What you wish you were taught about money and earning it in a way you love?

[BetterCare]

Sorry, this is a bit of a long one, so I thank you now if you make it to the end.

AIBU to ask what you wish you had been taught or learned, as you grew up, with regards to money, finances and how to earn it doing something you love?

It has been a tough couple of years. My Mum was home on palliative care at home for a year before she sadly passed away last year. A month after Mum was diagnosed my Dad was diagnosed with Dementia, and since Mum passed I have been caring for my Dad. The purpose of this post is not to give you a sop story but to give you a clue as to why I am thinking and asking about this subject.

The reason for this post is because it has been such a steep learning curve, over the past couple of years and has really got me thinking, worrying, researching………. Luckily my brother and I had the foresight to sort out Lasting Power of Attorneys just before all of this happened and since then we have been trying to sort out Mum and Dad’s finances. Luckily when Mum was sick her care was fully funded by Continuing Health Care, which is no mean feat because it was a constant battle to get the correct level of care and get the NHS to pay for it. However, it has been an eye-opener as to how much care costs. We are now having to plan any potential care costs that we may have to pay out for Dad. This has me worrying about how much I need to have put aside for any care I may need.

This has made me think about the whole area of money and life in general. Like I said Mum and Dad were not paid well and did jobs they didn’t enjoy very much. I was of that generation where following your dreams was never really talked about. I was expected to leave school, get a job and then all the things that come with that. I have had low paid jobs and high paid jobs and have hated every single one. I was well into adulthood before I learnt that you could do something you love and earn money from it.

I am asking because it is something that as you can read is on my mind a lot, I am thinking about the future for my Dad and myself. I don’t have children so I don’t have that added pressure. But I read too many Mumsnet posts that are an eye-opener and break my heart where women are left with the world on their shoulders. Ex partners that don’t pay or pay the minimum amount of maintenance, SHAMs who are unhappy in their relationships but feel forced to stay because they can’t afford to leave, women who take on jobs they hate because they need to work around school hours and child care, partners who are passing ships from long hours just to be able to pay the bills and at the extreme end the scary number of women who are in financially abusive relationships.

I think it has become more prevalent with lockdown which really seems to have widened the gap. I read somewhere it could take 40 years now to close the pay gap. It seems again women are bearing the brunt. Whilst men seemed to be able to return to work when requested, women are having to deal with limited or unavailable child care. During the lockdown, women seem to have taken on the bulk of homeschooling. Now its school holidays and some are finding that holiday clubs are not available. I know many women are worried about being made redundant, even fewer school hours and term time only jobs are available and we don’t know how this virus may still impact us. The list is endless.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing, but knowing what I know now and my own financial and job experience I have been asking myself what I wished I had been taught at school about finances, investing and also doing all this in a way that I would have loved. What I should have learnt in my 20s, 30s and taken action on? I think about niece now who will finish university soon I hope she is more financially savvy. This generation certainly has the resources available to learn but it is hard to think about being 60 when you are 20.

What do you wish you were taught about finances and money management and how you earn it as you grew up? Knowing what you know now what would you have done differently? Or has this pandemic, which changed our lives in such a dramatic way so quickly made you think differently?

I know this is not an AIBU in the strict sense but I think it is such an important topic I would be grateful to hear, as always from Mumsnet, your honest views. I may learn something that may set me on a new path and stop me panicking about old age and care costs.

I completely understand. I think finance is such an important part of life and it’s often treated as optional or ‘other’. I think it’s an important part of growing up. I’m a bit torn on who should do the educating though. Should it be school or parents? It’s a bit like sex Ed I think. The values part needs to come from home while the practical bits can be done by school. Perhaps I’m naive. I know a lot of parents who simply don’t know enough themselves to educate.

I left school in the late 90s knowing nothing whatsoever about money, finances or how much life costs, and I really wish somebody had sat me down and filled me on all of that when I was younger. My head was buried well and truly in the sand and I was clueless. I wish they had taught lessons at school about managing money, mortgages, debt, all of it - and importantly the pros and cons financially of coming out of the workplace, even if briefly, to start a family and how much it can damage your work prospects and how it mucks up your national insurance contributions. And I wish I had been taught the importance of pensions and why etc etc.

As to doing a job you love, well I am lucky enough to do a job I love - I am a children's book illustrator. But the pitfalls are that the money side is very up and down - finding something you love to do that pays well is the tricky part.

There is no way I will let my daughter go out in to the world as clueless as I was - she will be fully prepared.

I wish I had known the true cost of having children. I wish someone had shown me a projected idea of how having DC would impact my ability to take better paying jobs, take on extra learning/training, progress U.K. the ladder and the impact on my pension, savings, ability to get a mortgage etc. If I had known back then what I know now I’d have definitely waited until I was in an established career with a good savings cushion and house in my own name before having children. And we would all be far better off for it. Not just me- the DCs too.

Honestly I think more attention should be paid to follow a higher earning career rather than do “something you love”. Earning well gives many freedoms which makes life easier and usually higher earning jobs allow for more flexibility which is so important for keeping women in the workforce post children.

