, vain, attention seeking..."

If that's not a strong value judgement then I really don't know what is. And if you feel so strongly that something is morally wrong then I don't know why you wouldn't own it.

But then, selfies - even the "shallow, vain, attention seeking" ones - aren't actually a moral issue. And the harder you question why they offend you so much, while denying you put a moral value on them, the more you realise that it's because there isn't any good reason. It's just this Cinderella complex about how women should never make themselves too visible, especially not if they like looking nice. And to be fair, all women get subjected to this crap and conditioned to it, so I do get where it comes from. But that's why it's important to be aware of it.

Anyway, I have decided. Tomorrow I'm going to do my hair nicely, put on makeup - red lipstick, maybe - and take and post a selfie from a flattering angle. I think most people on my feed think I am generally a good and nice person; if not, I don't know why they're connected to me. If there's anyone on there who thinks that a good woman wouldn't do that (vain, shallow etc but no moral judgement!), then I'd just kind of like to blow their mind. If I'm lucky they'll post selfies of their reactions.

lilgreen · 25/07/2020 20:57

You what?

lilgreen · 25/07/2020 20:58

I’m not questioning anything. Quite happy with my apparently ‘moral judgement’Grin