To feel uncomfortable when friend talks about money?

[Lizzie523]

I have been close friends with a woman for about 10 years. She is probably my closest friend of all. We have never talked about money in our friendship but over the last 6 months or so she frequently raised the topic. We are both in our late 20s and just starting to move towards more well paid jobs.

She decided she deserved a promotion, saying ('well I am only on this but I should get ££' - already way more than me btw and I am decently paid). Last time myself and another friend were with her we felt out of our depth. Both of us spent years travelling and working while she has saved a lot of money and is now thinking about getting a house and a mortgage.

Anyway I saw her the other day and she started talking loudly about money, in public again and I was cringing so much.

AIBU? She comes from a wealth family who puts money above everything but she never did. She votes Labour, says she is a socialist and I suppose going on about her capital was never a subject before. Her parents put a lot of pressure on her to be successful so it might be coming from that.

But what now bothers me is the last few times I've seen her she keeps pushing me to ask for a promotion and more money. Since when did this become such a hot topic? I dont know how to steer away from it but it is bothering me.

Meh, it seems like she has so much pressure from her family that she has become a little bit obsessed by money and always doing more and better (than she already is), but it doesn't really seem like she feels superior to you (her encouraging you to get a raise could be because she cares and likely not because she looks down on you).

You on the other hand seem to be quite judgmental of her and what you perceive as her moral compass (though nothing you have said support the fact that she is irrationally superficial).

I am in my 20's also, and speak with my friends about everyhting, including money. Some have bought a house, a boat and whatever else, others are struggling to pay their rent, some have an average income, whatever, I am happy for the friends who have financial means to have their own house and even luxuries in their mid-20's and I want them to talk to me about their life like they would anybody else, I don't get upset or awkward that they earn 10x what I do and have whatever luxury I can't afford, I am very proud of their journey and totally understand we have taken different paths/had different personalities and therefore are rich in different ways.

I have a friend who earn a similar salary to me but is extremely undervalued while being overworked, I ALWAYS encourage her to ask for more money or find a job that value her, it's not about the money, it's about seeing my friend unappreciated and undervalued while she goes above and beyond and seeing how her boss takes the absolute piss.

I have a friend who has a lot of money, and she also pushes me to go for more, except her goals for me aren't my goal for myself so I politely tell her so and that's the end of it. I know it comes from a place of care so it doesn't really matter.

I have made different choices that make me happy and I stand by them and I don't judge my friends for having different priorities nor do I feel like it says anything about their moral high ground (for the most part).

I come from a poor family and I wish money had been talked about more, it's so much harder to have an healthy relationship with money when it's so taboo to talk about openly.

I'm house hunting and one friend keeps asking me to send photos of houses I want to view! No way. Noone needs to know how much money I have for a house. It's so bad mannered to ask.

This is so bonkers it's fantastic!

When you buy a house, will you refuse to tell anyone where you live in case they guess how much your house cost? If anyone is really this paranoid they have problems.

I enjoy seeing the houses my friends are considering, and getting their comments when I was looking at houses. The budget is irrelevant - surely friends are happy for each other, and want to help their friend make the best choice?

When my friend was looking to move recently, not only did I know which houses she'd viewed, I knew her budget, and even sent her links to houses I'd spotted in the area which I thought she'd like. She did likewise when I was looking.

I’d rather talk in detail about my sex life than I would salaries or how much my house is worth. Apart from anonymous chat on here, nobody knows. I have a friend who chats about it very openly and it makes me visibly wince. My neighbor also talked in detail a couple of weeks ago about someone we know and how much they spent on their house renovation. I definitely looked at my feet during that exchange.

@ReceptacleForTheRespectable As I said, horses for courses. Everyone is different.

She’s a socialist who is growing up and learning about how the real world works. Don’t worry m, happens to all socialists.
Anyway, on a more serious note, it sounds like she is moving onto the next stage of her life and this is what’s important to her. People’s priorities, interests and goals change. You could make her aware that this topic is not of interest to you if you want to be subtle or just come right out and tell her to stop talking money as it makes you feel uncomfortable.

I sounds like your friend is morphing into her parents. She gave up a man because of the importance of money and then she gave up a passion for the same reason.

If you don't like her parents you won't like her in ten years time. I have a friend who spent her twenties criticising her mother but by her forties was the embodiment of her mother. Sad but true.

As for talking about money, the most extreme example I ever came across was a family who when referring to a friend would say "he's really nice he earns $..."; referring to a painting "it cost $..."; love "he doesn't love her because he has $... and he has only spent $... on her".

I agree with you OP. If it were me I’d just say that I’m happy without the promotion.

Not talking about money is actually a bad idea on many levels. But I don't like to discuss personal finances loudly in public! With friends, I do now. I didn't used to.

I think there's a fine line between talking generally about, I've just been promoted and its a nice little pay rise or I've eventually got the nice big house I've been after. Nothing wrong in generally talking about finance but I do agree that to keep banging on about the finer details like have you seen my nice new big house guess how much it was or just been promoted I'm now earning this much which is more than you and I think I should get more, there is s a huge difference in the tone of these. The first is fine, the latter is very crass and showy.

Maybe OPs friend is just pushing the bar to far.

It is good to talk about money in a general sense, keeping a bit of perspective and not prying or showing off, but if you go on and on and get to personal or to specific for no good reason then I totally get where op is coming from.

@Milssofadoesntreallyfit

This

If she's talking loudly about her salary in public frequently I'd find that a bit odd tbh.