I very much wish that someone had explained clearly to my teenage self that working hard at school and getting as good an education as possible is the ticket to life choices. I did ok but definitely underachieved because I left too early.

I had absolutely no careers advice and fell into my profession which, whilst I loved it, was not well paid and, again had no advice at all on career progression.

So not just a question of managing money which I was competent at, but acquiring it in the first place.

Agree that care costs are a nightmare and to fully fund and, again, have the freedom to choose your care, requires very substantial resources.

i wish I had known the value of the sweat factor. No matter how humble the job, or how much you dislike it, if you put 110% into it you will be good at it and it will pay off. If id known this i would have stopped marking time waiting for the big time and made humble jobs work harder for me. I had so much ability just sitting inside me and I had no idea!!!! I try to teach my sons now that if you show up and get paid for your time, its dishonest not to give it your absolute best shot.

My parents didn't really pass on much in the way of career advice, I have bumbled through jobs and ended up where I am now in a reasonably good 'professional job' more due to luck than judgement.
I am financially savvy but self taught, my dh and I have had to learn as we go, making mistakes that we wouldnt have with more guidance at a young age. It's all part of life, but I feel that teaching kids about mortgages, savings, pensions and debt would go some way to levelling out the social inequalities in our society.

@Waterdropsdown

Honestly I think more attention should be paid to follow a higher earning career rather than do “something you love”. Earning well gives many freedoms which makes life easier and usually higher earning jobs allow for more flexibility which is so important for keeping women in the workforce post children.

I actually agree with this. Sometimes I think we all get starry eyed about 'following our dreams' when actually dreams change - what is constant is the need for security, food, shelter, healthcare etc. No one - no man, no government, no social structure owes you a living or will save you. Save yourself/

I do think money, budgeting , savings , etc should be taught at school, my mum taught us all about saving for a rainy day but dh had no clue, he was a spender and a borrower before we met.

My dad died when I was 4 and watching my mum struggle to bring up 2 children with no savings taught me that I need savings just incase. My mum had to work 3 jobs to get by and we did miss out on things and I didn’t want that for my children. I didn’t want to be counting the pennies, we aren’t Well off by any means but we do ok.

My mum also encouraged us to do what we love, I’ve been stuck in a minimum wage job for the last 18 years while our children were small as the hours worked well for us, but last year with my mum and dh’s encouragement I went to college and I have a job doing something I love and have always wanted to do, enabling us to have a better quality of life.

Also proper careers 'awareness'. I know of so many jobs that are populated with privileged people purely by dint of the fact that they knew about them and the pathways into them.
I come from a large extended working class family and may of the brightest kids have become teachers or community workers, because that's the highest paid job they feel they can aspire too. Nothing wrong with teaching at all, but I know that if some of them had grown up in more aspirational circumstances they would be dentists and Dr's and engineers and bankers etc..
A lot of it is about what you see around you and they don't know anyone working in finance or business or who is a surgeon for example, so they can't even comprehend the idea of having a career like that. It's a shame so many if our childrens life choices are limited before they even get started.

Not everyone can do something they love though, someone has to do jobs that they don't like and the 'dream jobs' are already ultra-competitive. Particularly as a lot of them can get away with paying less as they are so in demand.

My parents taught me some life lessons I really value. That megabucks high pay usually comes with a trade off of long hours or a boring or stressful job, but can be worth it if you value that financial freedom. That everyone has to make compromises between doing what they love and what pays the bills, and you usually have to decide which you value more. And that those dream jobs are hard to come by so you better work harder than everyone else if you want one, especially if you're not from an elite background.

Sadly until the burden of caring no longer mainly falls to women, we will continue to be limited in our job choices no matter how educated we are about alternatives.

@Onekidnoclue That is such a difficult one. I agree on being torn on who should do it. My Mum and Dad did ok in the end. Considering they were not well paid they managed to save well. But on speaking to financial advisors there is a lot more they could have done to be in a better situation.

You don't know what you don't know that is the problem with relying on parents to teach these kinds of things.

@Waterdropsdown I agree with you in some part. I have had high earning jobs but hated them but kind of feel like I fell into them as opposed to having a bit more of a career plan and using my best skills.

I think, certainly, when I left school it wasn't as easy to set up a business or follow a dream. I think what you can do today is much broader, so you can create a global audience and income from your phone today.

I think you are so right in terms of making women understand what they can achieve and what that means for them and what it takes.

Pukkatea
I agree with most of what you said except this:
That megabucks high pay usually comes with a trade off of long hours or a boring or stressful job, but can be worth it if you value that financial freedom.

This can be true but I think it keeps a lot if people from seeing the truth, that a lot if high paying profession jobs are pretty easy and filled with middle class people who arent working particularly hard or long hours. Obviously this varies a lot in professions and industries, but it's not always as simple as work hard, earn more.
I work part time for example and get paid a lot more than someone working their arse off as a carer full time for example. Honestly I am not any cleverer, I was just lucky to get a degree when young and was funnelled straight into an office job.
I agree with others that this 'do what you love' mantra can be a trap for many into low paid shitty jobs.

I also wish people had stopped asking me “what do you want to be when you grow up?” Because I never came to and answer and as a result didn’t make any useful education choices because I had no idea what I wanted to do. So I left school with no obvious direction and took the first minimum wage job I got and stayed there waiting until I realised what I “wanted to be”. (Which never happened) And I didn’t work hard either because “it wasn’t my real career.” So I never climbed any ladder. I just stayed in min wage jobs! If someone had told me as a child that you don’t need to have a job in mind, you just work hard at what’s in front of you and look for opportunities while you’re there.

I think too many women just see work as something to do before having babies and don’t choose a well-paid or structured route. Then the dad of the children goes off and they are left broke and with limited options for earning money. If they’d tried to get a decent job and carried on earning, they wouldn’t be shafted when the man leaves.

My grandmother said to me “a woman should always have her own money. If she has her own money she can make her own choices.”

But the patriarchy is strong and many women still fall into thinking a man should provide.

@belfastmillie just from my own experiences I think that can be true to a point, I'm the same that I work 4 days in a profession for a well above average salary, but I compare it to my friends who earn double or triple what I do, I leave the office at 5 without looking back, they are often there well into the evening or even early am. They live in huge expensive houses and I don't - trade off. I prefer my way and I assume and hope they prefer theirs.

Neither my parents nor my school caught on to the fact that because I could do pretty much ANYTHING I wanted to, that that left me without much clear direction on prioritising.

(to be clear, I'm not a perfect paragon of academic excellence in all areas, but everything I was interested in I also excelled at - so there were no academic barriers to careers I was interested in)

It was the era of grad schemes happily scooping up anyone from a red brick with a 2:1 when I entered uni and the era of overqualified people who'd been made redundant in the crash taking entry level posts when I'd left.

Not that I haven't done ok - but I wish I hadn't been 'forgotten about' on the grounds that I'd land on my feet anyway. In no small part because the process of me 'landing on my feet' caused me a lot of stress and health problems lasting for over five years which I'm only just breaking out of.

A careers programme that explores likes and dislikes would be so beneficial for all students.

Placemarking.

Great thread OP.

I totally agree with the aspiration point ie; if you don't see people around you attaining the higher paid jobs then it's harder to aspire to that. From my working class, poor background, a lot of my peers were pregnant in their teens or worked in the local factories. The 'successful ' ones were nurses or teachers. We'd never even heard of finance or medical careers - it wasn't for the likes of us. Things have changed but unfortunately I think these attitudes still prevail in a lot of families and schools.

My attitude changed when my son started at a good primary school where there were many professional mums: surgeons, top lawyers, stockbrokers. These families were very wealthy compared to us and it was fascinating discussing their journeys. Obviously many were from comfortable backgrounds, but not all. I took away that a good education is key and knowing which jobs and careers pay well is also very important. Once you have built up money, you have choices to live a very happy life.

Also reading Mumsnet for many years, I have @Xenia to thank for encouraging my niece and ds to aim high. My niece is from the poorest background you can get (pupil premium) in the worst performing education authority in Britain. We have encouraged her to work hard, went to the library a lot etc. Coupled with some financial sense, she got an excellent degree and has been offered a really highly paid graduate role with lots of opportunities (then Covid hit)! She also has substantial savings at 23 years old so is well on her way to putting a deposit down (although I'd like her to travel first!). She had the benefit of advice from us which we didn't get from our parents.

I'm hoping Xenia comes on to comment.

My parents told me to follow my dreams and that being rich doesn't make you happy if you hate your job.
We raised ours the same, do what you enjoy and fit your lifestyle to your income. Not choose a lifestyle that you have to fund.
It worked for us we all set up businesses doing what we enjoy, we'll never be rich though, but money isn't important.

@Smallsteps88 I have not had to go through that myself but many friends have. It is such a difficult one, at what age would someone take that in or is it a slow drip learning? If I told my niece today who is 19 would you fully comprehend what it really means?

Even now when I talk to friends and explain the problems sorting out my Mum and Dad's finances and how much care cost there is still a sense of it going over the top of their heads?

That is why I wonder if more life lessons in school would impact the knowledge better?

@breadcakebiscuits Thank you. The responses are amazing and so interesting the different viewpoints.

@2pinkginsplease Good for you. I am so pleased for you.

@belfastmillie I couldn't agree with you more. I remember my Dad telling me to learn to type because he said you will always have a job if you can type. He just didn't know any different his father was a coal miner. It is so important to show children what is possible and that they deserve it.

Also though I think a foundation of really good education around finances is so important. So you can be a nurse if that is what you want to do because you have learnt how to invest money so you can supplement a low income.

@Smallsteps88 I kind of agree with this and where I have a problem with education. Because 14 is such an early age to even start to think about what you want to do as an adult.

I think education should draw more on recognising what a child is good at and where they thrive and focussing on and enhancing those skills. Whether they are more tangible skills like being good at maths or more soft skills, for example, someone who shows a natural ability to make friends or shows leadership skills.

@Devlesko I love philosophy.